I never thought I’d see the words “high school fair,” “La Salle,” and “bodybuilding competition” in one sentence, so when our friend H told us that it was open to the public, we didn’t hesitate to troop to Greenhills on a Saturday afternoon. I like eye candy just like any hot-blooded gay guy, but I’m not a big fan of those bikini competitions and Mister Baranggay pageants. I guess I find it limiting if it’s only a look-but-no-touch set-up. But this is in La Salle! In terms of livestock, this is prime-grade meat. Don’t get me wrong, I like down-to-earth proletariat male beauties too. But it’s rare to see Catholic school boys bearing their bodies to be ogled and cheered by spectators, so I decided to go out of my way for this one. It’s the closest thing to a Magic Mike by way of UAAP.
Thank god for insider friends who were able to get us tickets before they sold out. “Us” here included D, his friend Kid, fellow Fabcaster Tony, and our friend T. When we entered, the auditorium was already jam-packed. We decided to sit at the very front row. The onstage speakers and footlights blocked parts of our view, but we figured that the contestants would move to the front of the stage to pose anyway. All the better to look up at all those green family jewels.
Tony had his kick-ass camera ready, so he abandoned the front row for a front seat at the balcony box nearest the stage. Better vantage point, he said. A few minutes later, I received an SMS from him: “FUUUUCK! I left the memory card in the car!” It was most unfortunate because his car was parked in Robinson’s Galleria, and the contest was about to start. Apparently God does have a wicked sense of humor.
To further remind us of Him and the fact that we were in a Catholic school, the contest started with a prayer. Jusko. (Literally.) The prayer was a reminder to everyone that “our bodies are temples.” I had a sudden urge to desecrate temples all of a sudden.
The contest had two categories, students and alumni. Except for one or two vertically-challenged boys, the students looked like they could belong in college. Maybe that’s what happens when they lose their boyish shapes. But hey, college is still college, right?
After the first round when I saw all the contestants, I got bored and started playing games on my iPod Touch. I would look up once in a while to check out the ones I found cute and/or hunky, but otherwise I was more challenged with getting pixelated jewels to align for points than trying to get a glimpse of the boys’ family jewels.
We did have a couple of favorites. In the student category, one of the shortest guys was also the cutest, face-wise. While he was posing, we received another SMS from Tony, “H said that Cutie is gay. May jowa! OMG!” And during the alumni portion, this “Richard-Poon-knocked-down-a-couple-of-socio-economic-classes” guy caught my attention because during his “most muscular pose” he grabbed the edges of his short shorts and pulled them up even further. In his next round Tony SMS’ed again: “Look at him. Bakat na bakat.” Yup, I believe he may be the most muscular in that aspect.
While walking out of the campus grounds after the contest, I vowed to myself to find a way to convince the Jesuits that their high school should have a macho dancing contest in their next school fair.