Bathhouse Debate

One evening in the bathhouse, this guy made the mistake of engaging me—right after our one-on-one engagement—in a discussion that quickly turned into a one-sided debate. And all because he insisted on impressing on me the importance of “having a special someone in your life.”

Groan. Of all topics, of all places!

It started out simple enough. He asked me why I was still single by choice. And I told him that sometimes there is no choice. It takes two to tango but while there’s no one who wants to dance with me, then I dance alone—or join a dance group.

The initial friction started when I told him I was open to the possibility that after 10 or 15 years with one partner, if it becomes clear to both of us that we’ve grown our separate ways, I am willing for us to break up and remain friends rather than stay in the confines of couplehood.

“Whaaat?!” he practically screeched, despite a valiant effort to keep his voice down. “Why are you so negative?”

“Huh?” For a moment I was flummoxed. “Negative?”

“Yes!” This time he didn’t make an effort to lower his voice, for emphasis I guess. “Bakit mo pinangungunahan ng break-up?! Hindi pa nga kayo, bini-break up mo na. Bakit ang negative mo naman?”

Ting! Something in my brain clicked and went into overdrive. Negative ba kamo, ha?!

“Bakit ang negative mo?” I immediately countered before he could add anything more. “Bakit iniisip mo na ang break-up ay automatically negative? Sometimes breaking up is the best course for both parties.”

Slap! Yan, i-negative mo mukha mo.

Then the next throw-down happened when we went into the whole singe vs. couple issue.

“Man was not meant to be alone,” he said.

“Well, I’m not alone,” I said. “I’ve family, friends, officemates, casual acquaintances….”

He threw me an exasperated look. “It’s different when you wake up and your partner has prepared breakfast for you.”

“And I love how my mom prepares breakfast for me,” I said.

“She’s a mom,” he said.

“Not all moms do that,” I said. “You know what? Your problem is two-fold. First, you assume that everyone in the whole wide world values couplehood the same way you do—not everyone does. Second, comparing singlehood versus couplehood is comparing apples and oranges. You can’t say one is better than the other. It’s not that simple. Some people may thrive on being single and unattached to one person. Besides, you speak of single life as if it’s something bad; it’s not.”

“Okay,” he interrupted. “I will challenge you on that.”

I paused, looked him in the eye and said, “Good! While you’re at it, why don’t you also challenge the late Mother Teresa? Or the late Pope John Paul II? Or how about Jesus Himself? Don’t tell me they lived lesser lives because they had no partner in life!”

“But that’s different,” he said. “They’re religious.”

“And I’m not?” I shot back. “I could actually be a cult leader—you just didn’t know. But seriously, I could actually end up with a particular vocation, you know? Like counseling gay couples.”

“But wouldn’t you want to grow old with someone?” he asked. “Wouldn’t it be great to wake up every morning and see a face beside you in bed?”

“At least I avoid morning breath,” I said. And I know one face I wouldn’t want to see beside me when I wake up.

Slap! Slap!