Response

The following was inspired by Gabby’s letter in MGG; read it here.

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I’m a veteran of unrequited love. It took me a while to learn my lesson well and live to tell the secret I have learned. As in, a while—I went through five successive ones before I stopped banging my head against the wall. And when it comes to disentangling oneself from an unrequited love situation, there really is no easy way, especially if the one you “love” cannot reciprocate but wants to hold on to you as a friend.

What have I realized?

[1] In the end, it is really just your problem and yours alone. No one is responsible for fixing it but yourself.

[2] The best and only way… I repeat, the best and only way… one more time, the best and only way to get over him is to give yourself time and distance. Again, time and distance. One more time: time and distance.

[3] The song by Journey says it plainly: Be good to yourself ‘cuz nobody else will. Because he isn’t looking out for your welfare when he says, “I miss you, it’s not like before, you’re pushing me away”. FUCK YEAH, I’M PUSHING YOU AWAY. Because I fucking need to get over you, and I can’t do that with you around. So get over your fucking needs and think about what I need, jerk! Better yet, I should be thinking about my needs.

[4] Can you still be friends? Like Humpty Dumpty, no amount of King’s horses and men can put the old friendship back together again. It’s best to view it this way: that old friendship is dead. If you want to re-connect with him then start from scratch, and preferably after a period of time has passed so that you’re sure you’ll never pine for the old friendship again.

[5] Don’t think he’s the only guy you’ll ever want to be with. There are so many beautiful people out there in the world.

[6] Will this experience make you a jaded, bitter guy? To be honest, I did go through the bitter, jaded, cynical route. But in time I snapped out of it. How could I stay jaded? It’s really not fun to be in gothic black mood all the time, spewing bitter truths about love and lies. Most likely you will never recover the innocence you once had; in my case I became wary. But hopefully you’ll come out of this wiser and still willing to risk your heart again.