Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Cut To The Chase

This happened years ago; exactly when I won’t reveal, only that I was driving a different car then.

I picked him up at a movie house. He convinced me we could do it in my car. It was past ten in the evening; there were very few cars left in the open parking lot behind the mall. I parked there and we went at each other. Luckily some sixth sense warned me to look up from his crotch area and peer into the side mirror. There was a vehicle quietly coming up from the rear; the lights on the roof were unmistakable. Shit, a police car! He had his pants down and my fly was open. I told him to pull his pants up as I hurriedly zipped up.

The police car came to a stop and the cop on the passenger side got out and started walking towards my side of the car. I placed my hand on the key, which was in the ignition. I kept looking at the cop through my side mirror coming closer and closer as I prayed that my engine would start with one click. When he stopped at my door and knocked on the window I turned the key, heard the engine purr immediately to life, and then I floored the pedal.

The cop took a few seconds to register what had happened then ran back to his companion, who waited for him to climb into the car before giving us chase. I heard the wang-wang switch on as I turned into the street and headed for the main intersection. Thank god traffic was light. As I approached the intersection with the police hot on my trail, the traffic light turned yellow. I looked at the cars to my left and right as they started to move then I flew across the intersection. Several of them braked in surprise; others obliviously continued on. I dodged a couple of them and crossed the intersection intact; the police car was left at the intersection, blocked by a couple of cars.

My passenger was yelling, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” the whole time. Several seconds after we crossed the intersection and there was no police car behind us, he stopped muttering under his breath.

I dropped him off at a corner near his house; we didn’t even bother to finish what was interrupted. Driving back home, I promised myself: Never in the car, ever.

And no more car chases.


Quentin X said...

You missed out on a possible threesome with the cop.

Anonymous said...


A FREE open parking behind a mall.... what could that be? =)

Never in a car. I agree.


Nelson said...

Matakot ka pag batuta na ginamit!


My first experience was also in a parked car. But fortunately we weren't caught. The guy I was with had a stiff neck after though.

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

Scandalosa! LOLz! You know if I was the guy I would have been even more turned on. There's something about getting caught AND a speed chase! Too bad he couldn't handle it!

antonsg said...

trulala! never in the car. the last one and the only car incident i did, i lost my cellphone to the mamang pulis. buti na lang wala akong dalang atm card. yong kasama ko lost 20k kasi pinagwithdraw sha na nearest atm. lech talaga.

Thomas said...

Wow!!!1 that's scary pero why drive off mcvie? the police didn't catch you in the act anyway. of course you will have to explain why you're parked there which I am sure you could give a million believable reasons. it is more dangerous to speed off, eh kung binaril kayo or you crashed with another motorist or pedestrian? I guess you panicked.

joelmcvie said...

@THOMAS: It wasn't panic, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I timed the starting of my engine just as he was at my door, so that it would take him longer to run back to the squad car before they could give chase.

Why did I drive off? [1] Even if I give any believable explanation, they can still "harass" us with a million reasons (from "no loitering" to "no parking after closing hours"). [2] Or they can skip the reason and just insist on hauling us back to the precinct unless we grease their palms with money. [3] And the MOST IMPORTANT reason of all? My companion's pants and shirt were STILL obviously unbuttoned. Not exactly "caught in the act", but circumstantial evidence is against us. Thus I decided to make a run for it na lang.

Kai Santorino said...


i once was caught when we were ABOUT TO DO IT inside a fire escape tunnel.

unfortunately for me, we were even brought to the police station! so mortifying but i was able to get out of it. I looked very young and when I was asked to show an ID, i was 'wise' enough to give them my school ID, so i guess they showed compassion and asked to me leave.

and oh, we eventually did it. inside a Mcdo rest room :)

more on this story here:

the nomad said...

adrenaline-pumping post! (no pun), like I was at the back of the car itself.

cant_u_read said...

ok lang sa kotse basta umaandar! hobby kaya namin dati ni R yun. umaga man, tanghali, o gabi. anumang lagay ng trapik.


(un nga lang, sya ang lamang. kasi nagmamaneho sya e. teka lang! unfair yun ah! punyeta buti na lang hiwalay na kami! hmph!)