Detachment

Back when I was still SSB (single since birth), I went through a phase when I swore off falling in love. This was after another episode of unrequited love (don’t ask anymore). At that time I toyed with the concept of detachment, reasoning that by divesting myself of the desire to have a romantic partner, I’d be spared of heartache and disappointment. I was in my mid-twenties when I first thought of that idea, and I tried to perfect the art of indifference.

Cut to several years--and a more sheepish me--later, I realize now that having a sense of detachment does not mean indifference. It isn’t about not caring or refusing to be close to anyone.

It is actually second nature for us to be attached; even at the womb, we were umbilically connected to our mothers. For someone to really know how to be detach, he should first know what it’s like to be be attached.

But attachment bring with it a fear of separation and, when it finally does happen, hurt and pain. Detachment is not a means to avoid the hurt and pain that comes with separation.

Rather, I believe that having a sense of detachment means one has an appreciation of the bigger picture. Our hurts are but tiny specks in the vastness of the universe; our love is but a minute fraction of God’s infiniteness goodness. When one realizes that, then even the most painful heartache is placed in its proper perspective.

With every beginning, there is an ending. Happiness exists because there is sadness. There is good and there is bad in everyone. In the end, life is nothing but striking a balance between two opposite ends, both valid in particular, specific contexts.

I think when I embraced the idea of falling in love as an individual choice and yet dependent on an Other who will also fall for you, that’s when I became more receptive of love coming my way.

Or heck, I just got lucky.