Ang Pagdadalaga Ni McVie, Part 2

Part 2: Let’s Talk About Sex (or Being Sex-positive)

I started getting interested in sex during high school, when I’d see my male classmates pouring over girlie magazines and I’d be turned on peeking at their hard-ons.

Shortly after that I had my first sexual encounter. It was in a movie house in Cubao with a total stranger. In high school I started watching movies on my own (I discovered the joys of watching a movie again and again and seeing the reaction of the crowd during different showings, but that’s for another topic altogether). One day I was watching alone in Quezon 2 (back when there were no malls, movies were shown in stand-alone theaters; however, those theater owners saw the value of having more than one screen, and so that started the trend of having Quezon 1&2, Coronet 1&2, Remar 1&2, etc., but again that’s for another topic) when a guy sat next to me. That was the beginning of my movie-cruising years. Then I discovered massage parlors, but part of me was (and still is) put off by monetary payments and negotiations.

It was when I discovered bath houses that I really let loose my inner slut. At first I felt a pinch of Catholic guilt after a particularly raunchy time in the bath house. Over time that guilt disappeared, but it wasn’t because I forgot about it. As I experienced encounter after encounter, I asked myself if there really was anything wrong with it. We were both consenting adults, we knew what we were getting into, and (eventually, with the advent of HIV) we also made sure we played safe. So I asked myself: What’s wrong with responsible sex between two consenting adults?

Some people would say that only sex with love can reach ecstatic heights that casual sex cannot. Or that sex with love has more meaning versus casual sex. That may be true for certain people; heck, it may even be true for most people.

However, sex defies surveys and popular choices. Sex is about finding out what you enjoy the most; even better, sex is about two individuals satisfying one another. (Yes, most casual sex partners tend to just worry about their own satisfaction. But assuming that both parties fairly mature, and both are looking out for their own needs, then most likely the negotiations will produce a win-win situation.) Physical satisfaction may sound limited, but those who’ve experienced what endorphins can do will attest that the satisfaction goes beyond physical.

And assuming that sex-with-love really is the most mind-blowing of sexual experiences, what about those who aren’t in relationships? Casual sex, especially the raunchy, sweaty, heart-and-waist-pumping kind, can reach heights of ecstasy too. It may not be the same, but it sure can be quite toe-curling. Don’t believe me? Perhaps you haven’t been getting much.

So what does being sex-positive have to do with being gay? Our choice of sex partner is the very definition of “homosexuality,” but sex between two men (or two women) is still quite the taboo. We should be allowed to exercise our gayness without the stigma.

That includes the scorn that we get from our fellow gay men. An active sex life is seen as slutty instead of healthy. Again, I ask: So what’s wrong with being a slut?

So you’re contented with having occasional sex. So you prefer sex only in the context of a monogamous loving relationship. So you think the ass is purely “exit only, no entry.” Fine, well and good. But don’t force your views on everyone. Don’t put yourself higher than everyone else. Not everyone thinks that every sperm is sacred. Sex need not be limited to the procreational kind; sex can also be recreational. Sex is a matter of motive and taste, and in taste there’s no dispute or dictatorship.

And just because I am a slut because I have more sex than you doesn’t make me a lesser person. It just means I work harder. It just means I’m comfortable with the idea that 2 responsible adult males can decide to engage in a physical activity that will result in a lot of sweat, physical exertion, possibly some soreness in certain parts of the body, and a general feeling of euphoria after the deed. If it sounds like I just described two men playing tennis, well, there you go. Recreational sex is just like playing tennis, except that one shouldn’t hit the balls too hard.

George Michael had a hit song entitled, “I Want Your Sex (Part 1)” and the following lines really resonated with me:
It’s natural,

It’s chemical (Let’s do it!)

It’s logical,

Habitual (Can we do it?)

It’s sensual,

But most of all...

Sex is something we should do.

Sex is something for me and you.
Sex is natural, sex is good.

Not everybody does it,

But everybody should.

Sex is natural, sex is fun,

Sex is best when it’s one on one.

Well okay, so I don’t always agree with the last line (hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it), but you get my point.

(Up next, Part 3: All You Need Is Love)