Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Faking It

Have you ever faked a climax? I have. He was a balikbayan, in the country for several days only. He was staying with a friend in Marikina (they met online). He contacted me thru Downelink. He’s bulkier and beefier than me. We went to a motel along Marcos Highway. He gave me a pill; he said it was herbal and from Ongpin. I surprised him by being very aggressive; he surprised me by growling into my ear, “Make me your bitch, dude!” What came after was one of the longest sessions for me. We stripped to our underwear and engaged in a fairly lengthy foreplay. By the time, ah, all bets were off, he was sitting on me, riding me like a cowboy while I pushed deeper into him. After we finished I took a shower as a prelude to going home. He enticed me to rest a bit; in bed he kept caressing me down there. Pretty soon I was up and about, and we went through an even longer second session. We tried different positions, from the religious to the canine. I flipped him over and under and back again several times. We moved from the middle to the edge of the bed, with me standing on the floor and him lying on his stomach. All this time he kept calling me, “Sir!” Then the aircon broke down and we were sweating like pigs. I remember seeing myself in the mirror while I was pumping him from behind and thinking, “Yuck, I’m sweaty and ugly and my stomach’s too big! I cannot be a porn star.” And all this time I was ramrod-stiff despite this self-critiquing distraction; that pill really works! We transferred to the shower and turned the water on. After about 30 minutes more, I decided to end the proceedings because it was getting late and I had to be up early for work the next day so I pretended to climax with a lot of “Uuuhhhs!” and “Aaahhhs!” and “Fucks!” and “Yeahs!” and who says only girls can fake it? Just go through the right motions and utter the appropriate sounds and quickly throw the condom in the trash before he has a chance to examine it closely. Then pant a lot and smile.


Anonymous said...

You are efil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me the name of the pill!

- hotel_boy

joelmcvie said...

HOTEL_BOY: I'm not efil! I'm an actor! (On second thought, you're right!)

Anonymous said...

anng hooott ng story hahahaha I need that pill now na

joelmcvie said...

For those who are interested: according to balikbayan, the name is cuttle pill (methinks it's a generic, not brand, name). You go daw to Ongpin and ask the pharmacist at any Chinese drug store there. Madalas daw kasi nauubusan ng stock. Plus it's not yet approved pa raw, so I'm guessing they prefer not to sell it out in the open. Php/25 per small bottle, but since I didn't see just how small the bottle was, I'm guessing 15-20 pills in one bottle.