McMantra: I’m Discerning, I’m Deserving

Someone quite dear to me recently called me “Mr. Cynical” while someone else described me as an ice queen. Before I’d have proudly worn those labels. But now they just sadden me.

Before, I didn’t mind being single. Well, not true. I did mind, for a while. Then I stopped minding and concentrated on my career (how very showbiz—“Karir muna, Tito Boy!”). Then I minded again. The waiting was getting to me. Cupid turned into Godot, so I turned to the cynic route. But the wait became longer. And longer. And longer. Cynicism turned to anger, then resignation, then petulant defiance. I actually said to myself several times in the past, “If Love approaches, I’d run the other way—screaming.” But like a lot of things here in The McVie Show, those pronouncements were mostly for show.

Unfortunately, I bought into my own press release.

And unfortunately I had no idea how to play the waiting game at that time.

Eventually I realized that there are two kinds of waiting—passive and active. With the former, your life is put on hold; with the latter, your life continues to move on. Before, I chose the former path and suffered much for it. But the good thing that came out of it is that I learned eventually how to move on and to let go. And from there, I realized that there’s an active kind of waiting. A waiting that allows you to discern, yet is kind on yourself and allows you your own space and growth. So that the hope is that, maybe, the other will be as ready for you as you are for him.

You cannot be selfish. And you must learn to let go. A wise man once sung, “If you love someone, set them free.”

And that includes me.

I, single at 43, am also worth the wait.

* * * * *

Cynical still? I leave that to my audience.

Ice queen? Hmmm… I’m still cool with that, hahaha.