Rejection—It Can Go Both Ways

Let’s call my friend “Mac”. Recently I saw the following status on his Facebook: “Mac is pulling back.”

I immediately IM’ed him with, “Maybe you need to tell someone to push harder.” He replied with, “Nah, I was rejected.” Then he told me how this person considered Mac as more than just a friend; Mac was his “special friend.”

“Special friend?” I fired back. “What are you to him, retarded?”

* * * * *

Imagine falling for someone: not only is he good-looking, but more importantly you and he clicked! just like that. Best of all, he’s available. After weeks of getting to know each other, you conclude that you and he stand a chance. After all, from all indications he seems just as into you as you are into him.

So you pop the question: I’m interested, can I pursue this further with you? He turns you down. Not only is your conclusion wrong, but also adding insult to injury is his well-meaning statement: “Let’s just be friends.”

Let’s just be friends. It’s an olive branch handed out as a peace offering, usually uttered after a flat-out rejection. Sometimes the “let’s just be friends” offer is genuine; at times it’s actually just scrap thrown to a staving dog, to avoid having the dog come up and bite them instead. But assuming for a minute that the motive behind it is genuine, the line “Let’s just be friends” is one of the most insensitive statements you can ever utter to someone who’s fallen for you but whom you have to turn down. I can accept “Maybe we can be friends?” At least that gives both parties the leeway to disengage with dignity.

The truth is, friendship is not possible while one of you still harbors romantic feelings for the other. Friendship is a meeting of equals, usually with no hidden agenda, and a genuine sharing of interests. But when one is infatuated, there is always an agenda; and if the other one doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, there is an imbalance in the relationship. So it is impossible for friendship to blossom given that situation. Once the infatuation is eliminated can a friendship stand a chance to develop.

But exorcizing an infatuation is not the easiest thing in the world. That is the one thing that Rejectors should always bear in mind whenever they crush a Lovelorn’s crush towards them. If you genuinely want to be friends with someone who has a crush on you, leave them be.

Often the Rejected will grasp at straws and cling to that statement. “At least he’ll still be in my life” is the common justification for holding on to him. But what happens is this: He gets the full benefits—and more—of your friendship (“more” is often the case; you may be consciously or unconsciously trying to win him over, so you go beyond what you usually do for your friends); meanwhile, you get the raw end of the deal. He enjoys your friendship, but you don’t get to enjoy his because—face it!—you want more. Sadly you’re just a “special friend” to him; in so many ways, you are like a retard.

* * * * *

“Be good to yourself. Get out while you still can,” I IM’ed Mac.

“Yeah I know,” he replied.

“Okay, repeat after me: ‘If you cannot be my boyfriend, then I cannot be your friend.’”

“Hahaha!”

“He should just leave you be. And only you can determine if you’re ready to face him again, this time as equals.”

“If you cannot be my boyfriend, then I cannot be your friend! If you cannot be my boyfriend, then I cannot be your friend!”

“Hahaha! That should be your mantra for the next few weeks.”

Talk Tee-Vie

Yesterday afternoon I was a guest at ANC’s Shop Talk with Pia Hontiveros-Pagkalinawan as host. The topic was about reconnecting with schoolmates, and Pia had invited her high school batchmates (pictured above) and her college batchmates (that’s where I fall under) to be her guests.

This isn’t the first time I’ve gone before television cameras. Back in the 90s I represented my former ad agency in this game show hosted by the Rick Astley of the Philippines, Roderick Paulate, and Panjee Tapales Lopez (yes, go ahead and name the title of the show). For that particular episode the producers chose to pit ad agency folks against each other in several games. I was chosen to play in the “Name That Tune”-like portion. Despite my fairly extensive knowledge of pop songs, I lost because the tunes were played by a solo pianist; I was more familiar with the recorded version of the songs.

Too bad yesterday’s show aired live. Our cable provider does not carry ANC, so I didn’t bother the folks at home about my guesting. Besides, we were four in our group, so each of us had only about several seconds to say something worthy of a soundbite.

Afterwards I though, “Wouldn’t it be great if the Fabcasters graduate to doing a videocast?” But unfortunately Mr. De Mille, not all of us are ready for our close-ups.

Pia (rightmost, seated) and her guests after the show

Pia and her batch mates

The Cluelessness Of Straights (3rd of a series)

Dear ‘Pre,

I know that you do not think the way that I will be describing in a while, but since there are quite a number of straight guys who think this way, I’ll just ask you to pass on the message to them.

Many times I’ve experienced something like this: straight guy finds out he’ll have a gay roommate, and he’ll balk. His reason? Laughingly he’ll say, “He might sneak a peek at me, or worse, do something while I’m asleep.”

There are many unspoken assumptions in that simple sentence, but for me the one thing that really gets my goat is this: Straight Guy assumes that Gay Guy will find him attractive, simply because he’s straight.

Dude, I know that there are guys who think they’re God’s gift to women. And it seems there also those of you who think that they’re catnip to fags. Ugh. Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you’re immediately attractive to all gay men. Duh.

The thinking is really very male: if a straight guy gets a hot chick for a roommate, he’ll take any and every opportunity he has to sneak a peek at her. And that’s where the fear comes from: just replace genders and sexual preference, and voila! Straight guy is now in the role of ogled object of lascivious desire. Manyakis becomes the victim of kamanyakan.

‘Pre, not all straights are hot for us gay guys. Next time you exhibit such hubris, just think: there are gay men out there who see you as your equivalent of a 150-pound woman with bad skin and dental flaws.

Yours truly,

McVie

Sauna Soundbite (“Saunanaman?!”)

(a.k.a. If Only We Can Say Out Loud What We Think, Part 4)

Remember CB, a.k.a. Call Center Boy, a.k.a. the semikal-with-tattoos guy? The Mr. “This never happened” Dude in a couple of gym sauna encounters here and here? He provided me another memorable morning worthy of an episode in this Show.

When I entered the sauna, CB and another guy (because his haircut looked like a Mohawk, let’s call him that) were already in the middle of silent eye-to-eye negotiations. CB knew I was game for some hot sauna action, so he didn’t bother to hide his growing erection under his towel. Mohawk, on the other hand, seemed interested only in just fondling himself; he didn’t bother to come any closer to CB. Unfortunately Mohawk only had eyes for CB—methinks he was enamored with the tattoos and the close-cropped hair. Damn! Bad news for me, because Mohawk’s manhood had an impressive girth and length, easily dwarfing CB’s decent yet increasingly ho-hum proportions.

Apparently CB also realized he won’t be able to get Mohawk to go down on him, which is why he decided to let me in on their action. CB gestured with his hands for me to come closer to him. Then he parted his towel.

Okay, take two! I told myself.

Having Mohawk watching us seemed to turn CB on even further. He was moaning and fondling my hair, trying to push himself deeper in my mouth. I could sense (don’t ask me how, I just know!) that CB was looking at Mohawk while I was blowing him. Pretty soon I heard CB tell Mohawk, “Sit here if you want to join in.” Mohawk sat beside us.

Wheeee! It’s going to be a three-way morning again!

But Mohawk didn’t make any more moves towards CB or me. Instead at the corner of my eye I saw him whip out his impressive sequoia tree while I was busy trying to make CB’s shrub spew sap. And that’s when CB, with a naughty smile in his voice, uttered his quotable quote for the morning:

“My, my, my! This boy wants his suck cocked!”

Ang OA na, verbal dyslexic pa!

And despite CB’s less-than-notable “note”, I almost gagged.

Four Fabcasters And An Outing

The Fabcasters (from left to right): Gibbs, McVie, Tony (standing), and Migs, the Manila Gay Clown. There, I just outed Migs. And the background is so appropriate: Parang karinderya, bukas beinte-kuwatro oras!

Click!

Now my Facebook, YM and other online sites and accounts are sporting a new “look”, thanks to a new set of peek-chures taken by the talented David Fabros. Please check out his website VisionCapture. At mamatay na sa inggit ang mga inggit.




(Obviously I’m uber-busy at work, which is why I’ve not posted any significantly substantial episodes here in the Show. Kelangan muna maghanapbuhay eh.

The photos are a triumph of Dave’s photographic skills and trained eye, more than anything else. And yes Virginia, that’s not Photoshop; I really do have a Madonna-esque gap between my two front teeth. So sue me.)

Another Quote For The Week

When asked, “What is it that you most deplore in yourself?”:

Whenever I’m lazy enough to assume people think like me. It’s a kind of vanity that gets me in trouble a lot. Also, I tend to project a purity of heart into people who impress me, which is very child-like.

– John Cusak, in a Vanity Fair interview, June 2008