Four Six

Last Monday I turned 46 years old.

For me, my angst on aging first surfaced when I was 28 years old. Turning 30 was a scary thought, and youth was something I had to hold on to for dear life because the big 3-0 was just two years away.

But then a funny thing happened. When I hit 29, the inevitability of 30 was so palpable I had no choice but to confront it head-on. And when I finally learned to accept the inevitable, the fear and anxiety and shame of aging quietly slipped off my shoulders.

But how did I find it in me to accept the reality of age? I guess it was when I saw how the 30s was a fantastic decade to be in—not too young to be scoffed at, but not too old to be deemed a killjoy. It was the best of both worlds. And along with that, I found a new appreciation for the gifts that age can bring: experience and wisdom. I couldn’t wait what the 40s could bring.

Little did I realize that the best of times also means the worst of times wasn’t far behind. The most dramatic changes when hitting the big 4-0 happen with your body. It again reminds you, in no uncertain terms, that you are not invincible. Your eyesight starts to deteriorate, and you’re not as limber. Recovery from injuries takes longer. The changes are most obvious when it comes to sex. Whereas before it only takes a few minutes for your body to rev up for round two (or three or four), now it takes longer (and round three begins to look iffy; forget round four entirely). Sometimes you find a night in bed with a hot stranger a more tedious prospect versus a night in bed with the cast of “The Good Wife” and “The Big Bang Theory.”

I had to remind myself that it’s all quid pro quo. You win some; you lose some. But what you gain in experience more than makes up for the sagging of the skin and the stubbornness of the flabs. It’s just physical beauty, you say to yourself. That, and your discovery that there are boys—from twinks to chubs to athletic types—who like daddies will make you realize that a change in marketing strategy solves the problem.

So here’s to 46. They say 50 is the new 40. If so, then the next decade looks pretty exciting still. (I better stock up on Viagara.)

Why I Have A Problem With Kony, The Campaign

Warning: The following video is 30 minutes long. If you don’t have the bandwidth or the time to watch it, then proceed to read the rest.

So I’ll assume you couldn’t watch the video in full, so let me summarize: Joseph Kony is from Uganda, he kidnaps children and forces them to become part of his army, he turns the boys into killers and the girls into sex slaves. American filmmaker Jason Russell heard about Kony’s atrocities from an Ugandan boy first-hand, and started an Invisible Children movement that culminated in making the Obama gov’t send military advisers to Uganda to help the military capture Kony. But because there’s a threat to pull out the advisers because people forget, the Invisible Children peeps are now trying to make Kony “famous” by April 2012 so that the US gov’t will continue to assist the Uganda military to capture Kony. Their call to action: [1] On April 20, 2012 they’ll be posting and hanging Kony 2012 campaign materials in every street corner of the US; [2] Buy a Kony Action Kit (which has stickers, pins, and bracelets to help spread the word); [3] Donate money to the cause. [4] Share the 30-minute video. 

The video starts with the words, “Nothing is more powerful than an idea whose time has come,” then the last two words are replaced by, “is now.”

It’s interesting that Invisible Children’s idea is to use the power of the masses in order to effect change, specifically, keep the American military advisers in Uganda in order to help the Ugandan army bring Joseph Kony to justice and release the kidnapped children. Because their cause is on YouTube and Facebook, their call is addressed to everyone who’s connected to the two sites. That’s a lot of people worldwide.

However, while I was watching the video and finding out about Kony for the first time, my initial reaction was to ask several questions.

• Is what they say about Kony in the video all true? 
• Agreed, Kony seems to be one hell of a human rights violator, given that he is the most wanted criminal by the International Criminal Court. But isn’t Kony an internal problem, best left for the Uganda people and government to solve?
• Why should the US government step in, given that the Uganda government isn’t even asking the US for help?
• Who died and made these ordinary American citizens judge and jury? And who are they to push their government to meddle in the affairs of another country?

Sure, the bleeding hearts of this world can and should be allowed to publicly condemn Kony for the atrocities he has done. But to actually force their own government to meddle in the affairs of another country? Nothing is more awful than a power tripper who thinks he’s right.

I don’t care how noble your cause is. Dear Americans, your USA for Africa was wrong; you are not the world. Know your boundaries, and respect the boundary of others. In your eyes Kony’s a “bad guy,” and the way you portray him in your video is similar to the way Hollywood portrays villains. But reality is rarely that black-and-white. Capturing Kony may actually be the easy part. How do you deal with the kidnapped children, those children who’ve been trained to wield guns and kill arbitrarily? How will you address the very problems of Uganda that allowed a Kony to thrive?

One of these days you’ll encounter a leader who murders the children of his political opponents ruthlessly yet supplies the US with all the oil your country needs. Let’s see you encapsulate that problem in a 30-minute video.

The 2012 New Year Fabcast, Parts 3 & 4

We sincerely apologize for the uber-delay. While parts 3 and 4 have not yet been uploaded to iTunes, I am posting them here.



After answering the questions thrown our way, the Fabcasters and the peanut gallery wrap up the recording session by tackling one last question from Migs: “What was the one thing that affect you the most in 2011?”

We asked the peanut gallery to go first. So listen in as Madame, Jojo, Dan and London Boy give their personal reflections on the year that just passed.

*Note: I used as background music this intriguing piece of music which I stumbled upon on Soundcloud. Someone named birdfeeder took John Williams’ theme from the movie “Jurassic Park” and slowed it down 1000%, such that the original music was transformed into a mesmerizing ambient rumbling.

Music credits:
“Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac
Theme from “Jurassic Park” by John Williams (slowed down 1000% by birdfeeder)




And now it’s the Fabcasters’ turn, talking about our insights and learning from 2011. 2011 was a significant year for us as individuals and as a group, and here we share them with you.

Music credits:
“For Good” from the musical Wicked, performed by Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel
“Water From A Vine Leaf (Underwater Mix Part One)” by William Orbit
“Thank You For Being A Friend” by Andrew Gold

Lived To Tell

Time and again I hear of guys who fall for another guy but keep their feelings to themselves. Then they bemoan the fact that their object of affection doesn’t see them the way they do. But they justify loving from afar even if they get hurt, because they say to love is to risk.

Well! I say to love is to risk, so tell him how you feel. The sooner you do that the better, while you still haven’t emotionally invested a lot on him. Keeping your feelings to yourself isn’t love; it’s selfishness and stupidity.

If he doesn’t share the same feelings, move on. If he doesn’t reciprocate, move on. Martyrdom for unrequited love was burned at the stake a long time ago.

I. Am. Sorry. Sorry.

The video spoof is sheer genius, I must say. I first saw it months ago, thanks to my younger brother who alerted me to a similar spoof: Get a K-Pop music video, put Filipino “sounds like” translations as subtitles, post on YouTube, and let it rip. Today I don’t remember the spoof video my brother recommended to me. But I remember the spoof of Super Junior’s “Sorry Sorry,” and if you watch it, you may understand why.

Is it the silliness of the “Tense? Pants? Hands? Mens?” opening salvo? Is it the creative use of the late North Korean leader Kim Jong-il and other jokey video inserts? Or the straightforwardness of the question, “Di ka ba sanay sa ten inches?” Is it the sight of an overweight child shoveling food in his mouth as the fake translation reads, “Di na bale malusog baby”? Is it the silliness of Larry Bird’s cameo? Whatever it is, the sheer wit of the translation is exhilarating. To be able to choose the right sound-alike Filipino words that, when strung together, are hilarious and yet make some sort of silly sense—now that’s sheer genius. And while all that’s happening, the androgynous looks of the boy band plus their effete choreography adds a layer of WTF?! irony to the whole thing.

And they even throw in a “Kill mo Melai” for good measure.

Whatever. I think this should have been nominated Video of the Year for 2011.

Tantantantarantantaran done!

Cause And Effect

When one is older, the changes are subtler. They also take a little more time to take effect, since there are years of habit to break. But just because one doesn’t see or feel the changes doesn’t mean they’re not happening. Oh yes, they’re there underneath layers of skin toughened by time and cynicism.

Because you do make a mark, and it is more than skin-deep; rather, it is heartfelt.

Testing, Testing, One, Two, Three, Four

It’s already my fourth time, but still nothing changes.

Yesterday I attended “Sexy Time,” a project of The LoveYourself Café (TLY) and Research Institute for tropical Medicine (RITM). It was billed as a “saferotic sex summit” with free HIV testing for those who wanted to avail of it. 48 MSMs participated in an HIV 101 peer seminar as well as discussion on sex that Migs described as “in a positive and non-judgmental way, and within a non-sexually charged setting,” which just means talking about sex without getting an erection. I joined it primarily because it’s been more than 6 months since my last HIV test, and because I wanted a chance to ask more about HIV.

All throughout the seminar and discussions, through the blood extraction, the free dinner and the waiting for the results, I was my usual ordinary self. Well, usual but with a slight headache, thanks to my clogged sinus.

But when I was called into the room for the results and the one-on-one post-test counseling, it was the same as with the three earlier tests. The fear comes back, the anxiety, and the uncertainty. Even if you’ve played safe all this time, even if you know that oral sex is fairly safe, you still go, “What if I draw the unlucky card this time?” That fear never leaves you entirely alone.

My counselor handed over the stapled envelope that contained the results. “You can tear it open,” my counselor said. But I neatly pried the staple off and open the envelope.

Hepatitis – negative
Syphilis – negative
HIV-1 & HIV-2 – negative

Thank you, Lord.

And thank you, TLY and RITM for “Sexy Time” and all these opportunities for the testing and for continuing to make safe places for people like us.