Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Relativity

To come up with a theory that time and space are relative, Albert Einstein needed mathematics. But to prove it, I only needed to buy things in Bohol to get indubitable, empirical proof.

Time actually moves slower here in Bohol. Or rather, people here move slower—especially salespeople. I was buying a wall clock for our house because the old one conked out. At the cashier, three (!) salespeople were assisting a woman who used her credit card to pay for her purchase. Apparently the cashier rarely encountered such modes of payment, and needed assistance. The two were just as flummoxed as she was, and yet they proceeded to—all together now, all for one and one for all—try and figure things out. Meanwhile, not one of them bothered to check the queue that was growing behind the card-carrying lady (who blissfully accepted what was happening in an “all is calm, all is bright” attitude). I was fourth in line and growing exceedingly impatient. Then I saw salvation, in a counter far, far away—there was only one person in line. I immediately bolted out of the line and went straight to that counter which, by the time I arrived, was free. In Manila I would have spent less than a minute at the counter; here the cashier took her time and when she finished the whole transaction, five minutes had passed. Or maybe it was more than five; it certainly felt like it.

Space is also relative. Here everyone acts as if everyone is a relative; they get really, really close to you, especially when in line. The concept of “personal space” is as foreign to them as “immediate,” “instant” and “quick”. I was at National Book Store, lining up to pay for Christmas lights (again, the old ones fizzled out). The woman behind me looked like a harassed mother. She kept so close to me, she blurred the lines between “sticking” and “pushing”. At first I didn’t mind; the line was long and we were waiting for close to seven minutes already. But even after I paid and was just waiting for the other sales person to bag my purchases, she was still invading my personal space! She had her money out and was waiting for the cashier to take it; meanwhile, she also moved to my side of the counter so that she can immediately grab her purchases and leave. I looked down at her feet; she was wearing open-toe footwear. So I swiveled, stepped on her foot, and walked off. She cried out in surprise, but I didn’t bother to turn around.

Ho-ho-ho! Have yourself a merry little Christmas, folks.

12 comments:

migs, the manila gay guy said...

Ayyyyy! Mean gurl ka teh!

Leigh said...

You stepped. On. Her. Foot.
(Dies of laughter)

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha ha ...salbahe ka mr mcvie......ha ha ha ha ...i'll do the same thing...ha ha ha..peace...merry xmas...i like your site,,,,,my name is joel too...mga salbahe,,,,lol......

Anonymous said...

Bad

joelmcvie said...

@ANONYMOUS: Santa needs us bad people so that he doesn't go bankrupt giving out gifts.

Aris said...

Merry Christmas! God bless. :)

palma tayona said...

bad, bad, bad joel.... slap. slap. slap.

hmmm, i bet you're smiling while being slapped in the butt. hehehehe...


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Anonymous said...

Naughty naughty naughty!

Dexter's Faggotory said...

Bitch!

Hahaha Merry Christmas Mcvie

estan said...

my, that's too bad! :)

f. jordan said...

you're from bohol?

joelmcvie said...

@F. JORDAN: Both my parents are.