Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Lessons In Love

Recently I was counseling a friend who had a bad break-up; his ex left him for another guy. A month after the break-up, my friend thought he was okay. But recently another encounter with his ex forced him to realize that instead of moving on, he still gets affected by his ex. “Every time I’m reminded of him, it’s like I’m back to square one,” he said.

I reassured him, “Don’t worry, that’s a normal part of moving on. You think you’re already okay and then suddenly you find yourself feeling bad again. Then the cycle repeats itself. But don’t worry, you’ll find that every time you feel down, it becomes less and less painful.”

He then replied, “But I’m so tired of this kind of situation. I’ve been asking myself why I give so much of myself that it’s so painful when my feelings are just dumped aside.”

“That’s what happens when you expect something in return,” I said.

He continued, “I don’t know if my efforts were just wasted, if they were all for nothing.”

I realized that my friend was in pain because he was hoping his efforts would be reciprocated. But if one were to love another without asking for anything in return, then he would not be tortured in case his love isn’t reciprocated. Now that’s truly unconditional.

Unfortunately that’s also something not everyone is privileged to learn. Maybe one day I too will get the hang of it.


i am beki said...

unconditional love is so wonderful.

i hope i will be blessed with that too.

rudeboy said...

Ah, Joel - was there ever a human being who loved unconditionally?

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return." Then again, Moulin Rouge did end in tragedy.

Herbs D. said...

omg.i was planning to post about things i learned about love a few minutes ago & then i saw this.

i think were meant to be LOL

Lance said...

I know how your friend feels. Im so glad Im over a very similar episode in my life. He just has to deal with the pain. No advice no matter how sound will work. He needs to work it out on his own. Right now he probably blames himself for what's happening so I just want to share this: Sometimes, the relationship that's worth saving is the one with yourself. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself for loving someone who's not emotionally available.

joelmcvie said...

@I AM BEKI: It would be more wonderful if it's directed at you. =)

@RUDEBOY: I dunno, ask your mom. =)

@HERBS: We're meant to cannibalize each other's blog posts.

@LANCE: Aba, aba, aba! Kumo-quota ka na sa mga wise sayings, ha. LOL

Mr. Scheez said...

It's all in the mind.

citybuoy said...

relapse. it's a major biatch.

i dunno. call me jaded but i don't think man is capable of unconditional love. show me a man who says he can love unconditionally and i'll show you a man who has not been pushed to his limits. once you reach your limits, that's when you start to demand. hence, it was never unconditional after all.

dr magsasaka said...

Grieving takes some time.

In the end, it is better that he knows he is not loved anymore than carrying on a sham for a longer time period.

Mas masakit yun, di ba?

Yj said...

go... para akong nasampal sa magkabilang pisngi.... hahahahaha

joelmcvie said...

@CITYBUOY: Perhaps no man is capable of unconditional love, but mothers aren't men. Maybe I should develop my mother instincts, hwek-hwek-hwek.