Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, April 14, 2008

It’s An SM-Mall World After All

Before the ubiquitous SM logo was placed on the outside wall, casual motorists would be forgiven if they thought that Marikina was building its own airport. The ramp, flyover and the overhead street signage remind me of the old Ninoy Aquino International Airport (I hate that airport, I so hate it). They say SM Marikina will open in time for the opening of classes. Ugh, I can imagine the traffic already.

During a dinner with my friends from theater, the topic turned to the SM malls. Someone mentioned that the business mandate was to open at least 4 SM malls a year (or so he heard). Of course our imagination got the best of us, and we thought of ways by which Henry Sy can turn the whole Philippine archipelago into one big mall. Maybe one day there will be an SM mall in every corner of every city; think SM Convenience Mall. So the Sys will have to fit their malls into the unlikeliest of locations:

[1] SM Chocolate Hills, Bohol – Each hill will house a section; men’s section on one hill, children’s section on the other, and so forth. If the Sys are really greedy, they can put up a complete mall on every hill. Boy, talk about “the hills are alive”.

[2] SM Hundred Islands, Alaminos, Pangasinan – Like in Bohol, but this time islands instead of hills.

[3] SM Sulu – It will be a floating mall in the form of a giant vinta.

[4] SM Culion Leper Colony, Palawan – In honor of the island’s degenerative disease past, the mall will have several sections missing. Most obviously absent will be the shoes section because, hey, the extremities fall off first.

[5] SM Taal Volcano, Batangas – According to Wikipedia, “Volcano Island contains a lake about 2 km across, called Crater Lake. Within Crater Lake is another small volcanic island, called Vulcan Point. Vulcan Point is the world's largest island within a lake on an island within a lake on an island.” If they build an SM Vulcan Point, it’ll be the world’s largest mall within an island within a lake on an island within a lake on an island. Think about that for a minute.

[6] SM Mall Within an SM Mall – When they run out of places to build malls, they will build malls within their malls. From “let’s make them bigger and bigger” they will now shift to the “let’s make them smaller and smaller” philosophy, like the Japanese. Watch out for SM Lilliput soon. And if they create an SM Mall within SM Vulcan Point, it’ll be the world’s smallest mall within a mall within an island within a lake on an island within a lake on an island. Now think about that for a minute too.

Okay, now it’s your turn to think of ideas on where to put new SM malls. Don’t be shy. Let’s help Henry Sy in his ultimate goal: SM Earth.


artistmonk said...

Haha! Natawa ako dun sa first pic... sa Bohol talaga ang una! Hahahaha!. Well, how about SM Mayon? Or SM Apo? And a beachy SM Puerto Galera? Wahahaha. :D

daemon said...


that made my night...

i could just imagine the most unlikely location for an SM Mall...


there goes capitalism ruining earth...

4 malls a year... thats business?

greedy more like it...

joelmcvie said...

@DAEMON: Oops, let me clarify: that "4 malls a year" mandate is, as far as I know, just hearsay. I've yet to verify that; how, I have no idea, hahaha.

cant_u_read said...


i love the sm mall within an sm mall.