I have this particular barkada: all the men are gay and all the women are fag hags. Most have known one another since college; some go even way back to grade school. When we celebrated the arrival of 2008 with a toast and wishes for the coming year, one of us, let’s call him A, mentioned that he was seriously considering exploring the fairer sex. He’s recently discovered a fascination for females that don’t involve dressing them up and doing a make-over; it was more carnal, he insisted. This elicited a round of “Yuck!” “Ewww!” and “Lesbianism is rampant! (What’s wrong with being rampant?)!” and lots of laughter and shrill shrieks.
Then A uttered a line that stuck to me for hours after. He said, “For the record, this is the only group who reacted with ‘Yuck’ to my news.”
Apparently A had told a different group as well as his colleagues in his office, and most were quite excited for him and accepting of his decision to try “playing for the other team”. The straight guys were especially happy for him.
What struck me was this: the friends who supposedly know A best and who know A the longest are also the ones who are most resistant to him undergoing a major change. Aren’t we supposed to support A? Aren’t we the ones who should be most understanding?
What I realized were two things: [1] The older your friends are, the more they have baggage about you, the harder it is for them to see you in a different light; [2] Change is harder to accept if there are no prior warnings, clues or hints leading to the change.
Of course towards the end of our toast we all told A we’d support him in whatever he plans to do. I guess the wine had gone to our heads by then.
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Epilogue: just yesterday A told me he may be eating his words about going bisexual. I asked him why. He replied: “Mukha yatang malaking gulo at kasalanan yun kay Inang Kalikasan.”
8 comments:
so natural for us to dismiss such notions of 'crossing over' as temporary insanity. i guess because if it were that simple, a lot of us would have not 'chosen' this alternative lifestyle. but it isnt. and recognizing an attraction towards the opposite sex does not mean losing attraction towards the same sex. if he was my friend, i would salute his 'widening' horizon of attraction. but whether he wants to act on it is purely a matter of choice, with all consequences, welcome or not.
@CC: Well, baggage is baggage. And it was more of a knee-jerk reaction to jokingly dismiss his announcement. But in fairness to the group, when we realized he wasn't joking, it was easy for us to say, "We support you." (But not without a gazillion jokes at A's expense, hahaha. Well, that's how that barkada is like.)
personally, i dont think there's anything wrong with being rampant! bwahahaha!
But seriously though, I'm a bit biased when it comes to "crossing over." When it's a "straight" guy crossing over to our side, I feel so excited and very welcoming. Pag one of us tapos planning of going to other side to munch on grass, I don't believe them at kinukutya ko. Masama ba ako? Bwahahah
Yuck talaga! Hahaha. I have a friend who flip flopped all over the place when he was in his mid-20's. What made it such a big "disappointment" to his close group of friends was that he was actually part of very visible group of gay activists and was seen as a betrayal to the cause of sorts.
Just turn the tables a bit. If you had a straight friend who suddenly says he thinks that he is gay, wouldn't you be happy for him also? It really depends on the crowd he is talking too....if the other group was predominantly straight men and women of course they would be welcoming. Heck, my straight best buddy of 12 years still asks me every now and then if I will be straight anytime soon (so that he can be the godparent to my child).
each of us has these "curiousity moments". it's ok as long as long as it falls on the "there's no harm on trying" premise.
ako rin, gusto ko na ng babae.
chika!
My knee-jerk reaction would probably depend on how "gay" he was before his foray into the world of vaginas.
If he's the screaming nelly, pure bottom type, then my eyebrows would definitely rise and roll over to the back of my head.
But if he's the "straight-acting", top type, then I wouldn't be as skeptic. After all, a hole is a hole is a hole right?
@MISTERHUBS: A is obviously effeminate in speech and action. Halatang-halata ang kulot ng kanyang kilos at pananalita. He's also very thin, and although he's not very fashion-conscious, he dresses very neatly. I don't know if he's top, bottom or versa. But bottomline, the adjective "discreet" does not apply to him (although he can switch to straight-acting if necessary).
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