Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Matters Of Size

I found myself dragged into a threesome. The two were already at it in the dimly lit corridor, and when I tried to pass them by, one of them grabbed my arm and pulled me into their tangled, merry mess. One was wiry and older, the other was more ample and younger, and so I thought, “I’ll be the middle ground,” and joined them. Call it the Papa Bear, Momma Bear and Baby Bear set-up, with me as the Momma. Or you can just vote for me as Bathhouse Miss Friendship.

Plump Guy had a room and so we piled in there, barely disengaging from one another. PG wanted to concentrate on sucking us both at the same time. Meanwhile, Thin Oldie got a huge kick getting his nipples licked and sucked. TO was also a lot noisier, groaning and grunting and ooh-ing and aah-ing all the time. So I decided to up the ante by eating his nipples and then moving up hungrily to bury my face in his armpit. “Ooooahhhh!” he yelped in pleasure. “Pu—tang—na! Yeah! Sige! Shit, tang’na ka!” he was swearing all over the place. I was feeling pretty good at that point when he hissed through gritted teeth the following: “Tangina ka, ang sarap mo! Kahit na ba maliit titi mo, tang’na! Ang galing mo magromansa, putang’na ka!”

In my mind everything slowed down and came to a halt, ala-The Matrix.

Ho—wha—hey! Whoa! Did you just say what I think you just said?

And then he repeated it. Again. For the second time. “Kahit na ba maliit ang—” and click Pause now!

Ah ganoon, ha?

Okay, I’m actually just a little above 5’5” in height so even by Pinoy men standards I’m short. I’ve been blessed with proportional limbs and extremities. My underwear size varies between medium and large (depending on the brand); it is more an indication of waistline than “packing a wallop” as per YC Bikini Briefs’ commercial, but what the heck. Too much information, you say? Hey, tuning in to The McVie Show is one big TMI. (Or so you think.)

I’ll admit it; size queens will not give me a second glance. But I’m pretty secure in the knowledge than, in my vast and varied experience with Filipino penises, both flaccid and erect, I fall squarely in the middle of the Pinoy penile bell curve. (And may I just remind everyone that the middle of that bell curve covers a huge range of lengths and sizes.)

But let’s put things in context, shall we? Okay, so I will concede that Thin Oldie had the most impressive in terms of length and girth. But if you were to make a side-by-side comparison, his advantage is comparable to the difference between a “tall” and a “grande” at Starbucks; he definitely is no “venti” by any measure. Also, Plump Guy’s was even shorter in length and smaller in girth than mine, and TO had time to check us both out.

So what’s with his verbal ejaculation, huh?

At first I wondered if he was actually referring to Plump Guy, but no. He repeatedly said it into my ears. So yup, that was addressed to me. Was it a form of reverse-psychology-as-foreplay? Or verbal masochism as a turn-on?

Before my mind could speed things up back to normal, a thought occurred. What if I just drop everything and walk out without a word, without much fuss, without throwing a hissy fit? Oh, Thin Oldie might retract what he said just to keep me in the room. But definitely the momentum would be interrupted.

Ultimately I thought, “So?” and time returned to normal. “It’s all in the mind,” I told myself, and everything became mindless again.

Thin Oldie’s next ejaculation was certainly a lot more pleasant to hear.


Aris said...

ay, comparing notes ito haha! :)

joelmcvie said...

@ARIS: True! And damn, dapat naisip ko yung "comparing notes" quip, hahaha.

jamie da vinci! said...

did this happen while you were doing OT!!!??? hahahaha. lumaki bigla mata ko at nagisip... baka naistorbo kita?

o dir.... :)

joelmcvie said...

@JAMIE: Er, nowhere in the episode did I say that this happened last night, dear. For all you know, this happened two years ago. =)

Anonymous said...

in fact, i thought i read something similar from one of your old posts.... correct? -joey

Ming Meows said...

better take it as a compliment rather than insult

joelmcvie said...

@JOEY: Similar but not the same. Which means I'm really a disappointment for the size queens of the bathhouses, hahaha.

Flipping Felipe said...

Dapat kinagat mo yung utong. Yan ang hapdi ng kasarapan.


Anonymous said...

so funny. i think he was doing some psychological mind game with you. maybe that turned him on.

Mugen said...

Tangina magwawalk out ako nun! Lalo na kung mas maliit etits sakin ang magsabi?

Kasi kung hindi, pag nagtop ako eh siguradong dudugo siya sa akin. Ahahahaha.

joelmcvie said...

@MUGEN: To be fair, siya naman talaga ang most gifted sa aming tatlo. Kaya walang walk-out na nangyari, hahaha. =)

closet case said...

too much information!!! *gasping for air*

MANDAYA MOORE: Ang bayot sa bukid said...

kung ako yon, sinagot ko sya ng "iri ka ng iri, manganak ka na nga!"

joelmcvie said...

@CC: Asuuuus! Ang arte, ha. =)