Love Spelled Backwards Is EVOL!

All you single ladies, now put your hands up!

…in the air, and wave them like you just don’t Kier.

Legaspi.

Okay, so let’s tackle this head-on, no beating around the bush. So you think the whole world is conspiring to make you feel bad for this weekend? You can’t escape it, huh? Yeah, I’ve seen them too: the restaurant staff cutting heart-shaped cartolinas; all those ads for the concerts of Peter Cetera (who called us Filipinos karaoke kings or something like that—eek!) and all those musicians wanting to make a buck from all those romantic suckers; and the sky-rocketing prices of flowers, chocolates and short-time rates in motels.

If you are in panic, panic not. If you are in despair, despair not. If you are in searching desperately for a date this Saturday, search not. Do not fall for all these commercial trappings of Valentine’s Day. Remember, its initials are VD, so that should give you pause.

Instead, think about it this way. It is a celebration of love, and so you should celebrate the love you already have, and believe me, there is love all around you.

You want a supreme example of unconditional love? Hug your mom and dad. (Oh, so you and your parents don’t get along? Well… nyeh-nye-nye-nye-nyehhh! May jowa ka nga, pero ako naman, may happy family life! Belat! Bawi-bawian lang yan.)

Do you love your friends, especially the single ones? Then show them your love on Saturday. Go out on a group date. Or better yet (since traffic will definitely be horrendous), stay in someone’s house and have an impromptu sleep-over/pajama party.

Remind the people you already love and who already love you why they’re important in your life.

Love yourself. Treat yourself to something special. Demolish a Baconator and not feel guilty after. Indulge at a spa. Go to Hilom—happiness is extra service. Watch the sunset along Manila Bay. Read a book you’ve always wanted to but never had the time. Jog around the park. Jack off, or make a sleazy video of you jacking off (send me the mpeg, hm’kay?).

Valentine’s isn’t for couples only. So all the single ladies, put your hands up in the air and PAR-TAY like you just don’t Kier!

And if all else fails, watch the following. If by the first minute you’re not giggling uncontrollably, you need a huge dose of slap-in-the-face.


My most favorite moment: “C’mon, phleez… shy-ow me… where’s da par-tay?! I wanna PAR-TAY! C’mon, shyow mey! Hu-where’s DA PAR-TAY?!”