Is it really Hot Shots? Or is it actually Hots Hots?
Monday, August 30, 2010
I’m Mister Lonely
In one Fabcast we recorded two months ago (pramis, that one will be released very, very soon), all of us Fabcasters were single at that time, and so the topic was on singlehood. There was this one particular exchange that caught my attention while I was editing the Fabcast.
Someone asked what one could do to prevent being lonely when one is single. My answer was to learn to be friends with one’s self and to keep myself busy.
Migs decided to challenge that answer to deepen the discussion. He asked, “But isn’t that just a distraction? In the end you’re still sorry old farts.”
My reply was, if I didn’t consider myself a sorry old fart for being able to be friends with myself, then it’s not a problem for me.
Corporate Closet’s answer to the question was different. He said that being single doesn’t prevent someone from going and still loving. He cited the example of volunteerism, especially in Church. Migs particularly liked how CC framed the answer, that it’s to “find something meaningful to you and that’s how you share yourself to others.”
Then Tony threw the question back at them: “But what do you think about people saying that’s just a diversion?”
CC’s answer was similar to my defense. If he’s happy volunteering and doing what’s meaningful to him, then he doesn’t have a problem with it.
* * * * *
While editing that particular Fabcast, I found myself thinking back again and again to that particular exchange. And I realized we were approaching the problem from two different directions.
As most of us know, loneliness is different from being alone. Loneliness is defined as “dejected by the awareness of being alone” (www.thefreedictionary.com) or “a feeling of depression resulting from being alone” (www.answers.com). Of course, “alone” here is not limited to being physically solitary; one can also be “alone in a crowded room.”
So to address loneliness, the logical solution is to find a way to convert “being alone” (which is an isolation from others) to “being with others,” or better yet, “being with the Other” (wherein “Other” with a capital “O” is either someone significant or some Higher Being). Makes sense, right?
But is that the only way?
My approach comes from another angle. One cannot totally control the state of being alone (for example, one may be stranded on a deserted island alone, and not of your own volition). But one has control over one’s feelings. So why not address that which is totally within our capability to control? Instead of being depressed or dejected when one is alone, work instead to turn that around and instead discover the joys of being alone.
Better yet, find the solution within oneself and not depend on others. You see, one has no control over others, but one has control over oneself. Of course, we’re human, and we’re entitled to our feelings, including occasional bouts of loneliness. But if one masters oneself, then one can avoid being paralyzed by loneliness even if one is alone.
Listening once again to our discussion, I realized that indeed, volunteerism is even more of the distraction, nay, a diversion, because there one just substituted the (significant) “Other” with “otherS.” You can’t love one person? Then love many.
My problem with that is, well, I did precisely that. I poured my attention to others, to my family and friends. And now I am close to my family, and I have great friends. But it still didn’t change the fact that I was single. And that feeling gnawing inside of me remained because that distraction did not address what was basically an internal issue.
So I asked myself: What’s wrong with learning to love oneself first? What’s wrong with learning to live with oneself first? After all, even if our significant other is holding our hand tightly while we lay in our deathbed, the moment Death comes, you face him alone. Our longest relationship is with ourselves; the more meaningful we make it, the more fruitful our longest relationship will be.
And the greatest irony of it all? By being at peace with oneself, one is able to give more to others, because that is genuine altruism and not just a smokescreen to distract from the loneliness.
In someone else’s blog entry on love stories, the author wrote: For those looking for someone who’ll make them smile. I commented: I believe we must all learn how to make ourselves smile. Then it becomes easier for us to make others smile.
Learn to be lonely,
Learn how to live Life that is lived alone.
Learn to be lonely,
Life can be lived, Life can be loved alone.
Someone asked what one could do to prevent being lonely when one is single. My answer was to learn to be friends with one’s self and to keep myself busy.
Migs decided to challenge that answer to deepen the discussion. He asked, “But isn’t that just a distraction? In the end you’re still sorry old farts.”
My reply was, if I didn’t consider myself a sorry old fart for being able to be friends with myself, then it’s not a problem for me.
Corporate Closet’s answer to the question was different. He said that being single doesn’t prevent someone from going and still loving. He cited the example of volunteerism, especially in Church. Migs particularly liked how CC framed the answer, that it’s to “find something meaningful to you and that’s how you share yourself to others.”
Then Tony threw the question back at them: “But what do you think about people saying that’s just a diversion?”
CC’s answer was similar to my defense. If he’s happy volunteering and doing what’s meaningful to him, then he doesn’t have a problem with it.
* * * * *
While editing that particular Fabcast, I found myself thinking back again and again to that particular exchange. And I realized we were approaching the problem from two different directions.
As most of us know, loneliness is different from being alone. Loneliness is defined as “dejected by the awareness of being alone” (www.thefreedictionary.com) or “a feeling of depression resulting from being alone” (www.answers.com). Of course, “alone” here is not limited to being physically solitary; one can also be “alone in a crowded room.”
So to address loneliness, the logical solution is to find a way to convert “being alone” (which is an isolation from others) to “being with others,” or better yet, “being with the Other” (wherein “Other” with a capital “O” is either someone significant or some Higher Being). Makes sense, right?
But is that the only way?
My approach comes from another angle. One cannot totally control the state of being alone (for example, one may be stranded on a deserted island alone, and not of your own volition). But one has control over one’s feelings. So why not address that which is totally within our capability to control? Instead of being depressed or dejected when one is alone, work instead to turn that around and instead discover the joys of being alone.
Better yet, find the solution within oneself and not depend on others. You see, one has no control over others, but one has control over oneself. Of course, we’re human, and we’re entitled to our feelings, including occasional bouts of loneliness. But if one masters oneself, then one can avoid being paralyzed by loneliness even if one is alone.
Listening once again to our discussion, I realized that indeed, volunteerism is even more of the distraction, nay, a diversion, because there one just substituted the (significant) “Other” with “otherS.” You can’t love one person? Then love many.
My problem with that is, well, I did precisely that. I poured my attention to others, to my family and friends. And now I am close to my family, and I have great friends. But it still didn’t change the fact that I was single. And that feeling gnawing inside of me remained because that distraction did not address what was basically an internal issue.
So I asked myself: What’s wrong with learning to love oneself first? What’s wrong with learning to live with oneself first? After all, even if our significant other is holding our hand tightly while we lay in our deathbed, the moment Death comes, you face him alone. Our longest relationship is with ourselves; the more meaningful we make it, the more fruitful our longest relationship will be.
And the greatest irony of it all? By being at peace with oneself, one is able to give more to others, because that is genuine altruism and not just a smokescreen to distract from the loneliness.
In someone else’s blog entry on love stories, the author wrote: For those looking for someone who’ll make them smile. I commented: I believe we must all learn how to make ourselves smile. Then it becomes easier for us to make others smile.
Learn to be lonely,
Learn how to live Life that is lived alone.
Learn to be lonely,
Life can be lived, Life can be loved alone.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Meanwhile Life Goes On
Julie Taymor’s last movie Across The Universe did not move me in any way, despite me being a die-hard Beatles fan. But put together Shakespeare and Helen Mirren, plus this kick-ass poster, and I’m so there. (Unless the previews unanimous say, “Sucks.”)
(Still, the poster is to die for.)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Bang Bang In A Major Major Way
When I got to the gym last night, the wide screen TVs were all on the hostage coverage. The SWAT team was all lined up at the side of the bus; someone was trying to pry open the door with a sledgehammer.
I stepped onto the machine to do my 20+ minutes of cardio.
I was almost done with my workout and they still were trying to enter the bus, this time from the back door. A lot of the trainers and some of the clients were watching the spectacle unfold. I noticed two Filipino guys who positioned themselves near one of the monitors; they were joking and laughing at the attempts of our police to subdue one hostage-taker.
“Either we Filipinos have a knack of trying to make light any situation,” I said to myself, “or they’re two of the most insensitive jerks who never realized that there are Chinese nationals who are also clients in this gym.”
We really do have this, “Well, what else can we do but laugh at ourselves?” mentality, especially in the face of enormous trial. We did it with Ondoy. And even in the face of outrage, we just had to joke about the Maguindanao massacre.
So when the next morning came and with it, the spectacle of the grandest beaucon of all, Miss Universe, many were understandably excited as evidenced by the numerous tweets and FB status updates. It’s as if people were grasping at some good news, having our national image dragged to hell the night before. Someone even joked to me, “The hostage taking was sooo last season! Charos.” It’s as if, please Lord, let the Miss Universe wash away the blood and embarrassment of the night before.
But even if Venus Raj was crowed Miss Universe, our triumph will be but short-lived. Sure, our networks can try and milk the good news beyond its 15 minutes. But being crowned doesn’t even come close to the senseless deaths of 8 people, and the embarrassing aftermath.
Yes, it’s unfair to link the two. But reading all those tweets this morning, I can’t help but notice a palpable, nay, willful choice to forget the hostage debacle and replace it with a major, major world event. And I can’t blame them. As much as we like to run to our teleseryes to run away from reality, we needed the distraction from Las Vegas, even of only for a few hours.
But unfortunately Venus Raj stumbled in her Q&A portion. Now as Hong Kong and China are raising questions and issues about how we handled the hostage crisis and the safety of the Philippines as a tourist destination, we seem to be stumbling as well in our Q&A portion.
I stepped onto the machine to do my 20+ minutes of cardio.
I was almost done with my workout and they still were trying to enter the bus, this time from the back door. A lot of the trainers and some of the clients were watching the spectacle unfold. I noticed two Filipino guys who positioned themselves near one of the monitors; they were joking and laughing at the attempts of our police to subdue one hostage-taker.
“Either we Filipinos have a knack of trying to make light any situation,” I said to myself, “or they’re two of the most insensitive jerks who never realized that there are Chinese nationals who are also clients in this gym.”
We really do have this, “Well, what else can we do but laugh at ourselves?” mentality, especially in the face of enormous trial. We did it with Ondoy. And even in the face of outrage, we just had to joke about the Maguindanao massacre.
So when the next morning came and with it, the spectacle of the grandest beaucon of all, Miss Universe, many were understandably excited as evidenced by the numerous tweets and FB status updates. It’s as if people were grasping at some good news, having our national image dragged to hell the night before. Someone even joked to me, “The hostage taking was sooo last season! Charos.” It’s as if, please Lord, let the Miss Universe wash away the blood and embarrassment of the night before.
But even if Venus Raj was crowed Miss Universe, our triumph will be but short-lived. Sure, our networks can try and milk the good news beyond its 15 minutes. But being crowned doesn’t even come close to the senseless deaths of 8 people, and the embarrassing aftermath.
Yes, it’s unfair to link the two. But reading all those tweets this morning, I can’t help but notice a palpable, nay, willful choice to forget the hostage debacle and replace it with a major, major world event. And I can’t blame them. As much as we like to run to our teleseryes to run away from reality, we needed the distraction from Las Vegas, even of only for a few hours.
But unfortunately Venus Raj stumbled in her Q&A portion. Now as Hong Kong and China are raising questions and issues about how we handled the hostage crisis and the safety of the Philippines as a tourist destination, we seem to be stumbling as well in our Q&A portion.
Monday, August 23, 2010
The Arts
I graduated Bachelor of the Arts in 1988, which was fitting since I was single for so long. Maybe it’s because I first had to learn two arts never taught in college: the art of letting go and the art of letting be.
After my umpteenth unrequited love disintegrated, I became particularly relationship-shy and kept most everyone at a distance. Better be safe than hurt, was what I assured myself.
It took me a long time to figure out that letting go didn’t mean keeping people at a distance. The fear of intimacy is different from detachment. The former prevents one from forming deep connections with others. The latter is possible even with soul mates; they do share a bond, but they are capable of setting each other free from one another.
Getting hurt is an integral part of life. Part of living means allowing hurt to happen; more importantly, it means finding out a healthy way to cope and eventually get over the hurt. A spectacular ode to unrequited love from the musical Phantom of the Opera helped kick some sense into me:
“Wishing you were somehow here again,
After my umpteenth unrequited love disintegrated, I became particularly relationship-shy and kept most everyone at a distance. Better be safe than hurt, was what I assured myself.
It took me a long time to figure out that letting go didn’t mean keeping people at a distance. The fear of intimacy is different from detachment. The former prevents one from forming deep connections with others. The latter is possible even with soul mates; they do share a bond, but they are capable of setting each other free from one another.
Getting hurt is an integral part of life. Part of living means allowing hurt to happen; more importantly, it means finding out a healthy way to cope and eventually get over the hurt. A spectacular ode to unrequited love from the musical Phantom of the Opera helped kick some sense into me:
“Wishing you were somehow here again,
Knowing we must say goodbye.
Try to forgive,
Teach me to live,
Give me the strength to try!
No more memories
No more silent tears
No more gazing across the wasted years…
Help me say goodbye.”
But the ultimate kicker was from her Madgesty Herself, Madonna. When “The Power Of Goodbye” came out, I knew I found the song that would help teach me the valuable lesson of walking away:
“Your heart is not open, so I must go.
The spell has been broken... I loved you so.
You were my lesson I had to learn,
I was your fortress.
There’s nothing left to lose,
There’s no more heart to bruise.
There’s no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Learn to say goodbye,
I yearn to say goodbye.”
Letting things be is a lesson that came late to me. And it’s a lesson I am still learning to this day. I used to be distrustful when it came to matters of the heart—my heart specifically. But when I hit 43 years old, I got tired of fearing failure. So I thought it was only a matter of waiting for the guy whom I will click and bond almost effortlessly. Then I realized that waiting was for the passive and the patient. Life continues no matter what. So I decided to just be active, take hold of my life and make the most what was in front of me.
“Your heart is not open, so I must go.
The spell has been broken... I loved you so.
You were my lesson I had to learn,
I was your fortress.
There’s nothing left to lose,
There’s no more heart to bruise.
There’s no greater power than the power of goodbye.
Learn to say goodbye,
I yearn to say goodbye.”
Letting things be is a lesson that came late to me. And it’s a lesson I am still learning to this day. I used to be distrustful when it came to matters of the heart—my heart specifically. But when I hit 43 years old, I got tired of fearing failure. So I thought it was only a matter of waiting for the guy whom I will click and bond almost effortlessly. Then I realized that waiting was for the passive and the patient. Life continues no matter what. So I decided to just be active, take hold of my life and make the most what was in front of me.
A little over two months ago this particular song by Paramore caught my attention one morning while I was listening to the car radio. It’s rare that I liked such a song instantly; usually the songs I immediately get hooked on first hearing are dance tracks. So that really struck me as out-of-the-ordinary. And the lyrics particularly spoke to me:
“Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul,
That love never lasts.
And we’ve got to find other ways
To make it alone,
Keep a straight face.
And I’ve always lived like this,
Keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I’m
Content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
Well, you are the only exception.
You, are, the only exception.”
Then I attended an MGG party at The Room one fateful Saturday evening. And the song became more relevant than ever.
Then I attended an MGG party at The Room one fateful Saturday evening. And the song became more relevant than ever.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Chew On This
That’s when we realized that there were so many gay guys in Recipes. And soon enough, two gays and a fag hag occupied the table next to us. After them, four fellow bekis entered and occupied the table behind me. So I turned around and surveyed the whole restaurant. I counted at least 15 pink diners (Shards and I included).
Is it the waiters? None of them looked exceptionally drool worthy, so scratch that. Is it the food? The servings are for sharing, so it makes sense to eat at Recipes with someone; but that doesn‘t make a place gay. Is it because of all the restos in GB, Recipes gives the most bang-per-buck?
Well, whatever it is, consider Recipes in Greenbelt a pink magnet. Next time you go there, switch your gaydar off for it’ll just go off like crazy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)