Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Our Fadir

(This episode was spurred by a recent chat with a friend. Our chat, ironically, didn’t touch on this subject at all. Go figure.)

* * * * *

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t seem to have much of a problem with my faith vis-a-vis my being gay. Maybe because I embraced what the Jesuit priests (yeah, ironic isn’t it?) have hammered into our heads in college, that we need to think freely and choose for ourselves.

You see, growing up we had no choice as to our religion and our beliefs—our parents and our teachers told us what was right or wrong. And we accepted them as is. But as early as high school I remember some of our teachers already telling us that we should form our own beliefs. And thanks to the combination of theology and philosophy subjects in college, I had the courage to face my long-held beliefs headlong, assess them, and decide which ones I’d embrace fully and which ones I’d discard.

Luckily by college I also had been struggling with my attraction to my own gender for several years now, and I had the privilege of going to a retreat and asking the retreat master about it. This young Jesuit priest told me, “Of course, you know the stand of the Church on homosexuality—love the sinner, condemn the sin.” Then he leaned towards me to whisper in my ear, “Personally I think God is so loving, He will accept you for who you are, and won’t condemn you. Or the life you lead. It’s just people, including those in our Church, who condemn those who they think are different.”

And ever since then, I embraced the idea that gay people are as much God’s creation as straight ones—and every one in between. People and institutions are the ones who have branded us sinners and unworthy. Well, I’d rather believe in a loving, embracing God rather than a narrow-minded one.

I knew my beliefs were going to differ from my parents, especially my mom (she with the yearly subscription to the Catholic Digest). That’s why I’ve always held off officially coming out to her. But it was she who encouraged her children to think properly and to use reason. We need not agree on everything, but we can still love each other.

Somewhere up there is a God who’s now giving me three snaps and a twirl and saying, “You go, gurl!”

News Flash

Our prayers and condolences to Gibbs and the Cadiz family; his father passed away at 2 o’clock this morning in Sorsogon. Gibbs is on his way there now for the wake and burial. (FYI You may text him but you can’t call him cuz his cellphone’s earpiece is busted daw. Ayun.)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A McInterlude

I used to be romantic, but the world got in the way.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hu-Where’s Da Par-tay?! (Take Two!)

If you’re a blogger and in Boracay this long weekend, then you know hu-where to par-tay! Bloggers unite for a 2-day encounter and party! Click on the image below for a larger view:

And into dodgeball? You’re in luck—duck!

Can I Just Say, “OMG!”?

I got this online test from Tristan Tales.

I had a bit of a problem while taking the test because it asks one to choose between two lists—but often I find myself agreeing to a lot of things on both lists, so I really had a hard time choosing. And when the results were in, I thought, “Hmmm, it sounds kinda generic, seems nothing new to me.”

The test pegged me as a “Groundbreaker Thinker” and it described me in three categories: general type or description, in work, and in love.

So I clicked on the results on “Love” and gasped.

* * * * *

The Groundbreaker Thinker In Love

A charmer like you rarely has a problem flirting, but because you are so demanding and particular, it still takes quite a while until you are interested in a partner and push things past the non-committal chitchat. After all, you are not one to spontaneously settle on one single person too soon—you are too afraid that you might miss too many other attractive options in doing so!

Besides, you secretly have a very clear picture of the ideal relationship in your heart, and you diligently measure all eligible partners by that. Since most of them are eliminated by their falling through the screen at the first go around, you often stay single for a relatively long time even though you are very sociable, spend lots of time among people, and have any number of contacts. You like to flirt, to have fun, to try things out, but you are only going to get involved in a serious relationship if you are totally convinced to have found your soul mate. Fortunately, your vision of a perfect relationship is admittedly a lot more realistic than one would expect because your thinking part makes sure that you don’t get permanently lost in quixotic concepts. (emphasis mine)

Your hesitation in matters of love is rooted in your pronounced inner autonomy, among other things. You enjoy having a partner with whom you can have fun in your life, but it does not occur to you to make that interdependent with your satisfaction and happiness. You don’t have to rely on a relationship in order to feel good. Your large circle of friends, and many interests, occupy you and keep boredom and loneliness from emerging. Once you have decided on a partner, it is very important for you to preserve your space within your relationship, as well. You enjoy doing things with your partner, but it is not important to you that he/she shares all of your interests or has exactly the same hobbies. You must have time to yourself anyway, so you can concentrate on your activities without having the feeling someone is looking over your shoulder. Therefore, you need a very self- confident and independent person as a partner who can also occupy him/herself on his/her own without turning into Velcro—that would get old very quickly!

* * * * *

Holy crap. =)

An SMS Exchange

McVie: Do I snore when I sleep?

Kent: Yes you do.

McVie: The next time I do, just move my head a bit. I wouldn’t mind it, even if I wake up.

Kent: No need. When you snore, I just kiss you. And you stop snoring.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! One hundred points for Kent!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


First, the National Organization For Marriage comes out with this ad:

The reactions on YouTube come flying fast and furious, like Vin Diesel on turbo (who, come to think of it, should be renamed Vin Hi-Octane by then). The best one for me, so far? The folks at Funny Or Die did this parody, featuring Alicia Silverstone, Lance Bass, and—holy Sulu!—George Takei, among others:

“Not marching… more like a dance. They’ll dance at us.” “And it’ll be choreographed… it’ll be good.” LMAO!

And to cap this silliness off, here’s a non-related, non-gay video from one of my bestest and funniest guys on YouTube, Nigahiga:

“Your BiBimBap is getting cold!” Mwhahahaha!

Yes folks, I’m very busy these days. Haaay.

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Cagbalite Fabcast, Parts 1 & 2

The island off Mauban, Quezon Province is what Boracay and Puerto Galera were before they became Boracay and Puerto Galera. Rustic is often used to describe it, but the word becomes woefully inadequate when you get there. Those used to creature comforts will at first be taken aback—What?! No electricity during the day? No doors in our cottages? But let the island’s charm envelope you, and your whole being relaxes.

RELAXED. That can clearly be heard in our voices in this latest Fabcast, recorded on Good Friday, 2009. The reason why it took me this long to produce this is because I had to trim all the “ahs”, “uhms” and pauses in between everyone’s sentences. (The most relaxed? Gibbs! He practically placed a pause in between words at the start.)

Part 1: (20 mins)

Part 2: (20 mins)

Download Part 1 - 18.6MB (right click and save)
Download Part 2 - 18.3MB (right click and save)

Music credits:
“The Tide Is High” by Blondie
“I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)” by Pitbull
“75 Brazil Street” by Nicola Fasano

More pics!

We left Quezon Avenue in Quezon City and arrived in Quezon Street in Quezon Province.

This restaurant has two specialties.

The peaceful shore…

…and the rest-in-peaceful cemetery right beside the shore!

Low tide means high activity.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

And Another One Gone, And Another One Gone

The text messages came fast and furious:

“What’s with the ‘another one bites the dust’ post?”
“Whaaat? Wala na si Kent?”
“Yung ‘another one bites the dust’? Is this about Kent, the 19-yr old?”

At first I was puzzled, then it dawned on me that people could interpret it that way. I immediately texted Kent: “Please know that ‘another one bites the dust’ is definitely NOT about you.”

Memo to me: cryptic episode bites the dust.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Another One Bites The Dust

And with that singular post, I finally close my door on you. I turn the key then toss it away.

I Wanna Really, Really, Really, Wanna Zigazig Ah!

It was in a high school retreat that I heard one of the speakers, a Jesuit priest, say something about friendship that, little did I realize then, would have a profound impact on me years later. He said something like this: “It’s the friends you take for granted who stay with you the longest.”

He wasn’t telling us to take our friends for granted. Rather, he was singing praises to longtime friends, people who stay with you through thick and thin, whose bonds have been tried and tested. These are the people who know you and whom you know inside and out. Usually with these kinds of friends, you can “take each other for granted,” meaning, you don’t think about them 24/7, you may even go through stretches of time without being in contact with them. But the moment you guys get together, you immediately pick things up where you guys last left off; it’s like the days, weeks or months in between meetings were casually tossed aside. It’s a timeless bond that even Time cannot easily break.

And I realize that’s what I’ve been looking for all these time: friends whom I can “take for granted.” They are not high-maintenance ones, the clingy ones who seem to depend on you for their validation. They aren’t the demanding ones, the emotionally needy who siphon energy off you.

These are people who, regardless of age, I treat them as my equal. I appreciate who they have become. I trust their judgment. And though we don’t always agree on everything, I respect their thoughts, their opinions and the way they think. And in turn, they appreciate, trust and respect me too.

I have several circles of friends from different points in my life. The oldest ones are my high school friends—they’re the ones who are most taken for granted. I’m constantly in touch with two of them, but the rest are scattered all over the U.S. My college barkada is also non-existent anymore; most are already married and with children. But thanks to Facebook and TA, I still get to keep tabs with what’s happening to them.

And it’s also TA that I got to make new sets of friends from different generations—all of them younger than me. And even though they were students when I first met them, several of them are now more successful than I am. (The journey of our friendship is interesting. Before they “looked up to me” but I never really “looked down on them”; instead, I would meet them at their level and talk to them as their equal, because I know that the only thing I have that they don’t is age. But just give them time and experience, and they can even overtake me.)

Now thanks to the Internet I have my blogging set of friends, the most prominent one being the Fabcasters. We each have our own lives but we never fail to keep tabs with one another, and not just through our blogs and Fabcasts. In fact, it’s the off-the-mike and offline periods spent with them that are more special.

If there’s one common denominator among all my circle of friends, it’s humor. We never fail to make each other laugh. So aside from appreciating, trusting and respecting one another, we also delight in putting each other down. Hey, who else can knock you off your high horse except the ones who know you best, right?

I noticed that the level of “taken-for-grantedness” increases in direct proportion to the length of time you’ve been friends with. Thus, a long-time friend wouldn’t even bat an eyelash if his friend pushes him aside to spend time with a new boyfriend. It’s the newer friends who feel the impact of a new relationship the most because they were used to their friend’s availability. Which is also why it takes me a long time to call one a true friend, because only Time will tell.

“It’s the friends you take for granted who stay with you the longest.” There’s beautiful irony there. But if you find a partner who is also your friend and who becomes friends with your friends, then a different figure of speech is more appropriate: you’ve hit the jackpot.

(Hmmm. Didn’t the Spice Girls first hit the charts with a similar sentiment? Eep!)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I Know You Guys Are Waiting For An Update

So here’s an update, courtesy of a YM conversation between McVie and NP:

NP: i know you're busy
NP: but i just read your entry about Bed last night
NP: and i am really sorry that had to happen

mcvie: ay sus wala na yun

NP: i know

mcvie: by the time i reached EDSA, i was ok na
mcvie: hahahaha

NP: but it was heartbreaking

mcvie: nah

NP: the way you wrote it

mcvie: ay, oh
mcvie: well...
mcvie: dramatic license and all, hahaha

NP: anyway, i'm glad you're fine
NP: but i just wanted to say I was sorry

mcvie: thanks, but really, no need to be sorry for me :-)

NP: and by the way, the last podcast was a hoot
NP: hearing you go "kilig" over kent is so... kilig

mcvie: me, "kilig" with kent?! hahaha
mcvie: :-)

NP: you were trying really hard
NP: not to let it be known through your voice
NP: but there was something there

mcvie: hahaha ewan ko ba
mcvie: feeling ko talaga you listeners hear what you wanna hear, HAHAHA
mcvie: :-)

NP: but anyway
NP: did you have the talk?

mcvie: yes, we're good na

NP: so is it still on?

mcvie: er, what's "on"?

NP: ummm... the thing with Kent

mcvie: well, we are seeing one another
mcvie: or going out
mcvie: or whatever they call it
mcvie: "getting to know you" and all that jazz

NP: but it's great that you're willing to try

mcvie: someone told me nga:
mcvie: "you've always been in kent's shoes with all those other guys you fell for"
mcvie: "but all of them never gave you a chance"
mcvie: "why not give kent his?"
mcvie: so my stand is, "let's see"

NP: it's going to be exciting.

mcvie: apparently for you guys, HAHAHAHAHA

NP: that Kent is one lucky boy
NP: to have you as his "mentor"
NP: hahaha. mentor daw o.

mcvie: hehehe

NP: i really hope things work out

mcvie: wag naman!

NP: anong wag? ayaw mo?

mcvie: i mean, i just hope that WHAT'S BEST will work out
mcvie: if it doesn't, you guys will blame me!
mcvie: hahahahahaha

NP: i promise i wouldn't
NP: that's a better way to put it
NP: i wish you both the best
NP: hayy
NP: i can't wait for your next entry

mcvie: it's already posted

NP: about him, i mean

mcvie: ay, no... my newest entry is not about him, hehehe
mcvie: it's about juday

NP: your fabulous friends said in the podcast that he's cute
NP: is his blog private?

mcvie: nope, i don't think so

NP: can you spare me the easter egg hunt for his name and tell me what his address is?

mcvie: sure
mcvie: oh good lord, he has a new blog entry about me


mcvie: mabasa nga

NP: lemme see!
NP: wow
NP: he dedicated a Shanice song for you

mcvie: hmmm…
mcvie: i already told him he needs to improve his editing skills
mcvie: hahahahaha
mcvie: EDITOR!

NP: uh oh
NP: red flags coming

mcvie: my dear, i was never very emotional
mcvie: or if i am, i usually hide it with humor
mcvie: so...
mcvie: bahala ka na to guess if i'm being clinical or just cynical
mcvie: WOW!
mcvie: shet
mcvie: I AM A WRITER! hahahaha
mcvie: i just made that up right now... "clinical or cynical"

NP: yes
NP: i love that

mcvie: hey, i'll ask your permission ha
mcvie: i'm gonna convert this YM conversation as a blog post
mcvie: :-D

NP: sure
NP: it deserves a post
NP: moment of brilliance right there
NP: hmm, maybe this Kent is doing you some good
NP: hahaha

mcvie: hahahaha
mcvie: oh well, we try to get brilliance wherever we can

* * * * *

(Man, I’m so self-aware, I comment on my comments!)

I Love David Choi!

And I love “Poker Face”! And so I love David Choi singing “Poker Face”! (Okay, enough of the exclamation points! Stop it! Right now! Argh!)

Myra E, It’s Juday For!

And this is what we’ve been busy with for the past few weeks.

And of course, the obligatory photo op (here with our broadcast producer).

Nope, I wasn’t star-struck; this isn’t the first time I’ve worked with her. But she is quite a darling talent, a very down-to-earth girl with a good head on her shoulders. See? I said I wasn’t star-struck.

* * * * *

Other photos:

Discussing things with the team in between takes at the Eastwood location.

With Carla, our ever-smiling AE, and make-up artist extraordinaire Juan Sarte, doing his best impression of an Abu Badaf (and I’m doing my impression of Lock-Jaw Girl).

Me doing the “planting rice” dance in the middle of the fields of Zambales.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Heat Is On

Out of the blue on Easter Sunday, I received the following text message from itago na lang natin sa initial na V.

V: Met him first time last Friday. We were together yesterday and today. And now, for the first time since 2005, may BF na ako. Happy Easter!

Tatlong araw na pag-ibig. Now that’s fast love.

McVie: Who? Where did you meet him?

V: R*** on new G4M.


Monday, April 13, 2009

The Six-Month Friendless Stage

“Where’s Leigh?” I asked Chette.

She sighed. “I don’t know. She never has time for me anymore! Ever since she had a boyfriend, she’d always tell me, ‘Not now, I’m meeting my Baby tonight.’”

“Well,” I said, “you know how it is. A lovelife always disrupts one’s life.”

“You know what they say,” Chette said. “When you have a boyfriend, you won’t have any friends for six months.”

“Six months?!”

“Six months to a year,” Chette amended her statement.

I thought about it for a bit. “Actually you’re right. Before when they’re single, they’d always look for you. But then the moment they get attached, they stop missing you. They only Tweet about missing their jowa and their baby.”

“And they Plurk,” Chette added.

“And they Facebook,” I finished. And we both laughed.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

There’s Hope Yet

Thanks to Pomalicious for the heads-up and the link.

Text Therapy

Received an SMS around lunchtime today from someone na itago na lang natin sa pangalang “Tatiana” (pramis, he chose that name for himself).

Tatiana: Hi McV. I was planning to go to Bed last night but cancelled. Mare, pang Maalaala Mo Kaya, Magpakailanman at My Big Love ang drama mo kagabi! Na-miss ko!

McVie: Hahaha! You wouldn’t know it was happening, even if you were there. Everything happened quietly. Yan talaga ang buhay ko, it’s best read for the entertainment of others, hahaha!

Tatiana: It was heartbreaking. Just strengthened my resolve to do an Elizabeth 1 and forego men and relationships/love and sex in general. It never made me happy anyway. Sometimes the heart feels like an appendix. At least an appendix you can get rid of.

McVie: Ay! How interesting. My experience just made me resolve to be more gracious at letting go, but I’ve not really given up on love. The heart is a muscle anyway. So the more it’s broken, the stronger it becomes when it heals, so that it’s easier for me to be more gracious to others.

Tatiana: Well the heart is a muscle and muscles get tougher, making it harder to penetrate. I think that’s what’s happening to me. My birthday gift to myself this year is to declare my independence from love. It shall no longer have power over me.

McVie: Wag naman! Love of country, love for family and friends, keep those. ☺

Tatiana: Madalas kasi I find myself living much better lives when I stick to reason and avoid feelings of any sort. Proven iyan. Basta utak ang pinagana ko, ang ganda ko! Pero the moment I let one ounce of feeling in, all hell breaks lose.

* * * * *

And then in the afternoon I received an SMS from Leigh.

Leigh: I hope you’re doing better today (hug). If you wanna talk, I’m just here. I hope it’s not a feeling like a dead end for you, this entire thing.

McVie: Hahaha! Actually I felt bad at first. But then my mind kicked in. That’s P, fercrissakes! He’s been pining for the longest time for some love life. Last night’s episode is teaching me a lesson on letting go and not being too attached. ☺ NAKANAMPUCHA! Hahaha! ☺

* * * * *

Thanks for the show of concern and the power hugs, guys. But as you can see, I’m fine. In fact, Tatiana is in a less hopeful state than I am.

And as for me, the first stage of the grieving process is denial, right?

(pause for effect)

Mwhahahahahahahahahaha! (evil laftir)

This Kent Be Happening To Me!

To fully know who Kent is, listen to the May-December Fabcast, part three. Go ahead, listen first if you haven’t yet. I spent hours producing the damn thing; perhaps you could set aside around 30 minutes of your time to listen to it.

* * * * *

Kent and I were texting each other before I left the house for Bed. I was inviting him to join me, but his parents wouldn’t allow him out of the house. I wanted to dance; he wanted to dance with me. In the course of our texting, I had to remind him: “If it becomes a problem to you at hindi mo na kaya, just tell me. Okay?”

While I was trying to dance, I received the following text from Kent: “I realized I can’t continue na yata whatever we have. I like you that much… maybe a little more and I’ll fall for you na. And I know I shouldn’t cuz I’ll just break this whole thing.”

Well! Try dancing with that on your mind.

I was trying to compose a reply when I bumped into P. He’s my officemate and since we’re the only two who are openly out in the office, he’s become a good friend of mine. I couldn’t help it. I had to show him Kent’s text to me.

“OMG! Who is this?!” P yelled at me above the thumping music.

“The more interesting question is, ‘How old is he?’” I replied.

“Lemme guess!” P volunteered. “Uhm… 19?”

My eyes grew wide. Damn, he got it on his first guess. “Korek!” I yelled.

P couldn’t help but scream. “OMG! He’s so young! He’s not yet mature!”

I tried to defend myself, saying that I made it clear beforehand to Kent what my expectations were.

“Still!” P yelled at me. “He’s still not that mature! And you’re the older one!” Hmmm, P’s got a point there.

Then P joked, “Lucky you, you get to have 19-year olds! Me, I don’t have any!” I slapped him on his shoulder. “Hey!” I said, “This isn’t easy for me, you know. Be thankful you don’t have any problems.”

P shook his finger at me. “Basta he’s just 19! He’s not that mature yet! And you’re the older one!” he repeated.

So I moved off to one side and sent Kent the following message: “Honestly I felt sad when I got your text. I really like you too, although I’m not looking to jump into a relationship as immediately as you. But I appreciate and respect your feelings. And I’ll even help you move on.”

* * * * *

More than an hour and a bottle of San Mig Lite later, there was still no reply from Kent. I was dancing by myself near the ledge when a guy passed in front of me and, out of the blue, turned to me and said, “I really like your blog!”

The music was so loud I didn’t quite hear what he said. Besides, he looked cute. So I yelled back, “Excuse me? What did you say?”

“I said I like your blog!” he repeated. Damn, he’s really cute. And like always whenever I’m faced with someone cute, my inner torpe kicked in.

“Thanks!” I yelled back, and patted his shoulder as he moved off.

“‘Thanks’?!” I thumped myself mentally on the head.

A few minutes later he came back with his two friends. I smiled at him as he passed by; he smiled back. I picked up the courage and blurted out, “Do you blog too?”

“Nah,” he replied.

My inner torpe proved difficult to shake off. “So how did you stumble upon my blog?” I asked. Jeez, Joel! How lame.

“I think from MGG,” he replied.

I just nodded. He went back to dancing with his friends. So I decided to just block off everything and just dance.

After several songs, he and his friends decided to go to get drinks. As he passed in front of me, I grabbed his hand and said, “Sorry I didn’t quite get your name.” He told me his name. And I said, “Next time leave a comment on my blog.” He said yes and moved on to follow his friends at the bar.

* * * * *

I went to the bar area to get myself another bottle of beer. I saw him and his friends around that area, drinks in hand. His two friends moved away a bit, which gave me an opening. I went up to him and said, “Cheers!”

He smiled and we clinked bottle to glass. He looked adorable.

Then he turned to me and said, “You look adorable in person.” Good lord, and he even beat me to the punch! “Thanks,” I said. “I don’t get that a lot. In fact, I’m often told I look masungit.”

I had to get one thing out of the way first. “How old are you?” I asked. “Guess!” he said.

I looked at him closely. “You look young,” I said. “22?”

He smiled and nodded. “23,” he corrected me, and my mental calculator immediately went to work. A 20-year age gap… eep! But at least our age gap was smaller than the number of years he’s been in existence.

“So what do you do?” I asked him. And we continued our small talk until I spied his friends coming back. During the lull in our conversation I saw P, who was seated near the bar. He looked quite tipsy, so I excused myself for a bit and went up to him.

I placed my hand in front of P’s face, with one finger up. “How many?” I asked. P just grabbed my finger and shook his head. “I wanna go home!” P said. Then he stood up and approached me, wobbling on his feet. That’s when P came face to face with him, who had moved closer to the table to put down his drink. I don’t remember now who talked to whom first; the music was so loud I couldn’t hear them speaking. But all I remember now is P saying something like, “Oh so you play there too?” or something like that. Apparently they had something in common. From their body language I could tell they introduced themselves to each other. And that’s when P’s friends swooped in and took matters into their own hands. One of them grabbed him and P by their shoulders and pushed the two together. I heard P’s friend say, “He doesn’t go out much!”

I made a hasty retreat and stepped away.

I looked at the go-go boys and other shirtless dancers on the ledge. I tried to keep my eyes on them but after a while I couldn’t help myself and turned around in their direction.

He had his arm around P’s waist, and they were talking animatedly, their faces close to each other. I looked away again. I got my body to move to the beat. Lady Gaga was singing, “Just dance!” and I heeded her call. But after a few minutes I just had to look back again.

He and P were kissing.

I moved away and tried to finish off my beer in one gulp. My mind was on overdrive, thoughts racing one after the other: how much closer their ages are to one another; they are almost the same height; they look good together; how presumptuous I was when he first approached me. One phrase kept coming back: “connecting people.” Hello Bed, I’m McNokia.

And that’s when I made my decision.

I went to the DJ’s booth. DJ Brian had already left, and DJ Toy was the one spinning. I kissed him on the cheek and said, “Just paying my respects to the DJ!” Then I said goodbye to couple of people I know.

Lastly I went up to him and P, who were now holding hands. “I’m leaving,” I told them both. He was taken aback that I knew P. I shook his hand first then I leaned forward to whisper in his ear: “P’s my officemate and friend. He’s a good guy, you’re in good hands.”

Then I turned to P, who was surprised that I knew his companion. I pulled P a short distance away and said, “There! You asked for it, you got it.” And I punched him playfully on the stomach, little too hard though—P doubled up in surprise.

I think P was still reeling from the alcohol, the kissing and my sudden punch in his stomach. “Is he the 19-year old?” he asked. “No! Of course not!” I exclaimed in shock. P looked relieved.

“O sha, I gotta go,” I bid my farewell.

* * * * *

In the car I kept my emotions in check. Then it occurred to me: Hey! I have the right to have my dramatic crying fit too, you know. I can do emo! So I tried to feel bad and let the tears flow. But then it occurred to me that I looked stupid hurtling down Roxas Blvd with my face all scrunched up, so I stopped that nonsense.

Then I received Kent’s text message: “I don’t know if what I texted you was the right thing. Ngayon ko lang nabasa text mo.”

Good lord. Kent and I really need to talk.

* * * * *

Thank god P does not watch this show. And you, you know who you are. I know you’ll read this, so please do me a favor. Kindly don’t tell P about this episode, okay?

Saturday, April 11, 2009


More and more I realize that Life often presents two sides of a coin (sometimes there’s more than two, but we’ll leave that alone for now). Light and dark. Good and evil. Love and hate. Single and coupled—or with multiple partners. (See what I mean by more than two sides?)

This is why through the years I noticed that I’ve developed a contrary nature. This contrary nature of mine kicks in especially when almost everybody else is in agreement of one thing; my knee-jerk reaction is to take the opposite side and say, “Wait! What if we examine the merits of the other side first, before we make a decision?”

Let’s take the case of Love.

I grew up a romantic, but Life led me down the cynic route, so now I’m pretty wary of all things romantic and mushy-gushy. What I do is immediately think of the opposite—usually the harsh realities—to temper any romantic notions to merely run away inside my heart. Runaway emotions, if not checked-and-balanced by reason, can lead one to decide on a course of action without considering the possible consequences.

So in the great debate between feelings and reason, I was always against this very romantic notion of “just feel it”. Emotions are emotions, neither right nor wrong; the best thing we can do is to feel these emotions. But the motivations behind such emotions may be worth examining.

For example: One might consider hooking up with another person because one misses this guy’s smiles, hugs and kisses. He might even find himself wanting to always be with the other person, because he misses the feeling of having someone to call his own. Nothing wrong with that, right? But wait, screech to a halt. Examine first the motivation behind such feelings; it may just be possible that what’s fuelling these emotions may be a selfish need to have someone. In fact this may turn out to be the case of “in love with the notion of being in love,” which ultimately is about the thrill of the chase. When the chase ends, the excitement and wonder disappears too. And the need to seek a new chase begins anew.

On the other hand, one must also be wary about over-thinking things. For me, over-thinking in and of itself isn’t the problem; it is when one cannot act out of indecision that over-thinking becomes a problem. That’s why in examining one’s feelings, one should not rely only on oneself; sometimes we are capable of lying to ourselves. This is what I meant when I said in one Fabcast that I don’t trust myself—I realize that I am capable of putting on mental blinders so as to “justify” my decisions. In such cases, a healthy set of friends who won’t hesitate to tell you what’s wrong with you will come in very handy.

I believe Love is a curious mix of the emotional and the rational. Curious because there’s no one solution that’s applicable to all; you have to find the mix that’s right for you.

* * * * *

Sakit sa ulo ba itong episode na ‘to? Ed di mag paracetamol! =)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The May-December Relationship Fabcast, Part Three

The third and last part of the ethereal, evanescent, diaphanous and sheer Fabcast on May-December relationships, now floating on gossamer wings to you!

Listen here: (26 min)

Download this podcast (right click and save - 24MB)

Music credits:
“Be The One” by The Ting Tings
“Secret” by Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark
“Tear You Apart” by She Wants Revenge
“Everybody Knows” by John Legend

Monday, April 06, 2009

The McYaya Chronicles

(The following was inspired by the yaya running gag from the “May-December Relationship Fabcast, part two”.)

* * * * *

My first yaya was always beside me. After all, she would carry me whenever mama was tired (“Yaya, carry baby J!”). When I could walk na, she’d follow me wherever I went. It was exercise for her, because our house in the province was so big back then eh.

By the time I was in grade school, we moved to a condo unit in the city. It was so small. I was so inis with yaya always standing beside me; she was making me claustrophobic. So I pushed her away and got a bell. So I would ting-a-ling-a-ling her whenever I needed her.

High school I decided to replace the bell with a buzzer. Kasi naman my friends kept teasing me, “You sound like the Magnolia ice cream man!” whenever they would visit and I’d call yaya to get us merienda or something. One time yaya actually brought in Magnolia Twin Poppsies for merienda. I never heard the last of it from my friends.

College came and I moved to a dorm near the campus; mama and papa didn’t like how our Rolls Royce would get scratched every time I took it to school; I blamed it on the small parking slots eh. Yaya moved in with me in the dorm, but since she had to stay at the ladies’ wing, I forced her to get herself a pager. I insisted Pocketbell or EasyCall; she got instead a Beeper 150 or something like that, I forget na the brand. Or was it Jaz Pager? Anyway, stupid beyotch. Good thing the pagers were replaced by cellphones.

Yaya always wanted to get a Sun Cellular line. “Yaya, you’re such a looooser!” I yelled at her and gave her Red Mobile instead cuz it’s new.

One day yaya came up to me and asked, “Can I follow you on Twitter?” I looked at her sharply and curtly replied, “I’ll open a new Twitter account!” Yaya’s the only one who follows me there; I block all others.

What a relief Twitter is! My colleague once brought a bag of tofu chips to the office; I took a photo of it on my cellphone and Twitpic’ed yaya, “Buy me these!” And one day I heard her listening to Regine Velasquez in her iPhone; I immediately’ed her the Ting Ting’s “Shut Up And Let Me Go,” which I immediately regretted because she might get ideas. Luckily she doesn’t get irony.

Recently I found out yaya was also in Plurk… with the driver. The hussy! I was so mad I deleted her from my Facebook, MySpace and MyBlogLog.

Now I’m thinking of sending her to Chip Tsao in Hong Kong. But I worry he might not get it that I’m just being satirical here.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

The May-December Relationship Fabcast, part two

This hilarious second part tackles Corporate Closet’s relationships (take note of the “s”), a world of yayas, the difference between Migs and Danton Remoto, and, moving to a bigger picture, relationship gaps not only of age but also of status.

Plus, a surprise guest for the Fabcast! Who? The clue is in the music credits.

Listen: (36 minutes)

Download this fabcast episode (right click and save - 33.2 MB)

Music credits:
“Keep Your Head” by the Ting Tings
“Mony Mony” by Billy Idol
“London Calling” by The Clash
“Miles Away” by Madonna

Saturday, April 04, 2009

The SSB/NBSB Special Podcast, part two

Part two of the special podcast featuring:
Jamiedavinci of The Wandering Polar Bear (,
JB of Coming Out Of Narnia (,
JC of Pieces of a Piscean (,
and Joel McVie of The McVie Show (

Man, I’m soooo bonggang-bonggang super bongga behind na on my podcast productions! By the time I finish with this, one of the SSBS might be… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. After all, Fate can be such a bee-yach!

(P.S. Wanna download the file? Go to The McVie Show In Stereo, link found on the right.)


Immunization is the process wherein the human body is taught to fight against a foreign agent, usually harmful to the body (for example, a disease). Vaccination is the most common form of immunization. With vaccination, a weakened form of the pathogen or disease is purposely introduced to the body, so that the body can react and produce antibodies that will protect itself from the harmful pathogen.

Recently I’ve been administering a vaccine to make me immune. The first time, my system went in to shock; it took me a couple of weeks to recover. The second time, I was able to hold myself together and even joke about it.

Just a few more and my heart will learn to be completely immune.

“You live, you learn
You love, you learn
You cry, you learn
You lose, you learn
You bleed, you learn
You scream, you learn.”

You Learn, Alanis Morissette

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Going Wild Over...

I loved this book when I was still a grade school kid, discovering the book one day in the library. I was drawn by the cover—a little kid and a monster—and the title. It was a simple tale, gently told and beautifully illustrated. I remember how each turn of the page seemed to magically transport me from the kid’s bedroom to where the wild things are, and back.

And now it’s a movie, directed by Spike Jonze. With a top-notch cast that includes: Catherine Keener, Mark Ruffalo, Lauren Ambrose, Chris Cooper, James Gandolfini, Catherine O'Hara and Forest Whitaker.

The song used in the trailer is just perfect. “Wake Up” by Arcade Fire:

Somethin’ filled up
my heart with nothin’,
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I’m older,
my heart’s colder,
and I can see that it’s a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don’t grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little god’s causin rain storms
turnin’ every good thing to rust.
I guess we’ll just have to adjust.

Fool Me Once, Shame On You; Fool Me Twice, Shame On Me

I was going to write about my dad’s death anniversary, but then I realized I’ve been revisiting it for several years now. So I got curious and checked out the reruns of the McVie Show to see just how many times I’ve recounted the story of how my dad pulled the Father of all April Fool’s jokes on us. (See? Even the phrase “the Father of all April Fool’s jokes” is a repeat!) What I found out amazed me.

First: my dad died on 01 April 2004. Good-freakin-lord, that was five years ago. And here I am telling people that it’s my dad’s third death anniversary!

Next: I only featured it thrice in the McVie Show: last year, two years ago and almost the whole month of April 2004. Maybe that’s why I remember it as just the third death anniversary. Eeep! Pathetic.

The two years I didn’t bother mentioning my dad’s demise? One was when my mom and my aunt decided to fly back to Bohol, leaving us home alone for several weeks. The other one was when, uhmmm… errr… ahhh… I decided I’d give romance another chance. Several months later it, uhm, died. Ha! Now that was one exteeeeeeeeended April Fool’s joke played on the both of us.

I so love this day.