Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Going Out On A Limb

The door to his room was open. In the dim light of the bathhouse I could see him seated in a lotus position on his bed, with his towel draped over his lap. I had to swing by three times to assess the essentials. Face: sharp features, maangas-looking—check! Torso: well developed, especially his chest—check! Arms: strong-looking with large biceps and triceps—check! And all three times he’d nod his head when I’d slow down at his door, inviting me to come in. So I did.

He turned off the light inside his room as I locked the door. I took off my towel and positioned myself in front of him. He leaned forward, kissed my belly then flicked out his tongue and slowly teased it downwards. I felt his warm mouth gently enveloping me, gulping all of me in his mouth as I slowly throbbed to life. He teased me to full hardness, licking and slurping the whole length of my shaft. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed him down on the bed then roughly pulled off his towel and reached down to lift his legs up. That’s when I noticed something was off. His legs didn’t feel quite right, with his left leg thinner and bonier than his right leg. Then it hit me: I’m going to fuck someone who had polio.

Several thoughts ran immediately through my mind, most of which shouldn’t be mentioned here. So I will. The first was, “Oh my god!” Then the following thoughts came so fast and almost simultaneously that I couldn’t tell which came first: “Oh cool, no wonder he worked out his upper body.” “Can I still back out?” “There’s always a first for everything.” “How do I back out now?!” “No wonder he had his towel draped strategically over his leg.” “Fuck, I’ve been duped!” “Fuck, I’m going to fuck him cuz he duped me.”

Well what can I do? I decided to just go with the flow. At first I wanted to totally forget about it, but his leg kept getting in the way. Since it was impossible to ignore, I decided to just accept it and not make too much of a big deal about it. And I must admit, I did put on quite a show for him. Still, a part of my mind remained detached from the scene, like I was watching myself doing it with him. Pretty soon he was moaning and groaning and losing it. But little did he know that a part of me was just pulling his leg that night.


Anonymous said...

Hi McVie,

On the surface, your post is a good material for a sitcom. Very funny.

Strange, but this post also made me sad... It made me think of less attractive people longing for sex or physical contact.... just like the rest of us.

Nevertheless, I would like to commend you. You did the right thing by "going through it", despite of the physical deformity and the "deception". Just goes to show how well you've been brought up.... or maybe, you were just plain horny that time. =)

I would like to think that more than the physical thirst you have quenched, there is an emotional..and dare I say, spiritual, validation you have given this person. Kudos!


cant_u_read said...

a friend of mine once had sex with his blind masseur. it didn't bother him until after the whole thing, when the masseur kissed his eyes.

i don't really know how to feel about that story and yours. human compassion can be confusing sometimes. do u feel sorry for the person? or not? coz if u do, then you make him feel that he should be sorry for himself. then again, without "pity", then you're making him available to criticisms based on preferences.

in other words, like in your case, do u fuck him, out of pity (and make himself feel more unfortunate than he really he is), or do away with the pity and treat him like you would other guys, i.e. tell him, "sorry, your leg is too skinny for me." in the same tone that you would say to someone, "sorry, you're too much of a twink for me. i prefer bears."?

don't mind me. it's a personal puzzle to solve.

joelmcvie said...

@RYE: I think I can fuck someone out of pity and still not make him know or feel that it's a pity-fuck. That makes me a good actor and a great liar, mwhahaha.

To be honest, had I been given the time to wrap my mind around the idea of sex with a handicapped person, I'd even find the idea kinky. But to just suddenly spring the idea on me right there and then, my immediate feeling was: "Shet, i-pressure ba ako?!"

closet case said...

mind blogging ah este mind boggling pala. what a predicament, mcvie. my mind would have wanted but as the great shakira puts it: my hips dont lie. neither does my c**k. id probably just lose it.

cant_u_read said...

"Shet, i-pressure ba ako?!"

rinig na rinig ko ang boses mo sa linyang ito, joel..

joelmcvie said...

@CC: This is what happened. Thanks to self-discipline and lessons from doing theater, I employed a bit of self-hypnotism so that the following happened: [1] I tried to silence as much as possible that side of my brain screaming, “Shet, polio! Polio!” [2] In place of that I also tried to think more of the kinky aspect of doing it with a handicapped person. I must admit part of me finds it rather exciting to do something “new” or “for the first time” and this is one of them. It’s still within the realm of the acceptable for me. Do I have it in me to have sex with an animal? A corpse? An 85-year old man? A 5-year old girl? Hmmm… I’ll get back to you on the third one later. [3] I also concentrated instead on his well-developed upper body. In furnace, yummy na rin. Hindi naman super ripped (in fact, may flab ng konti) pero his upper body was in better shape than others in the bathhouse that night. And my answer to number 3? Yes, if it means I’ll get to inherit his hacienda, mwhahaha!

@RYE: Ako rin, rinig na rinig ko, hahaha!

Thomas said...

I do have polio, and after having this most of my life (had it since I was 5), I’ve gotten so used to it that I’ve totally forgotten about it. I must say though that it did take a lot of courage and effort to live as equals with the not-handicapped, you know with you, the so called “normal” people. Unfortunately, these same people will be the ones who’d pull me back down to what they perceive as my own little corner. I’ve gotten over it, so live your life and try not to make it your problem.

Anyway, reading your post made me sad specially when it was mentioned "pity-fuck". So what if the guy has polio, does that make him less desirable? Does that make him less of a person? A pity-fuck you say? Between the guy with the polio and you in that scenario, aren’t you more pitiful?

joelmcvie said...

@THOMAS: Thank you for sharing with me your experience, and I fully agree with your attitude of not making it your problem.

Please take note that I was referring to "pity-fucks" in general; the point I wanted to make to Rye was about my "acting" abilities. My sexperience with that guy was definitely not a pity-fuck. Despite the subterfuge he employed, he earned my respect for: [1] being in the bathhouse in the first place; [2] taking care of the rest of his body; [3] being active in bed.

But let's get real: YES, having polio can make a person less desirable for certain people, in certain instances.

Thomas said...

"But let's get real: YES, having polio can make a person less desirable for certain people, in certain instances."

True… very much certain people, in certain instances, will find people who are fat, with big tummy, small dicks, unkept facial hair undesirable. Believe me, I don’t pretend to live in a perfect world. There’s just so many “certain’ people who keep on reminding me of their bigotries, and discriminations . And I’ve accepted the fact that certain people, will have a hard time dealing with looking beyond my leg. And people with that attitude pisses me coz no matter what I do, no matter what I achieve, no matter what I accomplish, some people will define me coz of my polio. “Gwapo nga, may polio naman!”, “Presidente nga nang sariling company, may polio naman!” , “Hayop sa kama, maski may polio!” For some people, nothing I do will be good enough coz they can’t get pass at my polio leg. But then again, maybe that’s how they deal with their own insecurities. Some will even blog and make a spectacle of the encounter.

I've been a very big fan of Mcvie, maybe i am just being extra sensitive with this blog entry.

joelmcvie said...

@THOMAS: Don't worry Thomas, we all have our bigoted views, discriminations, insecurities and sensitivities. And our own different ways of coping and dealing with them.

Anonymous said...

I once had a very dear gay friend who had polio. He was quite good-looking (looked like Cesar Montano), and had a managerial position in a multinational corporation. He was also a very good, decent man.

When I first met him, it was hard to ignore his thin leg. I didn't show it of course. But over time I ceased to notice it.


Because he himself was comfortable about who he was. He refused to wear braces, even if he limped -- no, actually wobbled from side to side as he walked. He himself didn't let his polio "define" his person. He was confident, and carried himself so well, that others looked up to him as authority. That's why he was making good money in a managerial position. Like me, others who have met him eventually "forgot" about his thin leg because his other qualities stood out. And I really admired him for that.