Gay Fail?

It’s a common sentiment I hear, that many or most gay relationships fail. Which got me wondering, “Relative to what?”

Let’s examine things. If you look at the straight population, you’d see that many straight men and women go through several relationships before they end up married. Now let’s examine the married ones. We hear of unhappy marriages and marriages that have ceased to be, but remain one by name only. Why? Because divorce is not allowed in our country. So while they may remained married, their marriage has all but failed.

So if we really look at it, many relationships, gay and straight alike, fail. In terms of absolute numbers, there are more failed straight relationships than there are failed gay relationships.

But let’s examine further the idea of a “failed relationship.” What constitutes failure in a relationship? Furthermore, what constitutes a failed gay relationship? We live in a society where gay marriage is not allowed, and gay relationships aren’t encouraged. The odds are stacked against us, yet we forge on. And when a relationship ends, does it mean it’s a failure? What if both parties agreed that they’ve outgrown one another? What if one wants to move to a new direction, and the other agrees to let go of him? Where’s the failure in that?

And we even question the validity of monogamy, that Holy Grail model of straight relationships. What is the value of monogamy? Is it relevant to gay people? Or maybe more pointedly, is it relevant to the couple concerned, regardless of their sexual orientation?

If two people come together and enrich one another’s lives, if they become better persons because of their union, then that relationship had value to both parties. And even if that relationship ends in a not-so-friendly separation, a bad break-up does not negate the beautiful connection that once was.

There’s a difference between a relationship that failed and a relationship that ended. Not all relationships end in failure, and not all relationships that end are failures. Some relationships end because it’s time for one or both parties to move on into a new era of their lives.

In the end, it is not the quantity of time but the quality of the relationship that is more important.