Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Are You A Lemon Or A Raspberry?

Had a great time at fellow Fabcasters’ AJ / Gibbs / Migs concelebrated birthday bash (now that’s gay bashing!) last night.

I immediately clicked with Migs’ ex-officemate (who insists she’s also an ex-fag hag) and his current officemates (who I’m assuming are all proudly out in the workplace, judging from their stories). What sealed the deal for me was when we bonded over the first five books of the Old Testament (in order: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy) and their collective name (the Pentateuch).

Don’t ask.

Anyway, I got from them this very interesting test. We all know that no gaydar is 100% accurate. But they stumbled upon an intriguing experiment to determine if a guy is gay or not.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting: “Gay Or No Gay?!” (delivered ala-Kris Aquino in her trademark malapit na akong mamaos manner)

They stumbled upon it when they were ordering in this Italian restaurant, where their iced tea comes in two flavors. So whenever someone ordered iced tea, the waitress would patiently ask, “Sir, lemon or raspberry?” Invariably all the gay guys chose the raspberry flavor.

After hearing the origins of the “Gay Or No Gay?!” test, I immediately put it to a test. And lo and behold, almost all chose the raspberry flavor. Only two gay guys chose lemon, and one of them was Corporate Closet. I cornered CC to probe his answer further.

“So why did you choose raspberry?” I asked CC, after I explained to him all about the test.

“Well you see, I was thinking kasi na here in the Philippines, it will be difficult for a manufacturer to get the taste of raspberry right,” he explained.

In fairness ang sagot ng lola natin!

“Oh!” I said. “You approached the question like a manufacturer, not a consumer.”

“Yes,” he replied.

“So let’s change the question,” I pushed on. “Assuming that the manufacturer is a trusted company and that they got the flavor of raspberry down pat, what would you choose?”

CC thought for a moment. “I think I’d still choose the lemon,” he said, with a giggle.

I rolled my eyes and walked off to smoke.


E said...

hehehehehe I'm glad you had a fun night! nakaaaliw naman yang gay or no gay mo hehehehe

closet case said...

oh come on, mcvie. lemon trumps raspberry for us g0ys. hahaha

olive said...

and editor friend once had a theory about this as well. he said that if his client likes u2 music, then he's probably straight.

so i decided to try his theory on a friend (a macho mary), so i asked him if he likes u2. his face lit up; "yes, of course!"

ready to discard the theory, i ws quiet. then he piped up: "i also like giordano, benetton, and esprit!"

laughing, i explained it was the band. his face cleared and he went:"ah!!! of course i like them, the ones who sang elevation for tomb raider! love them! whenever i hear that song, i feel like lara croft."

Quentin X said...

Raspberry usually tastes like cough syrup; why would you?

joelmcvie said...

@E: "With friends like these, who needs drugs?" Hehehe.

@CC: Hoy, g0y, my ass! You just want to be contrary, that's all. Hahaha!

@OLIVE: Uhm... I actually love U2, the band. And the clothing brand too. =)

@QUENTIN: Hmmm... cough syrup. I wonder: does this suggest that we want to relive our childhood days when we were sick and Mommy would take care of us? =)

Vince said...

I don't know... I've tasted raspberry and didn't particularly like it, so I'd go with lemon, a safer choice. Now strawberry iced tea, mmm-mmm. :-)

palma tayona said...

hmmm... i've always preferred lemon, it's the nearest thing to calamnsi and dalandan. i love u2, rem, e-heads, whitesnake, radiohead (90% of my listening fare borders on the rock and alternative sound). i get - strangely - turned on by women with long hair. had a female fubu. i hang-out with pasay policemen not because for hook-ups or some such things but some of them really are my friends and i like the conversations and the intoxication - consisting mostly of grunts, chest thumping and staring at either the bottle or the naked dancer's bush. they say these are marks more apt for a straight guy. hmmm... i say, who cares? am still very much an avowed gay person.

alex, one of my drinking buds once summed it up for me, "tol, okay ka eh. sa lahat ng ghey na nakilala ko, ikaw yung walang tinging gutom."

oh well...

joelmcvie said...

@PALMA: Hay naku, ikaw yung dapat ipakilala sa maraming straight... AT sa karamihan ng mga bading who cannot wrap their heads around a gay guy who can genuinely be with "desirable" (relative, of course) straight men and not have that "tinging gutom" look. BTW, I love that picturesque phrase. =)

PJ said...

hello! it was nice meeting you last saturday. :) pentateuch rules! hehe

fried-neurons said...

Haha. Interesting.

My friend Dom (young straight guy) always tells me that the dead giveaway that I'm gay is that I always order mixed drinks instead of beer when we're in a bar.