Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, June 09, 2008

Bathhouse Debate

One evening in the bathhouse, this guy made the mistake of engaging me—right after our one-on-one engagement—in a discussion that quickly turned into a one-sided debate. And all because he insisted on impressing on me the importance of “having a special someone in your life.”

Groan. Of all topics, of all places!

It started out simple enough. He asked me why I was still single by choice. And I told him that sometimes there is no choice. It takes two to tango but while there’s no one who wants to dance with me, then I dance alone—or join a dance group.

The initial friction started when I told him I was open to the possibility that after 10 or 15 years with one partner, if it becomes clear to both of us that we’ve grown our separate ways, I am willing for us to break up and remain friends rather than stay in the confines of couplehood.

Whaaat?!” he practically screeched, despite a valiant effort to keep his voice down. “Why are you so negative?”

“Huh?” For a moment I was flummoxed. “Negative?”

“Yes!” This time he didn’t make an effort to lower his voice, for emphasis I guess. “Bakit mo pinangungunahan ng break-up?! Hindi pa nga kayo, bini-break up mo na. Bakit ang negative mo naman?”

Ting! Something in my brain clicked and went into overdrive. Negative ba kamo, ha?!

“Bakit ang negative mo?” I immediately countered before he could add anything more. “Bakit iniisip mo na ang break-up ay automatically negative? Sometimes breaking up is the best course for both parties.”

Slap! Yan, i-negative mo mukha mo.

Then the next throw-down happened when we went into the whole singe vs. couple issue.

“Man was not meant to be alone,” he said.

“Well, I’m not alone,” I said. “I’ve family, friends, officemates, casual acquaintances….”

He threw me an exasperated look. “It’s different when you wake up and your partner has prepared breakfast for you.”

“And I love how my mom prepares breakfast for me,” I said.

“She’s a mom,” he said.

“Not all moms do that,” I said. “You know what? Your problem is two-fold. First, you assume that everyone in the whole wide world values couplehood the same way you do—not everyone does. Second, comparing singlehood versus couplehood is comparing apples and oranges. You can’t say one is better than the other. It’s not that simple. Some people may thrive on being single and unattached to one person. Besides, you speak of single life as if it’s something bad; it’s not.”

“Okay,” he interrupted. “I will challenge you on that.”

I paused, looked him in the eye and said, “Good! While you’re at it, why don’t you also challenge the late Mother Teresa? Or the late Pope John Paul II? Or how about Jesus Himself? Don’t tell me they lived lesser lives because they had no partner in life!”

“But that’s different,” he said. “They’re religious.”

“And I’m not?” I shot back. “I could actually be a cult leader—you just didn’t know. But seriously, I could actually end up with a particular vocation, you know? Like counseling gay couples.”

“But wouldn’t you want to grow old with someone?” he asked. “Wouldn’t it be great to wake up every morning and see a face beside you in bed?”

“At least I avoid morning breath,” I said. And I know one face I wouldn’t want to see beside me when I wake up.

Slap! Slap!

13 comments:

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

You should have just said "Shut up and suck me off."

Pao Pielago said...

Interesting. He talks about relationships and couplehood, but he's in the bathhouse to begin with. Hmmm...

Vince said...

Of all places nga naman.

Anonymous said...

buti nga sa kanya, haha!

cheers!
(single and happy) london boy

dyakks said...

kabog! ahahahaha

joelmcvie said...

@JOHN: Actually, that was after I fucked his brains out. Hmmm... maybe that explains things.

@PAO: He's currently single, so why shouldn't he be in the bathhouse?

@VINCE: My point exactly.

@LONDON BOY: Er, wag naman. I actually pulled my punches after a while and even said things to make him feel better afterwards. =)

@DYAKKS: Kabog, tulad ng sumayaw sa Bed with the shirt off... hahaha!

Pao Pielago said...

Ahh!...Akala ko naman may partner siya with all his rumblings about relationships. Oh...was that your point? Haha! ;)

DATS said...

It takes two to tango but while there’s no one who wants to dance with me, then I dance alone—or join a dance group.
-----I LOVE IT!!! LOL...
and for that guy---PSSSST...WAKE UP!...question...did you really slap him? ......

joelmcvie said...

@DATS: Slapped him in the ass while I was fucking him! LOL kidding!

Nope, I just mentally slapped him. Ayoko naman maging ganoon ka-physical in showing displeasure. I'd rather get physical to provide pleasure! =)

peter penducker said...

kaya nga naman ang rule of thumb sa bath house eh SILENCE. men go there to fuck not to chat. ;-)

Jake said...

hahaha tang ina, some people!!!

Mikkoi said...

That guy is so funny! I may be in a relationship right now but I don't think that way. He reminds me of my 19 years old ex!
Kid, if you want relationships to work, set aside your idealisms.
By the way Joel, I looooove your blog!

olive said...

i'm a married person and in the 37 years of being mostly single, i observed that there is no "couple" if there are no two "singles". i say celebrating singleblessedness is always key. seriously. some people nga!