Video-not-oke, Okay?!

Unfortunately our neighbors right across our house brought home a videoke machine. You know, those big ones with a TV monitor, buttons immediately below the monitor, and huge speakers underneath so that it looks like a cross between an old-school videogame machine at the arcade and a jukebox? And where did they put it, of all places? Right in their garage area.

And ever since then it’s been death by audio assault—they’d scream their hearts and tonsils out to our dismay. They especially favor power ballads, i.e. Celine Dion and Bon Jovi mid-tempo songs that one associates with half-naked dancers on ledges and poles. Worse, they love singing them again and again and again.

And every night I think of ways to put an end to the singing. I wanna lay them down in a bed of gunfire.

At first I imagined myself having super powers and clicking the machine off from a distance—they’d never know why the machine shut down. Then as days passed and they continued singing, I imagined bigger powers. I’d cause a power outage on their house—and their house alone. Or whenever they’d sing The Corrs’ “Breathless” (one of their all-time multi-repeat songs), the singer will lose his or her breath. Or I’d detonate the machine with a mere gesture.

Then I decided to imagine a more realistic scenario, like me sneaking in to plant a bomb that will detonate the moment any one of them will hit a score of 99. Tan-tara-tan-tan-tan-tan-taaaaan, tan-tan-tan— KA-BOOM!

One day the machine went dead; apparently it needed repair. Ah, the sound of silence!

Last Friday I was shocked when I heard the familiar sound of a mangled “Breathless” as I neared our gate. Damn those videoke repair shops! Now I have to think of other creative ways to silence them again.

Meanwhile, if any of you here have videoke machines in your houses, please do be considerate to your neighbors and soundproof your walls. Otherwise music will make the people come together—and tear you limb to limb.

Putting The “Adult” In Adultery

An article in The New York Times states what scientists have long known: “sexual promiscuity is rampant throughout nature and true faithfulness is a fond fantasy.” David P. Barash of the University of Washington in Seattle has a great quote about it: “Infants have their infancy; adults, adultery.”

Surely we’re more than animals, you say. Why of course. And besides, it’s not just humans who exhibit outrage when catching their partners double-timing them. Animals also fight those marauding mistresses who take away their partners’ time and attention from their family.

Still it’s fascinating why Nature has equipped man and mammals with a penchant for fooling around. Scientists have theorized that spreading of the genes promotes genetic improvement of the species. Meanwhile monogamy takes another hit; most agree that staying faithful to one’s partner and family is more an economic necessity (keeping the resources within a particular group) that’s just been given social and religious justifications (see all those silly love songs, romantic novels and movies, and the “til death do us part” in religious ceremonies).

Economic protectionism isn’t as important to gay people since our partners need not be dependent on us to keep them alive (unless you have a jowang palamunin, in which case your stupidity is your loss). So how come the idea of an open relationship isn’t as widespread within the gay community? Oops I’m sorry, my mistake. Actually fooling around is common; it’s just publicly frowned upon and unacknowledged. Why can’t we just be adult enough to admit what’s really happening versus what we want to believe is happening?

Is it better if we are just more accepting of the need to fool around once in a while? Will relationships (ironically) last longer if monogamy isn’t its foundation? Or is it better to continue as is, playing around on the side and praying you won’t get caught? Or do we aim for something that actually goes beyond nature, which is to be truly faithful? And do we have the right to look down on people who do not or cannot be faithful?

Disgust—este, discuss.

“4 Minutes”

I don’t know whether to like or dismiss the new song “4 Minutes” by Madonna with Justin Timberlake & Timbaland. The ticking clock start, similar to “Hung Up”, dismayed me. But then Timbaland’s funky horns and the beat come in, and I’m immediately hooked. And for the next 3+ minutes of the song’s running time, it’s a push-and-pull between like and dislike. On the one hand I admit I can’t stop my feet from tapping whenever I listen to the song. But the lyrics leave me scratching my head.

Anyway, you be the judge.

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A Brief Semi-Rant

There’s this old obese guy at the gym who always tucks his sando into his briefs. I see this every morning and I always get dismayed. To make matters worse, his briefs are all—as in, no exaggeration, all—as old as he, with bacon straps and a fit so loose they look like boxer shorts. But because briefs are shorter than boxer shorts, whenever he sits down his pickled pepper peeps out for a peek. Ewww.

He’s not the only one who tucks his undershirt into his underwear. (Strangely they only do that when they’re wearing a pair of briefs. I’ve never seen anyone tuck their undershirt into their boxer shorts—I wonder why.) I suppose they do that to prevent their undershirt from being pulled out of the pants, but c’mon, folks! The sight of a white t-shirt peeking out of the leg holes of a pair of briefs is so… pang-lolo.

Just To Even The Numbers

This is my 1,530th episode of The McVie Show. Here’s the breakdown:

252 episodes in season one (Correction! This was the season when my dad died, not season two as I previously stated. My bad.)
386 episodes in season two
259 episodes in season three
205 episodes in season four (I easily got bored with the theme)
427 episodes in seasons five to seven (by this time I didn’t change my URL anymore for the ads)
+ this one
=======
1,530 episodes

‘Ala lang.

Barking Dogs

“Nachos corn dog, sir… ma’am!”

It was dinnertime and I chose an unfortunate seat near the Nachos Corn Dog stand. Their barker was on extended bark mode, inviting passersby with a resounding “Nachos corn dog, sir… ma’am!” It didn’t help at all that the barker was gay and that he extended the end of his sentences in a high-pitched lilt, like, “suuurrr” (sir) and “me-aaammmuh” (ma’am). He barked at anyone and anything moving within 20 feet: the couple coming out of the theater; a guy with a backpack and bobbing along to the music in his iPod; a group of officemates on their way home; even the guy wearing a Starbucks uniform.

So imagine my whole dinner experience:
When I gave my waiter my order: “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!”
When the waiter served me my Coke Zero: “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!”
While waiting for my fish kebab to arrive: “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!” “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!” “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!”
While eating my food: “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!”

My meal wasn’t even one-fourth finished and I was already contemplating buying five Nachos corn dogs and stuffing them all in his mouth.

But then he suddenly stopped. I looked up and saw why. Two gay guys were sauntering towards Mr. Nachos Corn Dog Sir Ma’am Barker. They were the epitome of twinkhood: almost rail-thin bodies shoved into tight jeans and just as tight tees, spiky hair (sooo yesterday, if I may add) gelled to within an inch of death, and no, wait… they weren’t sauntering, they were sashaying. Well not exactly sashaying, they were HHWS (Holding Hands While Sashaying).

I looked at Barker’s eyes full of fascination and envy, and at that point I got him. They passed un-assaulted by the slacked-jawed Barker; he never took his eyes off them the whole time.

When they were around 15 feet away, Barker managed a feeble, “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr…? Suuurrr? Suuuuuuuurrrrrr?” but they never broke their stride nor looked back.

Barker snapped out of it when a couple with their kid walked past him, and he slipped back into his “Nachos corn dog, suuurrr… me-aaammmuh!” relentless work mode.

But that didn’t bother me anymore.

Cruise Missiles

If you love comedy, bookmark Funny Or Die. Now! The following is hilarious, more so if you’ve seen most—if not all—of Tom Cruise’s movies.

PART ONE


PART TWO

Of Lies And Papayas

There were four other people with me in the elevator this morning on my way to the office. Everyone was silent as per ordinary elevator etiquette. To my right was a woman in a power suit, with a power handbag (I could see the double Gs logo) and a power attitude to match—she had an “I can smell that you’re all beneath my status” scowl on her face. She’s a Power Pout Girl.

And then her phone rang. The ubiquitous opening chords of the “Papaya Song” began to fill the elevator car but her fingers were quick. “Hello?” her icy cold tone sliced through the silence. Then her voice turned all-warm, all-friendly. “Oh, hi Brian!” All-flirty. “Oh, really? Good morning to you too!” she said with a slight giggle at the end of her sentence.

The elevator stopped and I stepped out.

“I’m in Starbucks right now,” she giggled again into her phone.

You should have seen the look of astonishment and amusement on my face. Good thing I was walking away from the elevator so they only saw the back of my head. Star-fucking-bucks, my ass! You lying bee-otch!

I don’t know which one I feel sorrier for her: that she’s trapped in an elevator full of folks who are chanting, “Liar, liar, pants on fire” in their heads; or that she has the “Papaya Dance” for a ringtone.

Clips From Quezon

(Revised 24 March 2008)

Previously I wrote:

I sooo do not appreciate the new iMovie Apple software. They made it more difficult to edit audio in it—my options are so limited. So I had to “junk” my voice-over annotation of the video and just let The Go-Go’s “Vacation” take over. Siiigh.

Okay, I now take that back! I finally figured out how to edit my voiceover into the video. Sheesh, this latest version of the iMovie isn’t as user-friendly as the previous one, but then again, when it comes to editing software I’m still very much an Avid fan.

Blankety-Blank

Even in semi-darkness I could see he was tall and handsome in a scruffy way. He left his door open and sat by the bed, looking back at me. I entered his room and locked the door.

Still seated, he wrapped his hands around my waist. I leaned down. Our lips found each other; our tongues darted here and there, exploring, thrusting. Our fingers followed suit. Pretty soon our towels were off and our bodies locked together, every inch of us feeling, probing the other.

He matched my every move, and I in turn matched his. Pretty soon he wrapped his legs around my waist and tightened their grip. Our bodies and our moans locked and melted into one.

* * * * *

Usually I leave immediately afterwards but this time I had to catch my breath so I stayed for a while. We ended up chatting.

Our interest in each other was polite at first, but later it shifted to something more genuine. I found it particularly easy to elicit answers from him. He stayed in a job for many years even though that wasn’t his first choice. Then he tossed that all away and moved to another field. When I asked him what he wanted in life, he joked: “I just want someone to love and who’ll love me and take care of me so I don’t have to work.”

“You need a two-income household to get by these days,” I played along.

“Well, do you know what you want?” he countered.

“I know what I like for the moment. And for the moment, I still like what I do,” I said. “And if I don’t like it anymore, then I move on.” Pause. “Just like in here.”

“So you come here just to fuck?” he smiled.

Mentally I did the McEye-roll Extraordinaire. “Yep, done. Unless you’re up for take two?”

Cut to take two.

* * * * *

“So where do you work?” he asked.

“Advertising,” I replied.

“Hey, my ex was in advertising.”

“Really? From which agency?”

The moment he gave the name of the agency, a funny feeling washed over me.

“Of course he’s not there anymore,” he continued. “He moved on to _______” and when he mentioned the second ad agency, I knew it.

“Is your ex named Blank?” I asked.

Oh, he was good; he was very good. His hesitation lasted barely a nano-second. Still it was a nano-second too long. “Blank who?” he asked.

“He’s the only one I know who moved from Agency One to Agency Two. And—surprise!—I too worked in Agency Two.”

“Oh so you know Second Blank.”

“Of course,” I said. “In fact I worked with Blank and Second Blank when I was in Agency Two.”

He shook his head. “Jeez, good lord. No wonder they say the advertising world is very small.”

And at that point I knew I’d be drawing a blank from him.

Station Break

And now, a special announcement from the management of this station:

Obviously he’s just not that into me. He’s not even going to read this because he doesn’t even bother to know about The McVie Show even though I’ve mentioned it to him several times. So really he’s not losing out much when I detach myself from him. He may just miss out on some freebies but hey, there will be others. For him, I mean.

And if you think you’re the one I’m referring to here, snap out of it. You’re so vain you probably think this episode’s about you, don’t you? Don’t you?

* * * * *

Back to regular programming.

Quite Quaint And Quiet Quezon

(Try saying the title again and again really fast.)

I just came back from one of my best vacations ever. We spent two days and nights at my friend Katski’s place in Guinayangan, Quezon Province. Located along Ragay Gulf, her aunt’s beach house was so conducive to just sleeping and resting and basically not doing anything.

To get to her place we traveled for about 6 hours on land, then we had to take a 30-minute boat ride to the house. As luck would have it, it started pouring as we boarded the boat. But by the time we were nearing the shore, the rains stopped.

The house rests halfway up a hill, so the view from the veranda is fantastic.

This is the view of the gulf from the house. This was taken during high tide.

This is the same gulf during low tide. Notice how much water disappears during the shifting of the tides.

On our way to this small abandoned lighthouse in the middle of the gulf. It stands on a piece of rock surrounded by sand bars; it’s a perfect place to go swimming.


The lighthouse up-close.


The sandbar connects to the lighthouse, and one can actually walk from the shore to the lighthouse during low tide.

Two men walking on water.

The beautiful sunset.

Going home, we had dinner at Kusina Salud in San Pablo City. We arrived a little past eight, with no prior reservations. Good thing Jaime personally knew the owner of the house, Patis Tesoro. When she saw him, she immediately had us sit and order even though the kitchen looked like they had just closed for the night. Thank god for Filipino hospitality. (Either that, or we just looked really hungry and tired.)

Holy Week Schedule

In observance of Holy Week, The McVie Show will shut down from Holy Wednesday to Good Friday, 19-21 March 2008. I will be going with friends to Quezon, to the exact location and house where the indie movie Still Life was shot. The McVie Show will resume on Black Saturday.

Now go and get a life, folks!

Falling In Love Is So Hard On The Knees

In MGG, a reader named Bad Habit’s Victim wrote about an unspoken love he has for his former student. Read first about his plight entitled “To Tell Or Not To Tell…” by clicking here.

Below is my response:

* * * * *

Dear Bad Habit’s Victim,

First, you are not bad habit’s victim. You are your own victim. You put meaning to everything he does. You choose to stay in a situation that makes you, in your own words, “die everyday”. You may not have chosen to fall for him (emotions have no rhyme nor reason) but you can choose to use your head instead of losing it.

What is your ultimate goal here? To break free of this bad habit, the unspoken hidden desire for him. There are several ways of doing it.

[1] The cruel way: cut clean completely. This is the ultimate cold turkey treatment. If he texts you or says sorry, brush it away. If he knocks at your door, tell him to go away. No amount of his crying in hurt and bewilderment will let you break your resolve. He can hound your common friends, trying to seek the reason why you’ve so cruelly left him. Just leave a cryptic answer: “I need to be away from you so I can find me again.” Or something just as cheesy.

[2] A variation of #1, but less cruel. Leave for some far away country, and stay in the boondocks where there’s only one Internet café. That’ll be a great excuse to not keep in touch with him (or anyone else, for that matter). Stay away for at least five years, or until you find yourself a boyfriend there to distract you from bad habit. The distance and time will surely erode the closeness you guys have, allowing you to move on.

[3] Tell him your true feelings. If you do, there are several possible reactions from him:

[a] He will freak out and step away from you. Then it’s mission accomplished—you now have all the reason in the world not to speak, talk, text, jog, watch a movie, etc. with him.

[b] He will actually reciprocate your feelings. God, don’t we all wish this fairy tale can happen to us?! But if he actually admits that he’s also been sexually and emotionally attracted to you the whole time (and was just afraid to say it), then mission accomplished again—he’s ceased to be a bad habit, and is now a good habit. Wait! He’s more than just a good habit, he’s gonna be your boyfriend! (Say goodbye to his girlfriend.) Okay, enough of this fantasy.

[c] Most straight men are actually capable of being emotionally sweet and accommodating to a fellow man, provided this man is not seen as a competitor. Because you were his teacher, he owes you a lot for being who he is at this point. That’s why it’s possible that his reaction may be (and this is the usual reaction, based on experience): “I cannot reciprocate your feelings, but I don’t want to lose you as a friend.” Well and good, right? Sounds magnanimous of him, right? Riiiiiight… for him. But what does that mean for you? You’re the one on the losing end here. You may want him to be a friend, but you’ve got to get over your romantic feelings for him. But to do that, you have to destroy whatever feelings you have for him—and you cannot, I repeat, cannot, one more time in all caps, CANNOT do that with him hovering around you all the time, asking you out, saying sorry cuz you’re sungit, etc. The moment the truth is told, expect that the friendship you have is AUTOMATICALLY ALTERED FOREVER. Don’t wish for the friendship to remain the same; past is past. (And that’s why whenever I hear someone tell me, “Let’s just be friends,” my first reaction is, “I already have, lots.” And I move on. If we’re really meant to be just friends, it’ll just happen.) So after you tell him your feelings, be kind to the both of you. Give each other space; stay away from each other. It’ll take months, but you just need to break free of this bad habit. (Usually, a new crush or love interest is one of the fastest ways to get over someone.)

[d] A mixture of [a] and [c]. He’ll freak out, but only just a bit. Then he’ll say, “I cannot reciprocate your feelings, but I don’t want to lose you as a friend.” If this happens, follow my advice from [c], and just stay away from each other. You need the space so you can break free from this bad habit.

[e] He’ll be dedma. As in, either he didn’t get it, or he pretended not to get it. if it’s the first, then you don’t deserve a Bobita Rose. If it’s the latter, you don’t deserve this kind of deception. A deception for what end? And to whose benefit?

[4] Continue to die everyday. Now, you don’t really want that option, right?

It’s Holy Week, a time for penance, sacrifice and abstinence. Perfect time, don’t you think?

To Start The Holy Week

(sings) “It’s fun to stay at the… everybody, sing along!”

(Thanks to Baklang AJ for Tweeting this pic.)

Type Ko Ang Score

Atonement wowed me not with its story or direction or acting or cinematography or production design. Sorry James McAvoy, you’re good-looking but not that hot enough. Sorry Saoirse Ronan, you’re pretty impressive but you disappeared in the middle of the film. Sorry Vanessa Redgrave, your devastating seven minutes on screen was, well, just seven minutes (Judi Dench’s Oscar-winning performance as Queen Elizabeth in Shakespeare In Love clocked in at eight-plus minutes). And sorry Keira Knightley, you’re pretty but someone else in the movie beat you to it.

Dario Marianelli’s score had me gasping at my seat and saying, “Cunt!” From the moment the click-clacking of the typewriter morphed into the rhythm and beat of the music, I was astounded, in awe and envious. It wasn’t a superfluous gimmick either; the typewriter figures prominently in the film. (And I also loved how the clicking of lighters—another prominent prop in the film—also mimicked the sound of the typewriter. Later on even the clacking of nurses’ shoes on a hospital floor also echoed and picked up the score.) It’s a simple yet stunning device, used most effectively.

Marianelli deserved the Oscar.

McVie’s Must Watch Of The Week

Kevjumba is the cutest. HappySlip is the phenomenal Pinay.

But Nigahiga is the bomb!

THE iPOD HUMAN


And he and his partner-in-crime Sean have this “How To” series that’s so addicting to watch. Enjoy!

HOW TO BE A GANGSTER


HOW TO BE EMO


HOW TO BE A NERD


Subscribe now to nigahiga!

(Oh, and subscribe to HappySlip and Kevjumba too!)

My First Solo Podcast

I promised myself I’ll be more multi-media in my seventh season. (Gudlak to me!)

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“Mercy” by Duffy

Thanks to my friend Glenn, I’m flipping over this song which hit #1 in the U.K. charts. To repeat what he said, there seems to be this movement of having young female singers (Amy Winehouse being the poster girl—and cautionary tale—of the moment) cribbing from the 50s and 60s and putting a “now” twist to the sound.

The song had me at the thumping intro beat. So now at night I’m bopping silly in the privacy of my room to this 23-yr-old Welsh singer’s song. All together now:
“You got me begging you for mercy!
Why won’t you release me?
You got me begging you for mercy!
Why won’t you release me?
I said you’d better release, yeah, yeah, yeah!”


(I’m not too hot on the video, but damn, I can play that song on repeat the whole day!)

Have a great, merciful weekend, folks!

Chit Chat-an

Had a chat with someone (itago na lang natin siya sa initials na YM) over YM. (Take note, whenever YM and I chat, we don’t always take each other too seriously.)

* * * * *

YM: my only sense of fun is the brian blog
mcvie: hahaha
YM: everybody's so "take that you rich bitch!"
mcvie: yeah
mcvie: that's the only venue where they can do that, LOL
YM: and sooooo loving the who killed joel tantoco? very telenovela
mcvie: naku lalabas na kaya ang katotohanan? abangan....!
mcvie: LOL
YM: and why are the GG not speaking up
mcvie: naku if i were them I WON'T!
mcvie: speaking up is the LAST THING they should do
YM: oo naman, but its not really good for us readers hehehe
mcvie: if they weather this blog and they keep silent all throughout, their power and mystique will increase tenfold
mcvie: alam mo naman ang pinoy
mcvie: I mean, look at imelda and her family... :-)
mcvie: if i were GG's PR spin person, i'd tell them to just shut up
YM: sana may pics or vid si brian of them in compromising situations
mcvie: ay, mukhang wala
mcvie: otherwise dapat lumabas na yun noon pa
mcvie: in fact, i think brian's running out of steam and dirt to dish out
YM: i think marami pa, its just legal stuff thats making him shut up pa
mcvie: eh kasi naman
mcvie: you just don't say things and expect NOTHING to happen
mcvie: karma does not choose sides
mcvie: and what brian is doing may be "entertaining" but... really now
mcvie: there are consequences
mcvie: and the consequences need not necessarily come from the GG group
YM: honey, there's not much he can lose
mcvie: honey, there still is a lot
mcvie: anyway, if brian wants to go down in a blazing inferno dragging the GG along, that's his choice
mcvie: but you think he's going to get any amount back? as in, realistically? :-)
YM: pucha, if that ever happened to me, ill go fuckin jologs on their ass and just kill their kids or grandkids
mcvie: pero yun na nga, YM... there are consequences
mcvie: let's say you go jologs and murder their kids
mcvie: do you think it'll stop there?
mcvie: anyway, choice rin naman ni brian yung blog na yun
mcvie: just as much as the GG have chosen to stay silent
mcvie: (which i think isn't really indicative of how "smart" the GG are, i think it's more of wala silang choice, LOL)
YM: kaso nga, silence or not, he wont be geting of his mney back, then just drag veryone down (yup it's low, but im not exactly on a double-digit floor of the lifestyle bldg now)
mcvie: then there goes all of Brian's statements of "I'll stop this blog when I get my money". Then that's just an empty bluff.
mcvie: if so... if brian's aim is to drag them all down, then the next question is... to where? to what end?
mcvie: throwing dirt at them may soil their name for now... but only for now
mcvie: there is an immediate effect, yes i agree
mcvie: in fact, one of the GG just lost an endorsement due to the blog scandal
mcvie: but like THAT's going to stop them
YM: so we just resign to the fact that they cant be stopped?
mcvie: uhm... stop them from what?
mcvie: stopping them from drug use? that's their problem
mcvie: stopping them from pulling off another fraud? that's OUR problem... kung nagpaloko tayo kay DJ knowing what he did to brian, eh di TANGA tayo, di ba?
mcvie: so... what are we supposed to stop the GG from doing?
YM i meant if you were brian, what would have you done?
mcvie: first I will try and see if there's a legal way to get my money back
mcvie: if there's no legal way, then I just let that money go
mcvie: that's just me, of course
YM: kasi ako, i'd just go crazy on them
mcvie: kasi may kasabihan nga
mcvie: yung pera, puwede mong kitain uli
mcvie: pero I'll never let them get me to drop my dignity
mcvie: and honor
mcvie: i'm sorry, pero that's just me
mcvie: and my attitude towards money
mcvie: i think it'll take something else (not money) to make me give up my dignity and honor, LOL!!!
mcvie: :-D
YM: i dot think it's really the mney, but the amount sure makes it owrth the time and effort for the battle
mcvie: nah, i wanna get that money the legal way
mcvie: mas masarap ang revenge para sa akin kung ganoon
mcvie: (that is, IF there is a legal way)
mcvie: pero kung wala, ay sus
mcvie: feeling ko if that happened to me...
mcvie: after several days of going crazy
mcvie: i'm going to calm down
mcvie: and just let the money go
YM: kasi ako i wanna see them die slowly
YM: i wanna see them suffer
mcvie: hmmm... maybe that's why brian is on a downward death spin
mcvie: he is HIV +
mcvie: so maybe he’s thinking he might as well drag them all down
mcvie: if i were dying and that happened to me...
mcvie: hmmm
mcvie: i don't think i'll still want my money back
mcvie: i think all the more i'd let it go
YM: no fuckin way--im gonna spend my days thinking of ways to quietly get them
YM: moral compass my ass
mcvie: well, that's you :-)
mcvie: kasi as far as i'm concerned, EVEN if i write the definitive tell-all blog/book that'll ultimately destroy them all and that'll be published or released the day i die... well, PATAY NA AKO EH
mcvie: so wa epek din para sa akin, hahahaha
mcvie: hay naku, bakit ba kasi high-involvement ka sa GG? LOL
YM: because kris isnt pregnant, greta's walk-out was a non-event, clinton-obama is in a stalemate, and the zte scandal is soooo old na
mcvie: my gulay, that’s a sign… TOO MUCH WORK NA! GET A LIFE, LOL!
mcvie: get a SEX life! LOL

It’s The Twelfth Of March

Go ahead, don’t be shy. Greet me.

I insist. =)

Leigh Went To Singapore And All I Got Were These Really Cool T-shirts

(t-shirts by NewUrbanMale)

She even got me the card because she knew only I could appreciate the ABBA-esqueness of it all. Thank god for friends who know exactly my sense of humor.

But apparently not my shirt size. She has under-estimated me. Yes it’s flattering, but this is a case of “Flattery will get me stomach cramps”. Time to do more exercises, like sucking my gut in for a whole night.

Oh I exaggerate. I mean, I think I can carry off the dark “YouTube” shirt. But good luck to me on the light-colored one.

Thanks Leigh. It’s gonna be a happy birthday for me.

Good Lord!

What’s In A Name?

It bothers me that some people, especially some gay men, are labeling the Brian Gorrell vs. Gucci Gang Deathmatch as a “gay scandal”.

Watch my eyes roll from here to Timbuktu.

The scandal involves two (possibly more) gay men and what appears to be a gaggle of sexually active fag hags. But the meat of the scandal has nothing to do with their being gay. It’s all about the money, it’s all about the dum-dum-dee-bee-dum-dum, dummies. Oh, and being bitchy and verbally vindictive is not an exclusively gay trait. So let’s get things straight: this is not a gay scandal. Let us not drag every homosexual in the world into this sordid affair.

Goodbye “Gossip Girl”

You are sooo yesterday. Say hello to the newest GG, the Gucci Gang!

Yes folks, the hottest buzz on and off the Internet is the dishy, dirty demolition derby that is http://delfindjmontano.blogspot.com/.

For those who don’t have the time to wade through tons of trash, here’s the Reader’s Digest version about the blog: Australian Brian Gorrell fell for Pinoy DJ Montano who became his boyfriend. According to Brian, DJ siphoned money—lots of money—off him. Now that Brian’s back in Australia, he’s insisting that DJ pay back the money he owes Brian. Otherwise, Brian continues to dish out the dirt on DJ and his circle of friends called the “Gucci Gang”. And what dirt! Warning: the blog is so addicting, so don’t click here if you aren’t ready to waste hours wading through deep shit.

I don’t know anyone of the cast of characters. I don’t belong to that social circle. If the blog’s contents are true for most parts, then it’s a fascinating glimpse not only of the behavior of the people mentioned on the blog but also of the readers as well.

I wonder:

[1] In the blog, how much are cold hard facts, how much is fiery exaggeration, and how much are anger-fueled impressions?
[2] It’s amazing how much people can tear down a person’s character under the cloak of anonymity. The comments pages remind me of the audience at a Roman coliseum with their thumbs down.
[3] If justice—or his money back—is Brian’s goal, is public airing of dirty laundry the only recourse he has? And will anyone in DJ’s shoes actually give back the money if this was done to them?
[4] Why drag everyone in the Gucci Gang down? Was it a group effort to milk Brian dry?
[5] What is Brian’s—and now almost every other anonymous contributor—reason for tearing down each and every one of the Gucci Gang? Is it because they’re bad people? That their bad habits should be exposed?
[6] What I find most disturbing—especially in the comments pages—is that “freedom of speech” is not an automatic license to speak ill of anyone just like that. Sure, everybody also has the right to answer back any allegation made against them. But as much as the blogsphere can be a tool to expose shameless, immoral actions of spoiled rich brats as well as graft and corruption of high level officials, it can also be just as effective a tool in destroying the reputation of (possibly) innocent people. Imagine how torturous an experience it could be for an innocent to have his name and reputation mangled online.
[7] And then what? Where is the blog headed? How far is it going to escalate in its dirt-dishing? And how is it all going to end? Remember, karma does not choose sides.

I have to admit though, the blog is as fascinating and compelling to watch as a train wreck in slow-mo. It appeals to that part of us that wants to peep under the covers of a roadside accident to gawk at the bloodied mess left behind. You can’t tear your eyes off that mangled limb sticking out of the body bag.

Man, if that blog were an actual teleserye it would have beaten the original and the current “Marimar” hands down. If they made it into a movie, the title will definitely be There Will Be Blood.

And She Won?!

Paolo Bediones: Janina, how are you?
Janina San Miguel: I'm fine.
Paolo Bediones: Alright, so you won two of the major awards - Best in Long Gown, Best in Swimsuit, do you feel any pressure right now?
Janina San Miguel: No, I don't feel any pressure right now.
Paolo Bediones: Confident! Alright! Please choose a name of the judge.... We have Miss Vivienne Tan.

Vivienne Tan: Good Evening.
Janina San Miguel: Good Evening.
Vivienne Tan: The question is, what role did your family play to you as candidate to Binibining Pilinas?

Janina San Miguel: Well, my family's role for me is so important b'coz there was the wa- they're, they was the one who's... very... Hahahaha... Oh I'm so sorry, Ahhmm... My pamily... My family... Oh my god... I'm... Ok, I'm so sorry... I... I told you that I'm so confident... Eto, Ahhmm, Wait... Hahahaha, Ahmmm, Sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever b'coz I'm only 17 years old and ahahaha I, I did not expect that I came from, I came from one of the toff 10. Hmmm, so... but I said dot my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you.

Song Of My Life. Still.

Sigh.

I’ve been walking in the rain just to get wet on purpose.
I’ve been forcing myself not to forget, just to feel worse.
I’ve been getting away with it all my life (getting away).

However I look, it’s clear to see
That I love you more than you love me;
However I look, it’s clear to see—
I love you more than you love me.

I hate that mirror, it makes me feel so worthless.
I’m an original sinner but when I’m with you I couldn’t care less.
I’ve been getting away with it all my life…
Getting away with it all my life.

However I look, it’s clear to see
That I love you more than you love me;
However I look, it’s clear to see—
I love you more than you love me.

I thought I gave up falling in love a long, long time ago.
I guess I like it but I can’t tell you, you shouldn’t really know.
And it’s been true all my life.
Yes, it’s been true all my life.

I’ve been talking to myself just to suggest that I’m selfish.
(Getting ahead)
I’ve been trying to impress that more is less, and I’m repressed.
(I should do what he said)

However I look, it’s clear to see
That I love you more than you love me;
However I look, it’s clear to see—
I love you more than you love me.

Electronic, “Getting Away With It”

Killer Question

Had a most relaxing, chatty evening with Tenchu last night. Going home, I offered to drop him off at his aunt’s place in Cainta since it’s on the way to Marikina. At 3:30am I’d rather see him off safely at the gate of his aunt’s than at some jeepney stop.

On the way we were talking about random subjects in between comfortable silence. When I turned into the village gate, Tenchu asked, quite innocently and matter-of-factly, “Hey, have you heard of this serial killer? Is it true?”

Suddenly I noticed that the streets in his aunt’s village were dimly lit, and that there was little activity save for a stray tricycle or two.

He continued: “The killings daw started in Antipolo.” He then mentioned for me to turn right on the first street.

“Then his next victims were in Cainta—”

A street that was quiet and dark and deserted.

And in Cainta.

“—and now they’re saying he’s in Marikina.”

Which means his next victim will be someone from Marikina.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Had Tenchu reached for his pocket—any pocket—at that point, I would have squealed like a little girl.

Sounds Familiar?

I got this from AJ, who got it from this Australian website. In celebration of the 30th anniversary of Sydney’s Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, they asked people to vote for the gayest songs of all time. I suspect that because the majority of voters are Aussies, several of the Minogue sisters’ camp classics made it into the list.

* * * * *

The 50 Gayest Songs of All Time

50. Elton John and George Michael “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
49. Dead or Alive “You Spin Me (Like A Record)”
48. Pet Shop Boys “New York City Boy”
47. Diana Ross “Chain Reaction”
46. Deborah Harry “I Want That Man”
45. Cher “Strong Enough”
44. RuPaul “Supermodel (You Better Work)”
43. KD Lang “Constant Craving”
42. Culture Club “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”
41. Chaka Kham “I’m Every Woman”
40. Wham “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
39. Paul Lekakis “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room)
38. Kym Mazelle “Young Hearts Run Free”
37. George Michael “Outside”
36. Donna Summer “I Feel Love”
35. Dannii Minogue “This Is It”
34. Belinda Carlisle “Summer Rain”
33. Peter Allen “I Go To Rio”
32. Sylvester “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real”
31. Heather Small “Proud”
30. CeCe Peniston “Finally”
29. Madonna “Express Yourself”
28. Cyndi Lauper “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
27. Charlene “I’ve Never Been To Me”
26. Tim Curry “Sweet Transvestite”
25. Barry Manilow “Copacabana”
24. Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer “No More Tears”
23. Whitney Houston “I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)”
22. Sister Sledge “We Are Family”
21. Queen “I Want To Break Free”

20. Dolly Parton “9 to 5”
19. Coming Out Crew “Free, Gay and Happy”
18. Village People “In the Navy”
17. Frankie Goes To Hollywood “Relax”
16. Village People “Macho Man”
15. Judy Garland “Over the Rainbow”
14. Bronski Beat “Smalltown Boy”
13. Diana Ross “I’m Coming Out”
12. Cher “Believe”
11. Gloria Gaynor “I Am What I Am”

10. Alicia Bridges “I Love the Nightlife”
09. Madonna “Vogue”
08. Olivia Newton-John “Xanadu”
07. Kylie Minogue “Better The Devil You Know”
06. Pet Shop Boys “Go West”
05. Kylie Minogue “Your Disco Needs You”
04. The Weathergirls “It’s Raining Men”
03. Gloria Gaynor “I Will Survive”
02. Village People “YMCA”

And The Gayest Song of All Time is:

ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”

* * * * *

That ABBA took the number one spot isn’t surprising. They were a huge hit in Australia (watch the Aussie movies The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and Muriel’s Wedding and you’ll see what I mean).

This is kinda embarrassing, but there are only 5 songs that I’m not familiar with (35. Dannii Minogue “This Is It”; 34. Belinda Carlisle “Summer Rain”; 33. Peter Allen “I Go To Rio”; 31. Heather Small “Proud”; and 19. Coming Out Crew “Free, Gay and Happy”). But let me state that maybe I do know some or all of them, I just didn’t realize that those were the titles and singers (for example, I suspect I actually know “I Go To Rio”).

And one, 07. Kylie Minogue “Better The Devil You Know”, I actually have on CD except that I don’t really listen to it.

Otherwise, I know all the songs and can actually sing a snippet from them, hehehe. =)

Max Headroom Is Sooo Eons Ago

(Thank you CokSkiBlue for sharing this site.)

Log on to http://cubo.cc/ or click here. You’ll see… HER.


Don’t just stare at her, though. Start dragging your cursor all over the screen, and watch what she does.

I find it creepiest when she smiles.

Great Print Ads

The following are proof that one can make a great print ad without an art director. (Okay, okay, I’m kidding, all ye art directors and artists out there!)

(Click on the image to enlarge it.)




And below is my favorite of all three.


Aren’t they the coolest?! Man, I’d kill to be able to write even one. I now officially have writer’s envy, which is like penis envy except we’re comparing, uhm, copy length? Oh what the fuck, never mind.

Ken Lee!

And now, presenting the sister of Alyssa Alano of “Keys Me” fame:

Take Your Pic

Random shots from my McZ610i.

This is my favorite couch in the office. It’s where I often take a 10-15 minute shut-eye during lunch break, especially if I lacked sleep the night before because I watched a movie or cavorted in the bathhouse.

Saw this female newscaster at a Chinese news station; because big news needs big hair.

Cold morning at Taal Vista in Tagaytay; we were there for an overnight planning session.
I loved the low clouds brushing the side of the mountain.

Sunday evening found me having dinner and walking around SM Mall of Asia. I loved how they’ve converted the walkway facing the bay. Mayor Lim demolished the restaurants and pubs along Roxas Boulevard, but they just moved shop to behind SM MoA. I had a relaxing time walking around, taking in the sights and sounds. Over at Padi’s the lead singer of the band has faulty pronunciation and diction. Most of the folks there were in twos or in large groups.



While I’m not a big fan of SM MoA, its metropolis-size means there are many areas that have yet to be discovered, new shops opened, new attractions coming out. Great for the adventurous you—plus you get a brisk workout to boot.

I got sooo excited when I saw the poster at the IMAX Theater. There have been rumors that they’re coming to Manila for a concert, but even if that doesn’t push through, I can always settle for seeing Bono and company onscreen, larger than life and in my face.

Here’s Why I Can’t Be A Movie Mogul

A pitch for an indie movie starring Coco Martin and Sid Lucero.

Coco Martin plays a tricycle driver. Sid Lucero works at a call center and is enjoying the initial trappings of a high-paying salary—he now has a small condo unit in QC and has just purchased his first (second-hand) car.

One night Sid’s car conks out; he flags down Coco’s tricycle. Instead of just driving Sid back to his condo, Coco offers to help Sid try and repair his car. They both end up sweaty, greasy and shirtless; much touching, accidental brushing of skin-to-skin, and occasional glances at one another ensue. They manage to start the car; Coco offers to follow Sid just in case the car stalls again. They get to Sid’s driveway and eventually inside his unit and into each other’s pants.

Sid employs Coco as his driver. But one day Coco accidentally runs over a child thief that Sid was chasing after (meta-movie reference alert!); Coco takes the rap instead of Sid. In jail, Coco becomes the new bitch for the inmates; rape scenes abound. Until one day Coco decides he can’t take it anymore (in the ass) and flips roles; he rapes one of the inmates (played by none other than Allan Paule, who else?). Coco now becomes a torero inside the jail, tasked by his fellow inmates to devirginize new inmates.

Sid hears about Coco’s new role in prison during one of his visits. Heartbroken, he breaks up with Coco. In a drunken state, Sid goes to the Quezon Circle area and picks up tricks. Night after night he indulges in anonymous pick-ups. Until one evening the trick he approached turned out to be an undercover cop. Because he didn’t have enough money to pay off the fine or the policemen, he gets thrown in jail—the same one where Coco is in.

Faced with his former lover, Coco has no choice but to rape him in front of the inmates. But what starts out as an act of violence turns quickly into an act of love and reconciliation as the two lovers make love in front of everyone. This angers the other inmates, who proceed to beat up the two. In the ensuing melee, the two are stabbed to death and die in each other’s embrace.

Hey, wait a minute! Why do they have to end up dead? Heck, I’m the one who’s making this up. Erase, erase, erase! Here’s the revision.

As they make love with such passion and abandon, the other inmates start feeling hot and bothered all of a sudden. They turn to one another; a massive orgy happens. The guards come in to break up the action; instead of encountering resistance, they encounter kisses, caresses and fondling fingers. The guards join in the fun. FYI, the Viva Hot Men and the Provoq guys will play all of the inmates and guards.

Only the warden stays out of the mass action. Instead, he grabs his cellphone and starts taking videos of the action. He then posts them on YouTube. Soon after, “Jail Inmates Orgy” tops YouTube’s Most Watched Clips, eclipsing the “Cebu Inmates Does ‘Thriller’” clip.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

I need help in coming up with a title. Here are some that I’ve thought of:

[1] Basta Driver, Sweet Lover
[2] Rear View
[3] Behind (Huy, maraming meanings yun, ha: behind the wheel, behind bars, behind his back, doing him from behind….)
[4] Gulong
[5] Coco And Sid Go To Prison

Anyway, maybe you have better ideas for a title. Suggest away!

Awardzt!

Past 9pm Friday night, I received text messages from my colleagues in Boracay. A direct mailer material that my art director and I created won a bronze award in the Creative Guild Awards held there.

“I’d like to thank my art director, he was the one who first thought of the concept; I helped flesh it out and embellished it. And thank you to our artists, our print producer, our suppliers, and to our AEs for pulling everything off. And to our ECD for choosing that material as one of our entries.” (pause) “You like me… you really, really like me!”

But really, for me awards are no big deal. I mean, sure, they’re a big deal at that time it’s given—and a few days after. And for the young ones in the industry, they’re still at that stage where losing at an awards show is a big blow to them. But if you think about it, there are more award winners (bronze, silver, gold and even platinum) who have all been relegated to the dustbin of memory. And if you ask people what their most memorable or most-loved ads are, a number of those ads did not even see the light of nomination. In the larger scheme of things, it really is not as big a deal at all (jeez, I’m so gonna get in trouble for this from my bosses, hahaha).

So when you receive an award—be it an Araw, or a Kidlat, or a Clio, or a Lion, or even an Oscar(!)—just receive it graciously, thank everyone genuinely and profusely, and get off that stage as quickly as possible.