Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

The Cluelessness Of Straights (3rd of a series)

Dear ‘Pre,

I know that you do not think the way that I will be describing in a while, but since there are quite a number of straight guys who think this way, I’ll just ask you to pass on the message to them.

Many times I’ve experienced something like this: straight guy finds out he’ll have a gay roommate, and he’ll balk. His reason? Laughingly he’ll say, “He might sneak a peek at me, or worse, do something while I’m asleep.”

There are many unspoken assumptions in that simple sentence, but for me the one thing that really gets my goat is this: Straight Guy assumes that Gay Guy will find him attractive, simply because he’s straight.

Dude, I know that there are guys who think they’re God’s gift to women. And it seems there also those of you who think that they’re catnip to fags. Ugh. Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you’re immediately attractive to all gay men. Duh.

The thinking is really very male: if a straight guy gets a hot chick for a roommate, he’ll take any and every opportunity he has to sneak a peek at her. And that’s where the fear comes from: just replace genders and sexual preference, and voila! Straight guy is now in the role of ogled object of lascivious desire. Manyakis becomes the victim of kamanyakan.

‘Pre, not all straights are hot for us gay guys. Next time you exhibit such hubris, just think: there are gay men out there who see you as your equivalent of a 150-pound woman with bad skin and dental flaws.

Yours truly,



Mugen said...

When a gay guy acts more masculine than the straight guy, chances are, it would be the "straight" guy who would experiment with the straight-acting gay.

Joel said...

@ mugen - how were you able to come up with that assumption?

Dave said...

Alam mo, book opportunity ito. Gawin lang mas extensive ang bawat entry, at ok na! Magaling ka naman magsulat.

Parang "THE CLUELESSNESS OF STRAIGHTS: Things straight guys have always wanted to know about gay guys but were afraid to ask." Hehe.

paulorn said...

"Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you’re immediately attractive to all gay men. Duh."

Well said. I just don't get the premise behind that line of thought. How self-serving and egocentric.

Thank you for enlightening straight men.

joaqui_miguel said...

"Next time you exhibit such hubris, just think: there are gay men out there who see you as your equivalent of a 150-pound woman with bad skin and dental flaws."

lol. So true. :)

Julius said...

most of the gay guys are top (like me unless i am super drunk, hehehe...), how will you please straight men in bed?

loudcloud said...

spot on, mcvie!

during my 'struggling/rebellious' years when i was starting a so-called industry that my folks thought to be 'not promising' (spell creative communications) i rented a room somewhere in bel air. i was sharing that room with a citibank exec (the owner of the house was strictly screening the applicants to all male, working professionals. hmmmm. hehe). now hotshot banker thinks that he's borderline johnny depp. he keeps on harping why he was glad to have shared the room with me instead of another banker, a medical representative and a media director (occupying three different rooms) whom he suspects to be gay/PLU.

his apprehensions are precisely what you have discussed here. and i once snapped at him when he was making pa-cute and kulit while i was reading in bed:

"i doubt they'd find you fuckable. those guys seem to have pretty high standards."

that was the last time he harped about being worried having a roommate who swings both ways. (ha! had he only known! LOL)

anyway, i've always suspected that he wanted to be sucked anyway. everytime i go home late he's feigning to be in deep dream. he's spread across his bed in nothing but his briefs, legs splayed, rubbing himself in his 'sleep.'

i just chuckle quietly and shake my head in disbelief.

i was in my "strictly women dates" phase then and now that i realize it, what would have happened if i took his bait? he was cute. mayabang nga lang. hehe.

neat post. way to deflate the egos of chauvinists everywhere!

london boy said...

hehe, napansin ko lang, kahawig ni AJ yung guy sa right :)

joelmcvie said...

@JULIUS: Naku. You can try to get them really, really drunk and top them, pero GUDLAK! Baka upakan ka nila, and I don't mean in a sexual way.

My suggestion is this: imagine the straight guy na pumatol sa iyo as another TOP gay man. So what can two tops do? BJ, hand job, frottage (non-penetrative sex), mutual jack-off....

Hindi naman dapat na lahat ng sexual activity should end in penetration. That's sooo heterosexual thinking. =)

joelmcvie said...

@LOUDCLOUD: Thanks! Wow, your set-up then was just sooo ripe for an M2M porn movie. Hahaha.

@LONDON BOY: OMG, oo nga!

rmacapobre said...

les dieux du stade.

some gays think like that way too .. i suspect it has more to do with the person rather than his or her sexuality.

Mugen said...

It doesn't happen all the time, but I've heard stories of supposed-to-be-straights, experimenting it with their non-straight counterparts.

Let's just say that in my book, everyone could be a bisexual.

ONAI said...

hey mcvie

yes not setting aside the gay guy's point of view some gay guys do have that wrong perception in the gay guys perspective, like when another gay guy meets or finds out another gay guy is gay:
(a) one assumes that they would click just because they are both gay (b) after the revelation and he finds this guy unattractive he fears that guy would be attracted to him just because they are both gay

isn't it just a male thing?

oh well how about this:

a gay guy's cluelessness to straight guys


gay guys wishing they were straight

joelmcvie said...

@MUGEN: Or supposedly gay guys trippin' on some females.... Hehehe! ;-)

@ONAI: Grabeh, nahilo ako doon ha, Bing! =)

Anonymous said...

everyone is innately bisexual