Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Reaction Shots

So this independent film maker Rafa Santos stirred a hornet’s nest by joking on an ANC interview that he hires theater actors because “you can feed them Sky Flakes three meals a day and pay them in cat food.”

Understandably theater actors are now up in arms, demanding for his head. Well actually, his apology would have sufficed, thank you very much. But he refused to apologize, saying that his words were taken out of context. So now only his head would suffice. Oh, that and a total boycott of his film. Calls were also made for Cinemalaya to pull out his short film.

Meanwhile here comes Bishop Bacani, the same bishop who was forced to step down because of sexual harassment accusations, who recently commented that he finds gay marriage “kadiri.” Now it’s the gay community who’s up in arms online; some have even appended the hashtag #BacaniKadiri on their tweets.

I see the outrage online from theater actors and gay people (most of them one and the same). And I completely understand why they are stark raving mad. But may I request that we tone down the vitriol?

Maybe Santos will never apologize and will never learn from his mistake. Frankly, that’s his loss. I think the public online humiliation he’s currently experiencing is Karmic payback in broadband speed.

But do we need to stoop to insults? Call him out for his insensitivity, but do we need to call him names too? You might find ganging up on him funny; well, that’s the same insensitive humor that got Santos in hot water in the first place.

In the same vein, I know how easy a target for ridicule Bishop Bacani is; let’s face it, one look at his face and you have an easy target. (See how easy it is?) But let us resist the temptation; let us call out Bishop Bacani for his un-Christian ways, but let us also not be as mean-spirited as he is. Otherwise, we all end up on the same side of the hate fence.

You see, I feel bad if we won’t get to appreciate the work of those theater actors who graced Rafa Santos’ film if it gets pulled out or is boycotted. And I would also feel bad if his crew doesn’t get recognized for their contribution to the film either. I say, allow his film to be shown, and let us appreciate the work of the actors and everyone else. Maybe you can even appreciate Santos’ work as a film director, if you can delineate between Rafa the Director versus Rafa the Immature Bad Comedian. If one can do that with Roman Polanski, then I suppose one can also do that with Santos (not that Polanski and Santos are in the same league). But after Cinemalaya, we can boycott any and all productions that he has lined up next, until he apologizes or is forced to hire more expensive movie stars--or cats.

As for Bishop Bacani, well, who listens to him anyway? Oh alright, let us pray for the enlightenment of his mind and the salvation of his soul.

Theater actors are know for bigger gestures and bigger facial reactions, so that the people in the back row can also see their performance onstage. Maybe in this case, it is wise to tone down their performance to one that’s for the camera. And gay people are used to okrayan. Perhaps it’s more prudent to not pitch their reactions in the key of bitch.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Further After-Musings

I was struck by the reaction of Palma Tayona to my previous post regarding Migs’ behavior during our Fabcast with Boy Shiatsu. And while I’m definite that Migs can very well take care of himself and doesn’t need defending from me, I also like to take this time to clarify certain things, just because I can.

We did goad Migs to state his “very raw” feelings regarding sex workers (you can hear it starting around 18:32 of the Fabcast), and he complied. What we really appreciate about Migs (and Gibbs has pointed this out time and again, even in our Fabcasts) is his fearlessness and honesty with himself. And we also appreciated how he trusted us Fabcasters (and you, the listeners) enough for him to show us his unedited self. Not many people can be as fearless in being that honest and open in public as Migs during that Fabcast; I know that I can be careful and even calculating with what I say during the Fabcasts or write in my blog. That he did so, and challenged us to do the same, took a lot of balls. And for that I applaud him.

Not only is Migs fearless in being honest with himself, but he’s also not afraid to confront who he is and even question himself. And despite showing us his reservations regarding sex workers, he did appreciate the different opinion that Gibbs and I stated (beginning 26:00). I wouldn’t be surprised that Migs in the future will reassess again his attitude regarding sex workers.

Collectively we all agreed how Migs’ honesty made for one of the most interesting Fabcasts to date (immediately after the recording, we were all marveling at how intense, and therefore how interesting, the discussion was). The next day during breakfast I brought it up again with Migs, and he did say, with a wave of his hand, that he was tired of safe answers, either from him or from the other Fabcasters.

My musings in my previous blog post were my attempt to explain why I am more blasé and matter-of-fact when it comes to sex workers. I was more puzzled than angry at Migs during the recording. That night Migs played a role different from his usual objective and understanding host. That threw me off, but heck, I thought it was worth it.

Post-Fabcast After-Thoughts And Musings

The most recent Fabcast was one of our liveliest and most polarized one yet. Of course we ended up laughing and still friends; I think we’re all mature enough so that even if we disagree, we do not to take things too personally.

After the record button was switched off, Tony mentioned something which surprised me. He even blogged about it: “Migs’ reaction wasn't a surprise to me, knowing his tendencies and background when it came to such a multi-leveled and morally polarizing question. What did come as a surprise to me was McVie’s stand. I truly thought that he would have resonated more with Migs’ thoughts on the matter since I knew McVie has reservations about personally paying for sex.”

Yes I do have reservations about personally paying for sex, but my reservations are not of a moral nature. I never had a problem paying for sex before. And when I say “before” I mean back in the 80s. I first started exploring the joys of gay sex in dimly-lit movie houses. Then as I made more gay friends, they introduced me to massage parlors. Lakan was the parlor of choice (we found Datu a bit more expensive).

What weaned me out of sex-for-pay was my discovery of the bathhouses. There I would just pay for the entrance; after that, I can have all the sex that I want. The currency wasn’t money; it was face-value (or body-value or both). What thrilled me more was not the power my money wielded, but the desirability of my physical looks. I wanted to know: in an environment where “ganda lang ang puhunan,” how would I fare?

As I quickly found out, my desirability level fell squarely on the middle of the Bell Curve of Pinoy Male Physical Beauty. There were even days when my desirability level fell dangerously near the lower-tier of the curve; times like those, my ego took a hit. But soon enough I learned to accept things and adjust my expectations. And eventually I discovered that there were good days and there were bad days; most days fell somewhere in between.

So when I say that I now have reservations about paying for sex, it’s simply this: I’d prefer someone who will have sex with me because he wants to, and not because he was paid. I am turned on more when I know that I turn him on too; if someone is paid, he need not be turned on by me for sex to happen. For someone who voluntarily chooses me, the sex is most likely consensual; for someone paid, the sex is most likely a duty or a chore. (Of course, there are exceptions. Maybe for someone like Boy Shiatsu, some really hot, hunky clients may be more like perks of the job instead of just being a job!)

As I’ve stated in the Fabcast, I don’t have a problem with having a sex worker for a boyfriend. Of course there are other factors to consider before choosing someone to be a partner, but for me the equation is simple: I know I am capable of being in an open relationship. And in my mind it is only a thin monetary line that separates a boyfriend-in-an-open-relationship from a boyfriend-who-is-a-sex-worker.

That is why I called out Migs for his condescending tone when he said, “Congrats!” and, earlier, when he called Gibbs “plastic” and the two of us as, “kayo na ang mabait, kayo na ang kumakalinga sa sex workers.” My capacity to consider a sex worker as boyfriend material does not make me a “better” person from someone who can’t; it just means I see sex workers in a different way from Migs. I didn’t question Migs’ different point of view; why couldn’t he accept mine?

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Q&A Fabcast, Part 4

And now, presenting our fourth and final caller for our first phone-in Fabcast, Boy Shiatsu! He’s the guy behind the self-titled blog (click here). Why Boy Shiatsu? Because he offers massages that may have happy endings. Yes folks, Boy Shiatsu is a commercial sex worker.

This particular episode is significant for a couple of things. First, it is the lengthiest Fabcast ever, clocking in at 35 minutes and 31 seconds (the previous record holder is Part 3 of our “Generations” Fabcast which was 31 minutes and 13 seconds long). Second, it is one of our “liveliest” discussions ever, with our voices rising along with our emotions. Heated discussions lend to a more interesting recording, so why don’t you sit back and eavesdrop on the conversation? Or better yet, why not join in the conversation and put in your two-cents worth on the matter?

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

Music credits:
“Bad Girls” by Donna Summer
“Short Dick Man” by Gillette & 20 Fingers
“Let Me Tickle Your Fancy” by Jermaine Jackson
“Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj feat. Ester Dean

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Q&A Fabcast, Part 3

And our third caller is from Bohol. He’s Ming Meows, and we’ve met him before in our infamous Fabcasters’ Party in LPL Suites (that’s the party wherein I basically shushed everyone the whole night, someone shoved someone in a fit of anger and opportunists took opportunity of the dark to do dark stuff, like voodoo or witchcraft, but I digress).

Speaking of Bohol, Ming Meows is from Batuan, which is also the town where Boy Box of the Decasas are from. Gasp! Is Ming a relative of McVie? Maybe, maybe not. I digress again.

Listen in as Ming asks the Fabcasters a question fit for Independence Day.

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

Music credits:

“Free” by Ultra Nate
“Free As A Bird” by The Beatles
“Bailero” by Sarah Brightman
“Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Thursday, June 23, 2011

This Is Personal

It’s alarming, really. The virus is here, it’s real, get real folks. HIV is not some distant disease. It is hitting everybody, not just our community; but sadly, it is within our community that the rise in the number of infections is steepest. You may know someone who’s already infected and can infect others. Worse, you may know someone who’s already succumbed to the disease. When it’s this close, it’s time to take things personally.

The Fabcasters are doing things individually and as a group in helping increase awareness and action. However we’ve only managed to scratch the surface, with our interview with Jake. Luckily there are others who are at the forefront of this fight against the virus.

There is the “Take The Test” Project. Headed by Jethro Patalinghug, this advocacy group focuses on making HIV testing more accessible to everyone, providing more information on HIV and AIDS and doing awareness campaigns on HIV.

There is another campaign called “The Red Whistle” spearheaded by Niccolo Cosme. According to their website, Red Whistle “aims to empower and inspire people to come together and help each other in this battle against HIV and AIDS. We hope to engage individuals and groups to HELP sound the alarm in their respective communities that HIV is here and it must be stopped.”

The message is two-fold. [1] First, if you haven’t had yourself tested, then get yourself tested. HIV is not a death sentence, unless it’s detected too late. So have yourself tested. [2] Play safe. Practice safe sex always. Develop a healthy, positive and fun attitude towards safe sex.

Now is the time to speak up; we cannot be quiet about this. Now is the time to be aware, to know the facts. And now is the time to act.

Take the Test Project:
The Red Whistle Community:

PLUS! A list of social hygiene clinics where you can have yourself tested for free (thanks to 12th for this link):

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Life And Death

My immediate boss’ mother lived a full life. A diabetic who was in her 80s, she was constantly battling complications left and right. Last April she was hospitalized. Given her condition, the family knew that she would never leave that hospital room alive; it was just a matter of time. But that time stretched to three months.

This morning my boss texted that her mother passed away peacefully at around 9am. Her message was placid: “We have been blessed a million times over with her and we celebrate her life well-lived.”

* * * * *

We both went to the same gym. We were working for ad agencies when I first met him. And he and I were bloggers. He was always buffed up, although he did slim down dramatically after coming back from a long illness; I still am battling the bulge. He stayed in advertising; I left for a different industry. He blogged anonymously under a pseudonym; in my blog, I only withhold my real family name.

We shared battle stories of encounters in gym saunas and in bathhouses. He was the raunchier one, kinkier and more adventurous. If I had half of his sexcapades, my “Bathhouse Book” would have been encyclopedia-thick.

Last year I didn’t see him for a stretch of time at the gym. On his FB status, I saw that he was recuperating from some illness and was dying to get back to his exercise routine. When he got back he was slimmer, but he was determined to pump his body back to his previous bulky self.

Then I got lazy and didn’t see the gym for several months. When I came back, I didn’t see him anymore.

Today I found out he was dead. I found out from Facebook; a common friend posted a message of condolence on his wall. I checked his wall; messages of “farewell” and “rest in peace” were slowly coming in.

* * * * *

Death gives value to Life. Death puts Life in its proper perspective.

Death and Life are but two sides of the same coin.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Stigma: The Jake And Miguel Story

“Hey McVie! Can you please reference this on your blog? Thanks!”

That was Jake Lopez’s message to me on Facebook. Jake is the guy the Fabcasters featured before, the Fil-American who was knowingly infected with HIV by a friend. This (yes, you can click on the link first before you continue reading) apparently is the story of a guy named Miguel who sent Jake a message on Facebook, saying how gay men like Jake have no one to blame for their positive status but themselves. As far as this message-sender was concerned, Jake was being hypocritical in his current advocacy because he was sexually promiscuous in the first place.

Prior to Jake sending me the message, I had read Miguel’s messages on Jake’s wall. (I think Jake has wisely taken them down from his wall; I can’t find the exchange anymore.) And while Jake has his own guesses as to what possessed Miguel to mouth off like that on his wall, my take is this.

I sensed a bit of online grandstanding from Miguel. You know how guys behave differently online versus offline? Online they’re gutsier, more abrasive and aggressive; but when you meet them in person, they end up meek, mild-mannered and agreeable. I won’t be surprised that to a certain extent this guy was purposely trying to get a raise from Jake.

But on the other hand, I also sensed that Miguel actually believes in what he was saying. In which case, Jake was right in pointing out the stigma that gay men, especially those who are HIV+, have to endure. People like Miguel actually believe that promiscuous gay men deserve getting HIV; it’s their punishment. And because they brought it upon themselves, they have no right to warn other gay men to play safe. Now what kind of illogical thinking is that? First, Miguel obviously didn’t read or listen very well to Jake’s story; Jake’s mistake wasn’t promiscuity, but rather an unfortunate lapse in judgement for one instance. Second, it’s the people who made mistakes who are often in the best position to warn others how to avoid making such mistakes.

Jake, it’s good that you still believe in reaching out to people like Miguel. Me? His message won’t even see the light of day.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Q&A Fabcast, Part 2

For our second phone-in question, we have Rocky Sunico, the blogger behind The Geeky Guide to Nearly Everything.

At the start we actually had a hard time having a conversation with Rocky because Migs’ call kept dropping. I actually was kind enough to edit down the number of dropped calls to two; in reality, the dropped calls numbered around four.

Rocky’s question resonates with the first question by Ton, who was being pressured by the LGTB group in his office to come out. Listen in and enjoy:

Download this fabcast (right click and save)

Part 2 music credits:
“Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster The People
“I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross
“Lazy Calm” by Cocteau Twins
“I Am What I Am” by Gloria’s House

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Waiting For Eugene

Chris Martinez is a friend and the writer. Marlon Rivera is a friend and the director. Eugene Domingo is a friend and the star. JM De Guzman is... shet, crush ko siya! (Sayang, di ko masabing friend ko siya, hahaha!)

Now tell me, is this a must-see? Or is this a must-see?! Yes, this is a must-see!


“We’re one but we’re not the same. We get to carry each other, carry each other.” -- One, U2

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Q&A Fabcast, Part 1

After the highly emotional Fabcast with Jake, the Fabcasters were in the mood to record a light, not too serious, fun fabcast. “Yung baklaan lang!” we said to one another.

Yeah. Riiiiight.

We were surprised when Migs announced that he had arrange several listeners to ask a phone-in question to the Fabcasters. We’ve always planned to do something like that, especially when Migs was still in the U.S. But because he kept flying back to Manila for work at that time, we always ended up recording while he was here. So at long last, we were able to experiment with technology.

We had four callers with four questions for the Fabcasters and the peanut gallery. Here is the first caller, Ton. Listen and enjoy!



Download this Fabcast (right click and save)

Part 1 music credits:
“Ask” by The Smiths
“Shut Up And Let Me Go” by The Ting Tings

Le Freak

I have yet to see someone I know really freak out. As in, go ballistic like the one below. Check it out:

At first I was skeptical; was this staged? But as I watched the video, I thought, man, this kid must be a Method actor to commit himself 100% to several roles. To wit:

First he plays Disgruntled Spoiled US Teen.

Then he channels Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

Then, viola! He’s magician David Copperfield.

Suddenly, he’s a gay porn star. Is he really serious? He wants to shove the TV remote up where the sun don’t shine?

Hulk rage! (But I don’t recall the Hulk try to injure himself with a shoe.)

More Linda Blair bed-listhenics.

“SHUT UP!” I love it how, despite all that huffing and puffing, one shout (probably from his dad) shut him up pretty quickly.

Spoiled brat.

White Out!

It’s Pride Month, and that only means one thing: the White Party in Malate! No matter how much huffing and puffing is done by other bars in QC and Ortigas, Malate remains the pink capital of Manila. And every year, one of the biggest, gayest celebration happens along the streets of Orosa and Nakpil, when pink turns white at the annual White Party.

This year Bed Manila hosts Temptation: The Bed Manila Ultimate White Party, featuring selected cast members of the remake of Temptation Island: Rufa Mae Quinto, Solenn Heussaff and John “Sweet” Lapus! Plus they have other surprise guests and performers. Bitchin’ music will be provided by 4-play DJs: Toy Armada, Brian Cua, Ohm-R and Arrjae Puno; visuals by VJ Dan L.

For a preview of the fun to come, watch their teaser video, featuring a special Temptation Island Remix by DJ Brian Cua :

Be proud, be safe, be white!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


Since June is Pride Month, here’s someone whom I’m so proud to be on our team. Neil Patrick Harris famously came out in a 2006 People Magazine interview, saying, “Rather than ignore those who choose to publish their opinions without actually talking to me, I am happy to dispel any rumors or misconceptions and am quite proud to say that I am a very content gay man living my life to the fullest and feel most fortunate to be working with wonderful people in the business I love.”

Although he was also quoted as saying that he’s more interested in being an entertainer than an example, his excellence as a performer is a shining testament that a person’s sexual orientation shouldn’t even matter when it comes to doing good work. What’s more, I find his example more subversive because he doesn’t make such a big deal out of it; in fact, he actually delights in poking fun at it.

Case in point, the video below. It is his opening performance to this year’s Tony Awards, and NPH nails it. (By the way, Brooke Shield’s flub was painful to watch; NPH saved her in the end, turning an embarrassing moment into a funny one.)

Being proud doesn’t mean we must always shove our rainbow flags onto other people’s faces. Neil Patrick Harris is lucky that in his line of work his being gay is a non-issue. I hope that one day we may all get to be as lucky as him.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Top & Bottom

Okay, okay, I don’t care if Hugh Jackman is straight and married, he’s the gayest straight man I’ve ever laid eyes on. And here in the following video he goes head-to-head (insert giggling here) with Neil Patrick Harris. To see two wonderfully talented song-and-dance men do what they do best (and with the gayest “top and bottom” reference there is) is one of the best reasons to watch the Tony Awards.

* * * * *

And of course I wanna watch The Book Of Mormon!

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Relatively Speaking

There’s always one in every office; a guy or girl who comes around selling food. In our office he’s called Boy Box, because he puts his wares inside a big carton box. I often buy sweet corn on the cob or turon from him for afternoon merienda.

One time Boy Box overheard that I came from a visit to Bohol. “Taga-Bohol po kayo, sir?” he asked. I answered yes.

“Boholano din po ako!” he said. But he was from Batuan; both my parents came from Bilar, so that was that.

Yesterday as Boy Box was leaving our office (he didn’t have any sweet corn that day, so I didn’t buy anything from him), I saw the copy printed on the backside of his t-shirt: Decasa Grand Reunion 2010.


My dad’s middle name, which is my paternal grandmother’s maiden name, is Decasa.

I texted my mom: Was Lola C from Bilar? Because I met a Decasa, but he’s from Batuan.

She replied: Taga-Bilar. The Decasas in Batuan are their relatives.

Oh. My. Gawd!

So I texted her: Oh my, I think I found us a distant relative!

She texted back: I only know a Gustavo Decasa from Batuan who usually stays at Tia Dolly’s whenever he comes to Manila. Sumalangit na yata.

For a few seconds I stared at my cellphone’s screen. Gustavo?! Jeez, how did they come up with those names?

Tomorrow I will ask Boy Box if he knows of a Gustavo Decasa. If he does, I will ask for a major discount to all my purchases henceforth.

* * * * *

P.S. -- (June 10, 2011; 4:13pm) I asked Boy Box, “May kilala ka bang Gustavo Decasa?” His face lit up and he said, “Ay sus, lolo ko yun!” So it’s CONFEEEARMED, we’re related.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

But What About Safe Sex?

With all of this HIV and “take the test” talk, I feel that there is now too much emphasis on knowing the status of gay men. I mean, it’s actually good and I’m all for people knowing their status now, not later. But what I feel is being neglected is the other side of the coin in the fight against HIV: promoting safe sex.

In marketing terms, the biggest problem is how to make safe sex desirable to the target audience. In other words, make safe sex both sexy and fun. One of the biggest hurdles for most people to adapt to the safe sex routine is the use of the condom. First there’s the “I don’t like the loss-of-sensation when covering my d**k with rubber” excuse. There’s also the “screech-to-a-halt” factor when, in the heat of things, one kinda pauses while putting on a condom.

Regarding the first hurdle, the only solution is for one to get used to wearing a condom. My suggestion is to use ultra-thin condoms, which allow for maximum sensation.

As for the second hurdle, the trick is to be able to put on the condom in a quick, easy and non-disruptive-of-the-moment movement. To do that, one must already be familiar with how to put a condom on. Practice. I remember one afternoon when I was in high school, I stumbled upon my dad’s stash in their bedroom dresser. I got one and played with it. I jacked off with a condom on; afterwards I thought, oh, so that’s how it worked!

Another cause of delay is determining which way the condom unfurls. To avoid that, I suggest you already take out the condom from its container at the start of foreplay. Make sure that when you place it beside you, you know which direction it unfurls.

Incorporating the condom into the foreplay. You can ask your partner to slip it on for you while stimulating you further.

I’m sure there are other useful tips. Can you guys suggest other ways?

Monday, June 06, 2011

Stroke Of Fate

My cellphone rang as I was driving around the streets of Makati. It was my mom. She rarely texts, much less call. I parked at the curb and answered my phone.

Si Auntie, na-stroke,” she said.

* * * * *

She’s my mom’s older sister. She’s the only one among her brothers and sisters who retired single. Although she’s always stayed with us, she’s lived a very independent life. She grew hard-headed and strong-willed, made of sterner stuff. We thought she’d be a spinster for life, but one day she surprised us all by getting married to her childhood crush from Bohol. His first wife had died a couple of years ago; they met up when he flew back to the country for a vacation. He brought her back to Canada where he had migrated; the marriage lasted for only a year. She flew back here because she couldn’t stand the cold of the climate and of her husband’s eventual treatment of her. She came back to our house as if nothing had happened. She rarely spoke, and sparingly when she did.

Last month my mom and her went back to Bohol to celebrate the annual May fiesta. They only accompanied another relative, a cousin of theirs, who had a doctor’s appointment; upon her prodding, my mom and aunt also had themselves a check-up. That’s when the doctor noticed how slurred my aunt’s speech was. Apparently she had suffered more than one stroke.

She is now confined in a provincial hospital. It’s painful for her to swallow because of a cyst in her throat, but she refuses a biopsy. She wants to go home to Marikina because she already has no more money to pay for her hospital bills.

I listened closely to my mom, checking to hear in her voice and in between her words what is perhaps an unspoken request: “Can you help, anak?” But she talked about calling their eldest, my uncle who’s a retired priest in the U.S. She also has another brother working in Saudi Arabia, and another brother who has two children earning dollars in the U.S. I breathed a sigh of relief. As much as I want to, and will, help her financially, I’m also glad that she has many siblings she can count on.

But it also gave me pause. Years from now I may be in my aunt’s shoes. Even now I need to make arrangements to ensure that I am able to take care of myself if, knock on wood, in case something happens.

Thank god I have many siblings I can turn to.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Questions For McVie

Question: You’re a player, but you got serious with someone for five years. Then you find out that your partner cheated on you, so you decide to break up with him. Do you go back to being a player?

Well, they say that a leopard doesn’t change its spots. Or was that a cheetah? Anyway, it seems that the person asking the question has this idea that “once a player, always a player,” which carries the same sentiment as that “once an waiter, always a waiter” line in Joey Gosengfiao’s camp classic Temptation Island. But can a player become a waiter, and vice versa? Can a leopard turn into a cheetah? Or are we all doomed to be players, waiters, leopards and cheetahs until we die?

Dude, you’ve proven that you can decide to not be a player; you were serious for five years. And you’ve proven that you can decide whether to stay with him or not; you chose to break it off with him.

So go ahead, decide if you wanna go back to being a player or not.


Question: Is anybody capable of never falling for anyone? Can one really control one’s feelings?

Controlling one’s feelings is a bit tricky. Feelings are feelings; some people may experience intense feelings, but others may be more sanguine in their outlook. But regardless of how much or how little you feel, feelings are neither right nor wrong; they just are. Forcing oneself to suppress feelings, especially intense ones, have been known to be psychologically unhealthy.

I personally find comfort in the wise lyrics of a particular song: “Feelings, nothing more than feelings; trying to forget my feelings of love.”

For your emotional health, I suggest you allow yourself to feel. As I’ve said, feelings are just feelings. But what’s more important is: Control your actions.

So you get angry at the driver of the car that suddenly cut in front of you. But do you floor the accelerator and smash your car against his bumper? No, because you took control of your actions, and smashing cars is not an act of a responsible, mature driver who’s on EDSA. Because you’re in control of your actions, you yell in anger inside the privacy of your airconditioned car, because you need to let off some steam. You mentally flip him the bird; you imaging overtaking then cutting him off as revenge. But do you do any of that? No. Because you are in control of your actions, and you choose to act responsibly.

Can you control falling for someone? Maybe you can’t stop yourself from being attracted to someone, but you can definitely choose to stay or, if necessary, move away from him. In which case, I have another appropriate song for you: “O tukso, layuan mo akoooo!