Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Commercial—At Fries Na Rin!—Muna

I hate how the one who posted the video on YouTube titled it “Gay McDonald’s Ad in France.” Sure, the title is spot-on. But by putting the word “gay” in the title, he just ruined the gentle surprise twist of the television spot for us viewers. Spoiler to the max.

Other than that, I was amazed at the acting of the young guy. I loved his bemused frown after his dad says that he was “quite the ladies’ man” and especially his priceless reaction after his dad says, “Too bad your class is all boys.” The way his eyes shifted from the table to his dad spoke volumes—several lines of dialogue compressed into one single gesture, one single expression.

Love ko ‘to. (At love ko na rin si bagets, ahahaha!)

Friday, May 28, 2010

Dancing On My Own

Yeah I know it’s stupid,
But I just got to see it for myself.

So go ahead, watch the video.

I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh, oh, oh.
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? Oh, oh, oh.
I’m givin’ it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re takin’ home, ooh, ooh, ooh.
I keep dancin’ on my own.

* * * * *

Aside from humor, my coping mechanism is music—and with it, dancing.

I also have this masochistic streak in me, this desire to punish myself by wanting to know for certain if, indeed, there is no hope for me with a guy. Yeah, I know it’s stupid, but I just got to see it for myself.

And more than several times I found myself in one corner, watching as someone else was kissing him. And he never would see me.

So I keep dancing on my own.

Damn it. This song is piercing.

So what do I do? I dance to it. Alone. Maybe by owning it, it loses its power over me.

(Yeah I know it’s stupid. But I just got to see it for myself.)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sale In Glorietta

Proof that indeed, bottoms are more in demand in Manila. Mas mahal talaga sila!

The Couple Fabcast, Part 3

OMG, here comes part three! Sam and Paul talk about the surprising twists in their relationship. Listen to an episode full of oh-em-gees.

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t

Yesterday in Showtime, judges Vice Ganda and Tado got into an exchange. Apparently, Tado’s anti-gay jokes didn’t sit well with Vice Ganda, and the latter reacted accordingly.

See the first part of the video for their heated exchange:

Later that night, I listened to portions of Tado’s show “The Brew-rats” on FM radio (I couldn’t finish it because I was listening in the car on my way to Greenbelt). There his co-hosts were explaining what happened. I was particularly struck by what Tado said. At the beginning, when he was still “answering” Vice Ganda’s challenges, he was just joking and thought that Vice Ganda was not going to take him seriously. But when Vice Ganda continued to insult him, that’s when Tado decided to keep his mouth shut.

I am of two minds with regards to this issue.

On the one hand, like Tony and Nimmy (who claims he’s a fan of Vice Ganda), I applaud the fact that there was an occasion—on a high-rating show national television, no less—to point out, especially to impressionable children watching the show, that mocking someone’s sexual orientation isn’t exactly funny stuff.

Or is it, really?

One philosophy on comedy states that comedy is suppose to shake, rattle and roll the status quo. It’s the comedian as gadfly—their comedy is purposefully biting, controversial even, often unnerving and decidedly un-PC. It’s a brand of comedy that’s supposed to make people uncomfortable.

So while there is comedy that is well within PC levels, I feel we should also allow for un-PC comedy. And comedians in general should be given more leeway for un-PC comedy. In fact, un-PC comedy is precisely Vice Ganda’ daily bread-and-butter.

I just watched on YouTube a portion of one of Vice Ganda’s live shows in the comedy bar Punchline, and there he was mocking a fellow comedian’s facial features, as in: “Pangit ka!” It’s classic laitan comedy that’s a staple in comedy bars and KTVs everywhere. (While we’re at it, what’s the difference between mocking someone’s looks and mocking someone’s sexual orientation? Is there a difference, given that one can say, “I’m proud to be gay!” but no one dares to publicly announce, “I’m proud to be ugly!”?)

I thought it was pretty obvious that Tado was mocking Vice Ganda by actually employing Vice Ganda’s comedic-weapon-of-choice: lait. What really bothered me is how offended Vice was with Tado’s comments—and how he reacted afterwards. That of all people a Vice Ganda failed to recognize the fact that it was a joke and instead took the bait is, to me, a classic case of pikon-talo. Dude, lighten up. If you can dish it, you ought to take it too, right?

I think it was the manner in which Vice Ganda corrected Tado that really rubbed me the wrong way. Putting someone to task for being bastos becomes a hollow act when Vice himself resorted to bastos tactics. For a moment there Vice Ganda sounded like Willie Revillame, but with more poise and eyeliner.

To cite a difference, let me illustrate by telling a short story featuring Jonas Bagas. (Sorry Jonas, your example was the first thing I could think of, hehehe.) While we were recording a podcast, someone cracked a joke that Jonas felt was a little too much. So what did he do? He immediately called attention to it by simply saying, “Uy, foul yan!” Simply said, with no drama and no condescending I’m-in-my-high-tower attitude. And the offending party immediately realized his mistake, apologized and retracted his statement. Granted, Jonas is not a comedian, and lait isn’t his sense of humor. Which I guess is precisely why he was more effective.

Of course, I acknowledge that a stage show is different from a televised show, and clearly Vice Ganda was conscious of the difference. In fact, at the start he actually said that he was correcting Tado precisely because there were a lot of kids watching the show and Vice wanted those kids to know that it’s wrong to make fun of someone just on the basis of his sexual orientation.

But if we really think about it, Vice Ganda’s statement (that he is thinking only of the welfare and moral education of the children) is merely an emotional ploy—a faux-appeal to higher authority—that is designed to blur the argument. Tado’s t-shirt states: “Di bale na ang magnakaw keysa sa mamakla.” Really now, do we honestly believe that a t-shirt copy will lead to an increase in juvenile theft? And even if they did, the deterrents against crime (the parents, the police, the threat of punishment when caught) are enough so that these kids, as they grow older, will realize that one of Vice Ganda’s statements is actually truer than Tado’s t-shirt copy: “Walang nakukulong sa pamamakla.” This is a lesson that numerous macho dancers, male masseurs and callboys have learned and embraced. This is a lesson A the security guard definitely uses to his financial advantage.

In other words, those who are adult enough to pause and think should realize what’s so glaringly obvious: Tado’s t-shirt statement is a joke, and mature adults shouldn’t even take it seriously.

Maybe it would be asking too much from comedians to act more maturely. And I of all people should know how difficult that is.

* * * * *

Someone tweeted this morning that Tado’s “Di bale na ang magnakaw keysa sa mamakla” t-shirts are selling like hotcakes after the incident. Tado should really thank Vice Ganda.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Cyber-sleuthing Or Cyber-snooping?

One evening I received a text message from someone who is seeing another guy. Since I have no intention of revealing who these people are, for the purposes of this episode of The McVie Show let’s call them by the following pseudonyms:

John, the text sender
Paul, the guy John’s seeing
George, Paul’s ex

John told me that he stumbled upon George’s blog. That blog contained detailed stories of the time George and Paul were still together. Paul doesn’t know that John has read the “sordid stories” of him and George.

The moment I read John’s text, something about it didn’t sit well with me. But I couldn’t immediately pinpoint nor articulate it, so I asked John some questions first. In the course of our texting back and forth, I asked John what was his objective of “cyber-sleuthing” through George’s blog entries when it’s all in the past.

He replied: “It’s a good way to understand the present. We are all creatures of our past.”

I realized that two things bothered me. First, when starting a relationship, shouldn’t both parties start with a clean slate? It’s not like we’re wiping off the past as “It didn’t happen!” but rather we allow the present to matter more, so that the relationship can have a future. Second, John’s “information” regarding Paul is George’s take on things. Even if George is the most even-sided writer in the whole wide world, it still is George’s word, not Paul’s. I thought it would be fairer if John would also ask for Paul’s take on what happened in the past.

So I texted back: “But shouldn’t you give Paul a clean slate? And shouldn’t you give him the choice to reveal himself to you, instead of snooping behind his back?”

I guess the “snooping behind his back” was a little too much, because John texted back: “Don’t jump too fast. I said to ‘Understand the present’ and not to judge. We are shaped by our past; we could learn from it or not.”

So I pulled back and said: “That info is just from George’s perspective. And I think it’s still going behind Paul’s back. But that’s just my take on things.” And that’s how we ended our text conversation that night.

The thing is, even though what John did bothered me, I understand precisely why he did it and, truth be told, I would have done exactly the same thing had I been in his shoes. But knowing me, I’d eventually end up feeling uncomfortable, because reading the blog would raise questions in me.

These are questions that I still don’t have answers to, nor a definite stand on them:

• How trusting are you as a partner? Do you prefer to know who your partner is in an “organic way,” meaning knowledge is given willingly from him and/or from other people close to him? Or is it okay for you to hire a private investigator and get a background check on your partner?
• Shouldn’t understanding his past matter more to him than to you? Self-knowledge will help him deal with his past and who he’s become. As a partner, shouldn’t your concern be more with his present? So should John have told Paul about George’s blog, so Paul will have an idea on George’s take on things?
• Speaking of openness, should John be honest and tell Paul that he’s read George’s blog? Or are some things better left unsaid?

Human nature and human curiosity being what they are, I completely understand why John (or I for that matter) will want to take a peek at George’s blog entries.

But I wonder if I have it in me to just back away from reading all of it.

* * * * *

(P.S. – Dear John, I really want you to remain anonymous, so help me out here by not commenting, hahaha! Or if you really, really want to comment, write it in such a way that people wouldn’t know it’s you.)

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Couple Fabcast, Part 2

The story of Sam and Paul continues, with them going in detail about the early part of their relationship. The beginning of a love story is often the most romantic part, so for this I decided to choose two songs with the same title: “Love Story,” one by Katherine McPhee and the other by Taylor Swift.

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

The Couple Fabcast, Part 1

Welcome back, Troikasters!

Just kidding. The Troikasters were Migs, Gibbs and I before we incorporated Tony, Corporate Closet and AJ to form the Fabcasters. Well, in the following podcast we deliberately kept the number of people in the recording to a few. Why? It was in deference to our guests for this particular Fabcast. We knew that in the course of our discussions, certain topics will come up that are either sensitive or maybe even controversial. Thus, we didn’t want to overwhelm or spook our guests with so many people.

Presenting Sam and Paul, a gay couple who’s been together for 8 years and counting. Listen to Part 1:

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Eugene, Best Actress

Remember how in Kimmy Dora, the terrific tandem of Eugene Domingo and Chris Martinez (as lead actress and writer, respectively) was able to make us laugh and cry, at times almost in the same scene? Well, in the following clip from ASAP (held last Mother’s Day), we see how Eugene manages to pull off that same tricky combination of touching both our hearts and our funny bones at the same time.

Whether she had it planned or it was improvised, Eugene pulled it off with perfect timing. From her hilarious entrance to handing her award to Piolo, watch and marvel at how Eugene “gets” Papa P—in more ways than one. (Watch the whole clip, even the side comments of Eugene are funny all the way ‘til the end.)

And that is why I have stated before, and I will state it again here in The McVie Show, that Ms. Eugene Domingo should be declared a National Treasure. As in, now na.

P.S. – Natawa ako sa sinabi ni Angelica kay Eugene: “Dinaan mo sa drama para mahalikan mo!” Ahahaha!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Move Over, Lady Gagita… Let The Professionals Do It

I am not a huge fan of Michael V, but this parody of “Bad Romance” is inspired lunacy. It was the genius “Jeux tot” that killed it for me.

Oh yeah, and the “okoy, ice cream, candy, la-ing, siopao, beer, gravy” also did it for me.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Pride And Prejudice and Zombies

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession on brains must be in want of more brains.

And thus so begins Pride And Prejudice And Zombies, a wicked book by Jane Austin and Seth Grahame-Smith. If you’re used to mash-ups in music (the vocals of one song grafted onto the music of another song, usually to surprising effect), then this is the literary version of a mash-up.

And what an inspired choice: straight-laced well-to-do English manners meet horror-staple zombies. Grahame-Smith uses Austin’s original text, but grafts onto it tweaks and changes that allow the living dead to wreak havoc alongside the comedy of manners of Austin’s novel. Elizabeth and the other Bennet sisters are trained in the ways of the ninja in an effort by their father to keep them safe from the attack of the unmentionables. What happens when headstrong Elizabeth meets proud, haughty yet highly skilled killer Mr. Darcy? The following excerpt is just a hilarious example of the kind of genteel mayhem abounds in the book:

Elizabeth and Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around her. She was frozen—“What does he mean to do?” she thought. But his intentions were respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess*, which Elizabeth had affixed to her back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. “Your balls, Mr. Darcy?” He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, “They belong to you, Miss Bennet.” Upon this, their colour changed, and they were forced to look away from one another, lest they laugh.

Even though I’ve seen the (critically acclaimed) movie adaptations of both “Pride And Prejudice” and “Sense And Sensibility,” I never found the motivation to read either of Jane Austin’s classic novels—until they added zombies into the mix.

If you like playing Plants Versus Zombies, go grab your own copy of Pride And Prejudice And Zombies now. Go beyond zombies and horticulture and get zombies with culture too.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Body Guard, Part 3

My housemate had a number of her friends over last Friday; it was a mini-reunion of sorts. Guests were trickling in all the way ‘til nearly midnight. At first I joined in the merrymaking, but the Cosmopolitan they concocted was a little too strong for my taste. So a little past midnight I said goodnight to everyone and retired to my room.

I was lying in bed when his text message came in.

A: “Sir, dami ninyong bisita ha.”

McV: “Bisita yan ni T. Nakiki-party lang ako kanina, pero inantok na ako.”

A: “Nasaan ka ba sir?”

McV: “Nakahilata na ako sa kama ko. Pagod eh.”

A: “Sir, masahe kita.”

*double toink!*

I swear. The guy is in need, hahaha!

Bata, Bata, Paano Ka Tumanda?

Mention the name Carlo Aquino to me and the first thing that pops in my head is this somewhat cute but intense (and quite talented) young actor who went head-to-head with the Star For All Seasons, Ms. Vilma Santos, in the movie Bata, Bata, Paano Ka Ginawa? In one epic scream-and-cry-fest of a scene, he and Ate Vi yelled, cried and screamed at one another, and in the process immortalized the line, “Akala mo lang wala! Pero meron, meron, meron!” His contemporaries were cuter (John Prats) or funnier (Stefano Mori), so usually I saw Carlo as a character actor who once in a while can do some lead roles.

Little did I expect that the child would grow up to be a man. Whenever I’d see him onscreen, I thought, “Hmmm, nothing remarkable.” And then I saw him with his shirt off:

Akala ko lang wala. Pero meron, meron, meron!

New Channel ID

Trying out the new templates from Blogger. This is the second time I’m deviating from my usual black-text-on-white-background layout, so please bear with me.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Election Selection

I therefore declare that in our precinct in Marikina, walang guwapo. How sad. Maybe I should transfer to Makati for the next elections. Or, like, Ayala Alabang noh. Yah.

* * * * *

In past elections we’d be at the school grounds at around 7:30am, go straight to our classroom/precinct, confirm our names on the voters’ list, and then cast our votes. The whole process would take no more than 15 to 20 minutes, since most people in our precincts chose to vote sometime after lunch.

When we got there at 7:40am, we were shocked at the long lines snaking outside the classrooms. I guess most people decided to be early in anticipation of the new system of voting using the PCOS machines. But the lines were orderly and the people in good spirits, so we took our place obediently and hunkered down for a long wait.

* * * * *

Don’t you just hate people on line who are forever talking, often in a very loud voice, to their companions or to anyone who approaches them? It’s as if they’re afraid that they will drop dead if they stopped talking.

The woman behind me kept repeating her story of how her dead father was still in the list of registered voters. She also would inform any and everyone within earshot of how this is the second election wherein she cannot exercise her right to vote because her name was not on the list of registered voters.

By the third time she repeated her “My name’s not on the list!” story, I had to restrain myself from turning around and snapping, “Eh wala ka namang ginawa, gaga! You’ve been a very bad girl! A very, very, bad, bad girl, gaga!”

* * * * *

One major cause of delay in our precinct was the number of senior citizens who came out to vote. Sure, it is their right to vote. But can’t they hurry things up?! The volunteers set up a second line for senior citizens only, and for every 5 voters going into the precinct they’d allow one senior citizen to come in.

I suggest that next elections they should just devote one precinct solely for senior citizens. Then when they finish casting their votes, the whole classroom will be locked down, with the doors and windows closed airtight. Then we gas them. We get their votes counted, but we get rid of them in the next elections.

It’s the Hitler Solution.

* * * * *

It took me around 6-8 minutes to actually vote. It’s a lot faster compared to writing down names. Shading was also very easy and fast—just start from the center of the oval and shade in an outwardly circular manner. It’s really the very long waiting time that they should address in the elections.

Now we wait for the bigger circus: the election results and the complaints by the losing candidates.

Headache, Anyone?

I bought this new set of headphones called Chops. It’s from the brand Skullcandy, and according to the packaging it is “Developed in Park City, Utah. Made in China.” I guess it’s also packaged in China, because if you look at the literature on the container, it reads:

“The Chops hanger anchors ear buds to your skull in much the same way unruly pork chop-style sideburns helps secure an unprecidented (sic) volume of folk punk to your dome during your synchronized swimming routine.”

Whuh? Sakit sa bangs.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Here Come More Trailers!

Here is Here Comes The Bride’s “extended web-only” trailer. Why web-only? Apparently MTRCB had issues regarding two scenes with Angelica Panganiban: when she mounts a guy and when she was pole-dancing. Wow ha.

And here’s a more Hollywood-ish type trailer version to whet your appetite some more. Can’t wait for May 12!

Saturday, May 08, 2010

The Paminta Fabcast, Parts 3 & 4

This time the Fabcasters and guest Jonas Bagas discuss, among others, CC growing up when there were still land bridges, admit their preferences (butch or effem) to one another, and share their take-away with their pamhinta-experiment and the discussion that followed.

Amidst much laughter and falsehood about Gibbs’ age, the Fabcasters and guest manage to create a very meta podcast—or in the words of CC: “It’s so Zen!” Listen and enjoy more of the kulitan.

Part 3:

Download Part 3 (right click and save)


Part 4:

Download Part 4 (right click and save)

Friday, May 07, 2010

The Bodyguard, Part Two

It took a while for me to see A again since, as I guessed correctly, his shift had changed.

So last night, I saw him at the front desk of the lobby, all alone. Goody. I approached him, engaging him in small talk. He asked me about my work out. I praised him for being in shape. He decided to show off by flexing first his left then his right pectorals. Whoa. Despite him wearing an undershirt beneath his uniform, I could still see the muscles move under all that clothing. Impressive. I engaged him in more small talk regarding workout habits and the size of t-shirts he likes to wear. He said he prefers medium, because he likes a tight fit. And as he was saying that, he rubbed his pecs and flexed them again. Man, it’s really warm even at night! I decided to hit the elevator button to go up.

“Sir, gumigimik ba kayo?” A asked.

Oo,” I replied. “Inuman, ganyan….”

“Sir, gimik naman tayo minsan!”

Aba. Ayan na.

Sige ba,” I replied.

“Sir, kunin ko number ninyo,” A said, and reached for pen and paper. Then he laughed. “Ay, ilagay ko na lang sa phone ko,” he said, pulled out a sliding Samsung phone from his pocket and handed it to me. OMG. I saw the photo on his display wallpaper—a shot of him with his shirt off in front of a mirror, using the camera in his phone. OMG! Is that a six-pack I see before me? I swear I was so distracted I might have typed in the wrong number.


The elevator door opened, and another guard plus someone from maintenance stepped out of the elevator, talking and laughing. I immediately ran after the closing doors of the elevator. Inside, I waved at A before the doors slid shut.

Around 15 minutes later my phone buzzed. It was a text message from an unknown number: “Hi sir.”

I texted back: “A, is this you?”

Buzz. “Yes sir.”

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Don’t Mess With The Vocab!

Standing at a corner in the bathhouse, I recognized this familiar-looking guy who was headed towards my direction. He and I had hooked up before in the same bathhouse. But that was perhaps a year, maybe even more, ago. He looked heavier now; I remember he had a protruding belly before, but now it seemed like he was six months pregnant.

I was adjusting my towel wrapped around my waist when he passed by. He caught a glimpse of my underwear. He stopped, positioned himself beside me, and whispered, “Sexy underwear.” I was about to reply when he added, quite animatedly, “But man, you ballooned! You were already okay when we first met. You should lose weight!”

I was taken aback.

He repeated, “You really ought to lose weight, ha.”

Okay, that’s it. I didn’t mind being called fat, even if I’m not. (Though I was thinner then.) What got to me was his advising me to do something he himself should be doing. More.

The nerve!

Without hiding the annoyance in my voice, I muttered, “Aba, nagsalita ang svelte.”

He leaned closer to me. “Hah? Svelte? Ano yung svelte?”

That’s when I did a double eye-roll. Then I said, “Corpulent na, imbecile pa,” and walked off.

I thought I heard a “Hey!” but I didn’t bother looking back. I never bumped into him again that night.

Bieber Ever

On the Net it’s all love-or-hate Justin Bieber. I mean, my gosh, that kid topped natural disasters on trending in Twitter; he’s a force of nature, that kid. And now one of my all-time favorite YouTuber (sounds like sweet potato, though he’s more rice than potato) has weighed in on the Bieber Fever.

I swear, I wanna have Nigahiga’s baby! And we’ll name him Justin Bieber.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Paminta Fabcast, Parts One & Two

So what happens when the Fabcasters try to be straight-acting? We get a headache. And get all giggly also. But wait, there’s more! The Fabcasters being who we are, we ended up with a discussion on straight-acting versus effem and, thanks to our guest Jonas Bagas, highfaluting concepts such as “constructs” and “gender identity” are tossed in for more serious measures. (I think.) So after the headache comes the nosebleed.

Check out this special edition, the Paminta Fabcast!

Part 1:

Download Part 1 (right click and save)

Part 2:

Download Part 2 (right click and save)

*NOTE: My new policy is to edit parts of 15-20 minutes in length only, so that downloading is faster. So be ready for future Fabcasts that are cut into four or more parts.

Monday, May 03, 2010

Give A Dog(style) A Bone(r)

There was this guy I hooked up with in the bathhouse. He really looked like a Pinoy version of Sugar Mosley, with matching close-cropped curly hair and stubbles. He also had a very buff body, though not as big and as built as the boxer. But you can see he works out—a lot.

While we were in my room going at one another full-tilt, he kept saying, “Oh, fetch! Oh, fetch! Fetch! Yeah, fetch!” I was too much into pumping his ass to stop, but at the back of my mind a voice was screaming, “WTF?! Why does he keep saying ‘fetch’?! Am I supposed to bark now? Am I to get a bone? No wait—! Wasn’t ‘fetch’ from the movie Mean Girls?!”

(Okay, for those who haven’t watched the Tina Fey-Lindsay Lohan movie: when Gretchen kept saying, “That is so fetch!” in an attempt to coin a new phrase, queen bee Regina snapped, “Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!”)

So afterwards as he was leaving my room, I couldn’t help but stop him, “Hey, wait. You kept saying something like ‘fetch.’ What was that?”

He smiled and said, “Oh yeah, fetch! I just say fetch instead of fuck.”

Oh. That’s so fetch.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Asian Invasion

OMG! My favorite Asian YouTube stars, in one effing music video!