Trip Lang

Londonboy and Tony accompanied me when I brought D to his hometown in Bataan for the semester break. It was, to borrow Tony’s tweet, a road trip, food trip and laugh trip.

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From Makati, we drove straight to Bataan. We had a bit of discussion as to how D will introduce us to his family (he’s not out to them). We agreed on “church-mates” as our cover story. At the backseat Tony was practicing how to say, “God bless, po” while Londonboy declared he could pull off “straight-acting” if he limited his speaking to the bare minimum, like, “Yes,” “opo,” and “Good evening po.”

When we got to D’s place, we helped him unload his stuff from my car. We could hear him tell his dad and sisters, “They’re church-mates.” After unloading, his dad went to buy soda for us. When D served us the soda, all three of us had the same reaction: “Hu-whaaat?! Regular Coke?!” Later on we three confirmed that the first thing that entered our minds when we saw Dad walk in with the Coke Litro was, “Eeep, sugar!”

We bid a hasty yet respectful exit after downing one glass each. Our excuse? We wanted to reach Subic by dinner.

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Dinner in Subic was at Texas Joe, a barbeque place along the Boardwalk strip. Great spare ribs and beef brisket we ordered.

Over dinner we were talking about whether we were successful in pulling off our straight “church-mates” act. Tony and Londonboy insisted that D and I were obvious because we acted so familiar with one another. “What?!” I was incredulous. “I didn’t make any physical contact with D the whole time!”

“But remember when you were looking at the family pictures in the sala?” Tony pointed out. “You asked D if he had any pictures there. No straight guy would ask another guy for his pictures!”

“Especially baby pictures,” Londonboy chimed in.

I wanted to drop my fork. “Eeep! Oo nga noh.”

Then D texted: My dad said Londonboy is gay. Ang hinhin daw kumilos… bwhahahaha!

Toink!

Tony said, “Tanungin mo si D kung tinanong ba ng dad niya kung mambababae tayo sa Subic?” I texted Tony’s query.

D replied: Sabi nga mga bakla ata kayo… wah… my gaydar tatay ko…!

Double toink!

* * * * *

Then we went to Angeles, Pampanga to witness the nightlife. Tony brought us to the Coffee Academy, where majority of the baristas and the waiters were eye candy. (Local eye candy, yes, but still eye candy!) And a cup of coffee that fetches for a hundred-plus pesos in Starbucks only costs 65 pesos there.

We then moved on to Zulu, a garden café/bar that had a breezy, relaxed ambiance, very affordable pints of frozen margarita mango and pizza with ultra-thin yet crunchy crust, it’s almost like a cracker. Yummy! We ordered the Lucban longganiza pizza, which had generous servings of that delicious sausage plus salted egg and lots of cheese. The whole time we were ogling at two of the waiters. One was a short guy with a very cute boy-next-door face (Tony said he was in a television commercial before) while the other one was a bulky hunk who, while past his prime, still had a hunky-daddy aura to him.

We stayed until past midnight, drinking despite the liquor ban. I liked the vibe of the whole place. It’s beki-friendly despite the mixed crowd.

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And the prettiest quotable quote came from Londonboy that night: “Kaya siguro ako mahilig sa natural na guwapo, kasi pagising sa umaga eh mga guwapo pa rin sila.”

Triple toink!