Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Don’t Mess With The Vocab!

Standing at a corner in the bathhouse, I recognized this familiar-looking guy who was headed towards my direction. He and I had hooked up before in the same bathhouse. But that was perhaps a year, maybe even more, ago. He looked heavier now; I remember he had a protruding belly before, but now it seemed like he was six months pregnant.

I was adjusting my towel wrapped around my waist when he passed by. He caught a glimpse of my underwear. He stopped, positioned himself beside me, and whispered, “Sexy underwear.” I was about to reply when he added, quite animatedly, “But man, you ballooned! You were already okay when we first met. You should lose weight!”

I was taken aback.

He repeated, “You really ought to lose weight, ha.”

Okay, that’s it. I didn’t mind being called fat, even if I’m not. (Though I was thinner then.) What got to me was his advising me to do something he himself should be doing. More.

The nerve!

Without hiding the annoyance in my voice, I muttered, “Aba, nagsalita ang svelte.”

He leaned closer to me. “Hah? Svelte? Ano yung svelte?”

That’s when I did a double eye-roll. Then I said, “Corpulent na, imbecile pa,” and walked off.

I thought I heard a “Hey!” but I didn’t bother looking back. I never bumped into him again that night.


Guyrony said...

Nice one!

Snapped back at him without batting an eyelash(curler).

If I were in your position I would have told him to buy a laptop instead of having that desktop table of his.


Mu[g]en said...

If I was in your shoes, I'd say it direct,

"Look at your big tummy first before telling me to loose weight fasto"

Kapal ng mukha ah.

Tony said...

maybe he was talking to his tummy. Ask tere... I talk to hers. ><

Justin, Uhm, Bieber said...


Ronnie said...

Ang taray mo! Hahaha.

Ka-imbey mga tao na kung makapag-advise kala mo walang mali.

Yj said...

ahahahahahaha ang srap ng banatan ng mga kontrabida lines....

kapalgooms ang fotah....

Felipe said...

perfect score for taray factor. good job!

invite mo ako sa book launching ha. i wanna get a copy. :D

joelmcvie said...

@FELIPE: Sure you're invited. Pero this particular story won't be in the book. Hmmm, book two? Ahahaha.

Ming Meows said...

naku, if ever magbump kami ni mcvie i'll bring a dictionary na

MkSurf8 said...


btw, kelan ang book launch?

joelmcvie said...

@MKSURF8: Publishers pushed back the launch date to end of May. They want all three books to be launched simultaneously.

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

luuuhrv this! hahaha

Anonymous said...

lol! panalo! i wish i have the same mastery of the english language to spun dictionary-needed-to-understand words when i need to be witty and pretty.

icarusboytoy said...

hahaha panalo!

didinskee said...

Out of boredom, in HS, a friend and I went through the dictionary looking for the most obfuscated way to insult someone. Best we came up was this:

"The pejoration of your corpulence is emetic."