Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Rubber Sold

The Church has always opposed condom use among straight people because it promotes artificial birth control. The Church has also opposed condom use among gay men because—no wait! The Church frowns on any and everything gay anyway, so what gays do with condoms shouldn’t really matter much to them. (I hope the Church realizes that two men having sex is an all-natural birth control. Oops, did I say natural? Oh yeah, the uber-pious see gay people as immoral and unnatural.)

In the light of the enmity between the Roman Catholic Church and the Department of Health, I propose the following.

Straight guys may not buy condoms because they will only use it for contraception. Only gay folks can buy condoms; that’s because gay men are immoral. So staff members of drugstores or 24-hour convenience stores must first ask anyone attempting to buy condoms: “Are you gay?” Those who answer yes must then prove to the one on the counter that he’s gay by passing any or all of the following tests:

[1] Name That Diva
[2] Suppress That Gag Reflex
[3] Show Your Bib From The (Insert Brand Name Here) Run/Marathon
[4] Carry That Pink Color
[5] Name That Designer Bag
[6] Show Off Your Pet Toy Dog(s)

8 comments:

daredevilry said...

i'll play that name that diva in two notes. :)

Dhon said...

hahahaha..

let us ask the church what are their plans if Philippines will be over populated? Poverty will be rampant..

since they stand firm on anti - contraceptive campaign. Let's hear their plans on these issue..

They scrutinize the government for not doing anything about it.. i don't see them helping the government.

john stanley said...

ay, makakabili na ko 'teh. i have a marathon bib. in different colors, bwahaha!

Robert Daniel said...

these tests are too elitist: let's add a) which tv shows do you watch and b) who's your fave tv personality. Hats off to McVie for harping on the injustice (?).

palma tayona said...

i can't help but wonder why (if it is true) joining those urban marathons is the new gay leisure activity. is that what naturally comes after all those spinning classes in the gym? (come to think of... what the hell is a 'spinning class'?? i know it's more than having a wheel where one spins thread.)

Guyrony said...

I love it!!! Nyahahaha!
Yes!

1) Mariah Carey

2) Bring it on! Inches or feet? :)

3) Men's Health Urban-athlon

4) I think pink is the new black

5) Balenciaga

6) Oh, I have 3 pussies at home, would that be OK?

And that is why I chose to keep silent about my faith...

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

this is supper funny! haha they could also have a tightest t-shirt contest! :D haha

~Carrie~ said...

I'd like to choose "Suppress the Gag reflex". And then the kahera would call, "Ilabas si manong Guard, yung pinakamatanda natin". Hehehe.