Q-&-A To “Out And About”

In the previous McVie episode “Out And About”, viewer Jedd asked the following phone-in questions:

“Do you think coming out to them would do something good for your relationships? Or would it be really awkward lang? Do you think they'd rather you not tell them? Maybe that's why they haven't brought up the guts to ask you about it. Or baka naman they're just being respectful.

Do you think you'd ever come out to them in your lifetime? You've stated your policy. Do you want them to ask you anyway so you can tell them? Or mas okay na sa yo that way?”

First, a short preamble. The way I value my family is different compared to my friends; friends I can choose, family I cannot. Also, I fell in love with my family all over again back in the early 2000s, and so far I’ve not fallen out of love yet. One more: we’re not the touchy-feely kind of family, nor do we talk openly about our feelings to one another. At the dinner table, talk is often punctuated by jokes and hiritan. We don’t talk about our crushes, love life (or lack of it) with one another. We often show our love and concern through action.

Do I think coming out will do well for our relationships? I can’t say. I cannot read their minds or foresee the future. With my siblings, my best guess (or hope?) is that they wouldn’t mind it much. They may say, “So long as you don’t dress up in drag and wear make-up!” My brothers who have kids may find it a little difficult to have to explain to their kids what it means that their uncle is gay, but it’s up to them to find a creative way.

With my mother it’s a little more iffy. As I said, she may have a problem with the whole gay thing. Just to illustrate my point: I have a female cousin who’s now rebelling against her born-again parents by running away with her friends. When my mom was telling us about it, she interjected, “Eh kasi naman yang pinsan ninyo, may mga kasama siyang mga lesbians!” I wanted to ask her what being a lesbian had to do with running away from home, but decided not to since I was already late going to the bathhouse.

So in weighing between what is and what could be, I subscribe to the clichés of “Ignorance is bliss” and “Some things are better left unsaid.”

And here’s why I’m comfortable with those clichés: I believe that, in very simplified terms, sexual preference boils down to “who you prefer to have sex with”. And when it comes to that and other sexual habits and practices, I don’t need to tell anyone in my family, especially my mom, who I like to boink, much less how I like to boink them! I mean, do you really want to know if your parents 69 each other? Or your mom gives your dad head only because he insists? Or that your dad loves it when your mom sticks her finger up his ass just as he’s about to cum?

Some things are better left unsaid. And if my family knows nothing about my sex life, I’m fine with it. Another way of stating my policy: I will not force it down their throats, but if they want to know the truth from me, I’ll tell them just that.

The irony here is obvious: my so-called sex life is spelled out in graphic detail all over The McVie Show; if any of my siblings stumble upon my blog, they’ll have instant confirmation that their brother is gay and that he gives good head. Which is a good segue to the following set of questions.

“Do you think you’d ever come out to them in your lifetime?” Again, I’m no seer so I cannot answer that. “Do you want them to ask you anyway so you can tell them?” I actually prefer that they ask me instead of me volunteering. If they get the nerve to ask me to my face, then it means: [1] they want me to tell them the truth; [2] they deserve an honest answer from me.