Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Suffer The Children

The Unicef booth was stationed in a high-traffic area at the third floor of our building. Pleading looks from starving, wide-eyed African children stared out of the murals, posters and tarps that accompanied the booth. The Unicef staff members were standing around the area, stopping passersby and engaging them in conversation. I always thought they were there to just get donations, but I noticed their conversations lasted more than five minutes, so it must be more than just asking for money.

Unfortunately the booth was near the gym’s entrance. I stepped out of the gym after a grueling one-hour session, my head filled with thoughts of, “Where do I eat?” Suddenly a face materialized in front of me. She was short and pudgy, with welcoming wide eyes, a purposeful smile and an even more determined tone of voice as she launched into her highly memorized, very practiced Unicef spiel:

“Hellosirmynameis… (I forget her name) …andyouare…?”

I paused and looked at her from top to bottom. Then I let her have it:

“…pissed at you for blocking my way. Get the F*CK out of my face, fat ass.”

I made sure that when I dropped the F-bomb, my voice was on big-theater projection levels. Numerous heads turned. I noticed her companions looking at us with concern.

“i’msorrysirexcuseme…”, she mumbled as she slinked off. I cast one last withering look at her retreating fat ass. Then with my head held high, I continued on my way, oblivious to the stares of strangers.

* * * * *

POP QUIZ: Do you think McVie is capable of such actions? Cast your vote! Type “mcsurvey” space “your name” space “yes” or “no” and send to 2366.

Or leave a comment with your name here.

8 comments:

jamie da vinci! said...

is this how the year of the ox is affecting you? o dir... that was SOOO gretchen B! hahahaha, must be her vibes still resonating in the building :)

though in my opinion, i don't think it sounds quite like you to bite the head off of an unsuspecting solicitor. in your head maybe but to actually voice it out? i don't think so. maybe you just gave her the eyebrow! i know i would. then again, since i barely have any, i doubt she would have gotten the idea :)

Ming Meows said...

i dont think so. ur on the same building kaya. everytime they see you they will remember your bitchness if you did.

Mugen said...

Nope.

Unless nagmemenopause ka na?

migs, the manila gay guy said...

drowing! :p

that's so un-mcvie-ish!

Anonymous said...

hahaha!

i say yes!

Khan!

Pao Pielago said...

nah. you're too fabulously subtle for that sort of action. so not you. :)

Anonymous said...

gosh i hope not. i will be very disappointed.

Flipping Felipe said...

nope. yer too nice. pero siguro kung bigla kang natisod, pwede pa yung sabay fakeng-shyyet-ever.