Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, August 10, 2009

Imagine What A Jock Itch Would Be Like If….

Because Joaqui Miguel wanted to cement his status as an “extra virgin” (a title no one believes anyway), he asked us what crabs were.

Gibbs said, “Crabs is basically pubic lice.”

I chimed in, “They make you itch down there. Very itchy.”

Gibbs added, “If you wear white underwear and you see those little spots, that’s a sign that you have crabs. But they’re easy to get rid of, just use Qwell. It’s an anti-lice shampoo.”

“Well you can shave,” I said. “But that doesn’t guarantee you’ll get rid of them all. You can try using tweezers and get them one by one, hahaha! I mean, they’re small but you can still see them.”

JohnStan, who also claims to be a virgin sans the “extra” label, and who was quiet the whole time (in a bid for consistency of behavior that sadly did not convince any of us at all), asked, “So if you’re not wearing white underwear, you won’t see the spots?”

“Well, just wear white underwear to spot them!” Gibbs replied.

“Are crabs considered STD?” Joaqui asked.

Gibbs paused. “Well, they’re not a disease per se,” he answered. “But they are passed on during sex.”

“The lice can just jump from pubic hair to pubic hair,” I explained.

“But they’re not a disease,” Gibbs reiterated. “So I guess they’re sexually transmitted, uhm, insects?”

“Aaay, STI?! Hahahaha!”

“Sexually transmitted organisms?” Gibbs said with a smile.

I took a crack as it. “How about sexually transmitted creatures?”

Gibbs: “Sexually transmitted beasts?” Then a silly idea dawned on him. “What if they’re actual crabs, noh? As in the crustacean ones?”

“Hahaha!” JohnStan burst out laughing. “They’d be painful not itchy.”

“What if they’re actually elephants?” I wondered out loud. “Sexually transmitted elephants! They’ll be so big, you can’t miss ‘em.”

“Hahaha! How about sexually transmitted emus?”

“Hahaha! How about sexually transmitted walrus?”

“Hahaha! How about sexually transmitted platypus?”

“Hahaha! How about sexually transmitted pandaca pygmaea?”

“Hahaha! How about sexually transmitted tarsiers?”

“Ahahaha! They’ll be hanging on to your pubic hair like this.” And Gibbs pretended he was the world’s smallest marsupial clinging onto a branch.

Thank god we’re not Gods during creation, thinking of ways to make Man’s stay on earth a little more inconvenient.


john stanley said...

i remember we also considered sexually transmitted walrus and sexually transmitted pandaca pygmaea.

good times.

Tristan Tan said...

Hahaha - I could just imagine how Gibbs looked like hanging on to dear life as a sexually transmitted marsupial. Kaloka.

joelmcvie said...

@JOHNSTAN: Thanks for reminding me! I'll add them. =)

migs, the manila gay guy said...

Nakakalokah kayo mga bakla!


Turismoboi said...

dropping by!

gibbs cadiz said...

platypus pa, kasama! migs! mishutoo! :)

cant_u_read said...

looooooooooooooooove this post!

na-miss ko blog mo, joel. i remember, there was a period in time when i would swing by every night, before turning in. hay! kulang na kulang na ang aking me-time.

Ming Meows said...

i like your conversations. lumilipad.

Yj said...

sa twitter ba ito? o sa harap ng lamesang puno ng alak?

wala kayong kupas guys.....:)

MrCens said...


di kaya mabanat ang balat mo sa mga to? gano naman kalaki/kahaba ang pubic hair? si tarzan, pwedeng isali? lol!

a reader from dubai...

Joaqui said...

Good times! hehehe

@YJ: sa harap ng mesa na puno ng chai at green tea latte. hahaha virginal kame eh. :)

Atom said...

ahahaha, this made my day.