Lipa, McVie, Lipa!

So after more than a month of weekend overtime work, pitches one after the other, deadlines tripping over each other in a mad rush to beat the end-of-the-year cut-off, I had a weekend that left me more or less free (though we had a major presentation the Monday after). I needed to get away from the toxic life. I needed to flee; a weekend escape was in order. Good thing that was also the weekend my friend K scheduled her birthday blow-out to seven of her friends (including yours truly)—an overnight stay in The Farm at San Benito in Lipa, Batangas. So off we flew to the land of Gov. Ate Vi.

The Farm bills itself as the “Hippocrates Health Resort of Asia” and while no one among us had any idea what that meant, it didn’t stop us from replacing “Hippocrates” with “hypocrites” and had a field day mocking it:
“You know why it’s a Hypocrites’ Health Spa?”
“Why?”
“Cuz we’ll pretend for a day that we’re not smokers and we like to eat grass and root crops and things that don’t have eyes.”

We actually ended up smoking on the sly, so that makes us truly hypocrites when we were there.

To be fair, the place is fantastic. The facilities, the landscape and the amenities are as award-winning as their prices are wallet-breaking (check out their awards and other info at their website). Go find yourself a rich sponsor or a sugar daddy if you want to enjoy the place. Or go and befriend Migs.

Pictures to follow in a future episode. But let me gush about this pool they have over there. It’s a hidden pool bordered by a wall of rocks where a gentle waterfall flows down into the pool. The water is heated, though, so you know that the whole set-up is man-made. It’s such a relaxing hideaway—and a perfect place to make hada, had a chance presented itself. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) there was no one amongst the guest or the staff who caught my eye.

So how was our stay at The Farm? I loved the fact that I had an honest-to-goodness break. It was a weekend get-away that was very relaxing and detoxifying and laughter-filled. (Good lord! In a future episode, I will let you guys hear exactly how laughter-filled it was.)

My only quibble is the food. Okay, so they never hid the fact that the place only offers an all-organic, vegan-friendly menu. And to be fair, the food we ordered taste delicious—in small doses. After a certain point I felt like mooing or bleating. For dinner I ordered spaghetti with onions and garlic (ah, my favorite!). When my order came I received a bowl full of noodles and garlic and… green peas? Where was that on the menu? Breakfast fare fared better; fruits and grain were in abundance, and they had “scrambled eggs” made from tofu that didn’t look or taste at all like scrambled eggs but were delicious anyway. And I felt the effects of stuffing myself with all those leaves, grain and nuts the following morning when I sat down at the toilet bowl to do number two. Whoosh, aaaah! Clean from within! Now that’s detox.

Still, the moment we left The Farm on Sunday after lunch I only had one thing on my mind: calorie-laden, artery-clogging meat. That night I stuffed myself silly with three slabs of steak. Aaaah, toxic once again! Haylaveth.

In the end, as much as The Farm is a spiritual Shangri-la, I realize I belong more to a funny farm instead.