Imagine you have a crush on this guy. You’re attracted to him physically and—perhaps at that time—emotionally. After going out with him several times (coffee and movie only, no hanky-panky), you tell him you’re interested in him. But he turns you down, saying the immortal line: Let’s just be friends.
Excuse me. I have more than enough friends already. And they are great people so I don’t see any need to replace any one of them.
How can you be friends at that point? Hellerrrrrrr?! So you tell him, sorry but you can’t be friends until you get over him. As in, the sight of him doesn’t make you wish you and he are together. As in, you don’t get jealous when he tells you about his gym crushes who stare back at him while working out. As in, over and done with, period, no erase, pass your papers. And only after then, maybe, just maybe, when there are no more ulterior motives on your part, you may meet up with him and maybe, just maybe, the two of you may hit it off—as just friends. But that is one big maybe.
So when after several weeks he starts YM-ing you, asking “Are we friends again?”, part of you gets really suspicious. What’s the hurry? Can’t wait? Can’t find anybody else to be your friend? Part of you wants to tell him: If you really want us to be friends, you’d just let me be. Because friendship cannot be forced—it happens or it doesn’t.
And so you wonder, what’s his motivation for wanting to be friends ASAP? And you start to consider different reasons: Genuine feelings on his part? Desperately lacking friends? User-friendly ulterior motives? But since you’re no mind-reader, you end up just that—wondering.
And since he isn’t even interested in reading your blog, you just blog about it instead.
12 comments:
A male friend once told me. Guys want it cold when its hot, and wants it hot when its cold. Go figure. :)
@MUGEN: It could be a selfish ego thing for him.
raymund gerard:
ahhh. what you wrote...three times over the course of three years...thats my relationship with this one friend i have. now im deliberating if im gonna patch things up with him a 4th time. there's gotta be a better way to do these things. haaayyyy.
@RAYMUND GERARD: Yes, there IS a better way to do these things. YOU take control of your life and stop it yourself. For most people it's three strikes and you're out; I believe in nipping it in the bud much, much earlier.
Perhaps behind your hesitation is the hope that he'll recant the "let's just be friends" statement and will want you two to be more than just friends. That only happens in the movies. Snap out of it.
You should've slept with him. If you don't sleep with them or wait too long...you become just friends. Toss him the trash. Unless you think he can be a hot fu*k.
@JOHN: It's kinda difficult to have sex with someone who isn't interested in you sexually--there's that sense of pagsasamantala. As I said, he wanted to be "just friends".
I have worse statements from guys:
"Ibaling mo na lang sa iba ang feelings mo". Deep words, I still don't get it now. What's "ibaling?".
"Ipunin mo na lang ang pera mo."
"I'm not into it."
"Tssk."
The mystery of whether there's life on Mars might be solved first before I can solve these puzzles.
Noel
baka gustong sex muna, then let's see where we're headed... yun lang.
@BAKLANG AJ: Teh, hindi nga siya interested in me sexually, Teh. Yun ang isa sa mga subtext ng statement na "Let's just be friends". =)
devil's advocate:
he actually likes you so much as a friend. you are smart and witty and fun to be with. you could discuss anything and everything. you could be compassionate and yet be critical in a politically correct way. in short, you could be a 'perfect friend'.
the subtext: let's get over the 'im liking you a lot part' and get back to having fun again as friends. what's the rush? he had a great time with you and would like that to happen again.
well, just another POV.
@CC: Yes that has occurred to me, that's why I actually had to jump the gun on him and told him that "we can't force a friendship to happen". That he insists even after repeated reminders from me smacks of... hmmm, how do I say this without sounding too bitchy?... uhmmm... smacks of hardheadedness?
this is such a carrie bradshaw post hehehe
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