Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

McVie’s Most Favorite Episodes (Part 1)

Thanks to the Phil. Blog Awards, I began revisiting my older episodes of The McVie Show. I recalled some of my most popular or favorite episodes. One of my earliest episodes that gained extra popularity—or notoriety—is the following post (which I’m reprinting here because it’s already on “archive”) on a product that I don’t see anymore in the market: Sam Hotdog. I remember when, a week after I uploaded the episode, my officemate told me, “Hey, your blog post is now a viral! Someone just forwarded to me your post via email.” Back then, I had no idea what “viral” meant, and its implication was lost on me. A few weeks later I found out my brother, who’s also in advertising and whose client is actually the manufacturer of Sam Hotdog, told me that he and his client had actually read my blog episode. Uh-oh. Good thing his client had a healthy sense of humor.

Here again is the The McVie Show episode that first aired Sunday, June 25, 2006.

* * * * *

The Making Of…

…Sam Hotdog.

One afternoon in the RFM boardroom, management was pondering what to do next.

“Minerva, what’s the latest in R&D?” asked the chairman.

The head of research and development, the lone woman in a roomful of men, pushed back her glasses and, in a prim, I’m-the-school-principal tone, spoke up without rising from her seat. “Research has confirmed that, after kids, the next biggest number of consumers of hotdogs,” and here she gave a slight dramatic pause, “are gay men.”

Silence filled the room. All eyes were on her.

The R&D head, wearing a smug smile on her lips, prolonged the silence by just staring back at them.

The chairman had to say something. “Well,” he said.

The R&D head smiled even wider.

The marketing head spoke up. He always spoke whatever was first on his mind anyway. “Then,” he said, in a similar tone that connected the chairman’s previous one-word sentence, “I think we should really tap into the pink peso! I think we should make a hotdog and name it after a hunk.” His eyes widened as he fell silent, shocked at what he just said at the top of his head.

Again silence filled the room.

“Brilliant,” the chairman said.

Then the murmuring started. Some were scratching their heads, others were muttering to their seatmates. The marketing head, his spirits buoyed by what the chairman said, pushed on further. “The hunk should be from showbiz,” he added. “A star who is hot right now.” There were mumblings of agreement across the table.

The chairman spoke, “Who’s the hottest hunk right now for the gays?”

For the third time that afternoon, one could hear a pin drop on the carpeted floor of the boardroom.

The chairman, sensing his mistake, turned to the R&D head. “Minerva, do you know who’s the hottest hunk right now?” Unfortunately Minerva was a forty-two year old miss who had six dogs as her only companions in her apartment after her mother died five years ago. She stammered, “Well… ah… I think…” before the chairman mercifully cut her off. “I think,” he said, “that we should bring our secretaries in here and ask them.”

Suddenly a voice from the far end of the table was heard: “Sam Milby.”

All eyes turned to the assistant brand manager who spoke up. He started stammering when he realized that not only was everyone staring at him, but they also had puzzled, even accusing, expressions on their faces. “Ah, er, I mean… look, even my girlfriend told me she wants to get it on with that guy,” he quickly added. “I mean, I’m insanely jealous because of that!”

Relief swept across the room. The brand manager, who played badminton regularly with his assistant and had stripped so many times in front of him in the locker room after playing, immediately gave his two-cents’ worth. “Yeah, I agree,” he said. And that was the only thing he would ever say in the entire meeting.

“Sam Milby,” the chairman muttered. “Do we have any other options aside from Sam?”

Miss R&D, eager to make a contribution, chimed in. “Richard Gomez,” she said confidently.

“Too old,” said the marketing head. “I can imagine a foot-long that’s wrinkled and cold.” Ewww, said everyone in the room.

“How about Manny Pacquiao?” said another.

“He’s everywhere,” complained the marketing head, “and besides, I see a short, tough, sweaty cocktail sausage. That’s one salty hotdog.”

“What about Echo Rosales?” said another. The marketing head shook his head. “I’m seeing dark, burnt, brownish instead of bright, juicy red. Plus it looks like a long, thin one. We want tender, juicy, big, fat!” By this time everyone was so busy thinking of options that no one wondered how the marketing head could make a judgment call on Echo’s dick.

“Uhm, Rafael Rossel?”

“He’s half-Norwegian, isn’t he? Are we thinking salmon hotdogs here?” sneered the marketing head, “I don’t think so!”

“But ‘Norwegian Wood’ would be such a great name study,” said the assistant brand manager to no one in particular.

“I know! Richard Gutierrez!” shouted someone. “No,” shouted another, “Richard and Raymond Gutierrez! Twin hotdogs!”

The marketing head brightened. “Imagine, conjoined hotdogs! An alternative to the foot-long! We’ll have to make special hotdog buns for them! Think of the additional revenue avenues!”

“No.” The chairman’s voice was firm. “No twin hotdogs. I don’t want to deal with the mother. And that’s that,” he said, cutting off any objections from the marketing head. “I think I’ll go with Sam Milby. He’s young, fresh, white meat, and his name is very ‘Uncle Sam’ American, and we all know that the hotdog is as American as apple pie and baseball. Yeah, I’m comfortable with Sam.”

He then turned to the marketing head. “Now, I want you and your team to get cracking. I want every homosexual in the Philippines, from Luzon to Mindanao, to say, ‘I want to eat Sam’s hotdog!’ I want them to stuff their mouths with Sam’s hotdog every single day!”

And thus it came to pass:

(This was taken at 6am when the light wasn’t that bright yet. The copy says, “Swift Sam All-Meat Hotdogs. Bagong sarap, bagong kaibigan.”)


blagadag said...

I wonder why was I salivating after reading this post. Whew. Echo's hotdog, supposed to be, would be fine for me.

joaqui_miguel said...

This made my day!

Thanks! :)

Misterhubs said...

Sam's hotdog was last seen inside Piolo's buns.

palma tayona said...

hahahaha... ngayon ko lang nabasa ito. sobrang katawa.

Anonymous said...

re intro:

i guess this means na na-out ka na sa bro mo via the blog? unless binasa lang nya yung episode na iyon at di na-intriga sa ibang entries. or binasa lang niya yung viral e-mail.

then again, the episode itself would probably tip him off hehehe.


mraunch said...

actually sam hotdogs are good. whenever i get bored with red wieners i usually stuff myself with (and let's face it, the same old hotdog going down your throat can get boring) i go for sam. not bad, not bad at all. it's the only one that can stand to the taste and juiciness of my usual comfort wiener.

too bad they pulled sam hotdogs out of our reach. the last time i saw them, they only had them in jumbo.

Aris said...

classic ito! hahaha! :)

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA. Thank God i ended up in your blog. At least that made me forget bout school for a minute. Will be checking this out on a regular basis now.

By the way, stories like this one make me want to just graduate already and get into advertising. I just hope there'd still be hotdog brands left when my time comes.

J.P. (Gibbs, you know me.....haha)

joelmcvie said...

@JP: This isn't Gibbs' blog. =)

pat said...

an excuse to assess these artistas' longness. brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah yeah, I know. He just told me to visit your blog. So I told him I commented. Of course youre not gibbs, joel. Your avatar does not show a paminta.