Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Think Positive, Be Negative

Two weeks after I took a spur-of-the-moment blood test in the middle of Orosa Street, the jury is in. I am officially STD- and HIV-negative.

* * * * *

A window popped up in my YM. It was Chronicles of E.

“What’s your test code number?”

The free test was also anonymous. Instead of names, we were assigned numbers. I gave him my number.

“You already have the results?” I asked him. “I thought they would be out tomorrow!”

“Well,” he replied, “they’re available now and I can get them for you. Wait, okay?”

The next few second were some of the longest in my life.

Funny, considering that the week after I was tested, I wasn’t worrying too much while waiting. Maybe because even when I was considering having myself tested, I already started asking myself, “What if I turn out positive?” I was decided I’d make the next season of The McVie Show dedicated to promoting safe sex.

But I wasn’t able to complete the scenario of how, if ever, I’d tell my family. Telling my friends is the easy part.

“You need to see them again.” E typed in. And by “them” he meant the people at the Social Hygiene Clinic, the ones who administered the test.

Hmmm. Now why would he say that to me? The following thought flow quickly flashed through my mind.

Either he’s joking or he’s serious. If he’s serious, either the result is positive or there was an honest mistake and I need to be tested again. So I decided to might as well go with the flow calmly. I figured that if he’s serious and I’m positive (worst-case scenario), then I might as well know what my next steps are. But if he’s joking, then I’ll be ruining his joke, and the joke’s on him. (Later on I realized that, if indeed E was serious, then the joke was on me.)

Sige nga, sakyan natin ito! “Okay,” I replied. “So where do I need to go and who do I see?”

E gave me the information as calmly as he could also. But I was even cooler. “And what’s next?”

E eventually broke.

“Okay, okay! You’re negative! Hahaha!”

I smiled and replied, “Yeah, I guessed as much.”

Kainis ka, hindi ka nag-freak out.”

So how come I didn’t freak out? Maybe it’s because I have been thinking about it for the past two weeks. I’m sure the full impact would hit me much later, but maybe because I was concentrating on the immediate next steps, I refused to worry about the far-away implications.

* * * * *

When I told several friends of my test results and how I got them, they all had the same reaction: “Tell your friend that was a really, really bad joke.” Some even frowned and told me, “That wasn’t a very nice thing to do.” I’d just shrug that comment off, or like one time I replied, “Oh it’s okay, I’d have done the same thing had we exchanged places.” That shut them up.

What I find interesting is that they’re the ones who are bothered but I’m not. It’s true, E and I share that dark, morbid humor. But I guess what most of my friends didn’t know is that E is HIV-positive himself. Maybe had they known, they would have reacted differently.

I understood him well when E told me on YM: “Naiingit ako sa inyo,” referring to K and I who both took the test. “You guys are both negative, while I had to be the one who’s positive.”

So I told him, “Even if I’m negative, you’re still my friend. If you want, give me some of your blood. I’ll inject myself with it, hahaha. Or wait! Better yet, let’s just have sex! It’ll be more fun pa!”

E replied: “Hahaha! But you’d have to be bottom!”

Me: “Ay. (Mag-hesitate ba?! Hahahaha!)”

As I said, E and I do share a morbid sense of humor.

1 comment:

citybuoy said...

glad you're negative. one of the few times na okay maging nega. hehe