Apply McLiberal-ly

Norman is a Canadian who married a friend of mine, Nelz (yes, they allow gay marriages in Canada). The last time they were in the country was a couple of years ago. We seldom communicate, so I was pleasantly surprised when he chatted me up on Facebook yesterday.

* * * * *

1:15pmNorman
• Hey Joel

1:21pmJoel
• hey norman!
• sorry i was busy with YM
• didn’t notice you here in FB
• how are you?! :-)
• long time no hear :-)

1:21pmNorman
• I just saw you online and had a big smile and had to say hello

1:22pmJoel
• hahahaha
• well, i always try to greet the world with a smile

1:22pmNorman
• i am good, and you Mr McVie?

1:22pmJoel
• i am well, thank you very much!
• i’m “counseling” a friend on YM
• he’s having romantic problems

1:24pmNorman
• poor boy
• and him too
• ;-)

1:24pmJoel
• hahahah
• actually, i kinda enjoy this
• i just hope i end up helping him and not traumatizing him, hahahaha!

1:25pmNorman
• i know you do
• i could see that in you the moment i met you
• you have insight into people specifically interpersonal

1:26pmJoel
• why, thank you :-)
• i just find it ironic that i have all these “insights” into interpersonal relationships (a lot of it regarding romantic love) and yet I’m still single since birth
• methinks that’s the price, hahahaha
• like David Carradine in Kung Fu, i’m to roam the world alone, helping people with their love problems hahahaha!
• (i’m just kidding, it’s just fun to romanticize my lack of romance hahaha)

1:29pmNorman
• no, it makes you more discerning Joel. What you are looking for is someone who can meet you at that level

1:29pmJoel
• oh, good luck to me then! hahaha!

1:29pmNorman
• nope, there are boys out there who are at your level
• they just are harder to find... our little queer community is a little self focused

1:31pmJoel
• yeah, and they’re not boys... they’re oldies hahahahaha
• you got that right! self-focused :-)

1:33pmNorman
• so your challenge is sifting through the shit that cares more about hair product then being able to talk about the world we live in
• and that my friend while it is sad is true, but if you YOU exist, so do others

1:34pmJoel
• oh wow, when you put it that way, it sounds more... graspable :-)

1:34pmNorman
• yes, grab them by the nuts and pull

1:35pmJoel
• hahaha!
• i love it!
• how very Caveman! how very Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach

1:38pmNorman
• Joel if I could be so bold and imply that we have some similar qualities.... my realization about relationships is that I always had this idea that I had to have all the qualities I was looking for in a single person, but instead what I needed were a few core things and the rest was to be gotten in others

1:38pmJoel
• wait :-)
• that was quite long... lemme try and grasp it
• (ooh that sounded kinky)
• hahaha

1:39pmNorman
• kinky can be fun

1:40pmJoel
• hmmm interesting point you’ve made

1:41pmNorman
• i try Joel

1:41pmJoel
• i agree that while you can try to be “all that you can be”, you’ll never be everything to everyone

1:41pmNorman
• and vice versa Joel, one person can’t fulfill everything you need

1:41pmJoel
• yes, yes
• that fact is PAINFULLY true, hahaha!
• and so there are people in your life who will “enhance” who you are

1:42pmNorman
• it is not about enhancing life per se, it is about experiencing it with you

1:42pmJoel
• ah yes, that was better put
• and these people need not become your BFs, they can just be BFFs
• (although having a BFF for a BF is quite a jackpot! LOL)

1:44pmNorman
• it is easy for people like us to seek all of what we want, to not settle for something less... we want more than hair product... hehhehe... but ideally we want somebody to experience life with that can meet us at our level

1:45pmJoel
• there is that minimum expectation (which, unfortunately, is quite high a bar for most! BWHAHAHAHA!)

1:46pmNorman
• you are a liberated man Joel, you are not stuck in some belief that the world needs to fit some old fashioned convention

1:46pmJoel
• nope i’m not liberated, i’m pisces
• hahahaha
• why, thanks Norman! :-)

1:47pmNorman
• go on dates with some guys that are fascinating to talk to and who cares what they look like or their age, etc

1:48pmJoel
• hahaha yup!
• okay, now i really have to go back to work :-)

1:48pmNorman
• be well my friend
• find some boys that titillate your mind, not simply your eyes or tongue
• bye!

1:49pmJoel
• as we Filipino gays say in Fagalog, “Babooshka!”

* * * * *

So that was it. What struck me most was what he said about me being a “liberated” man. Unconventional, open-minded, freethinking, modern, enlightened, activist—I don’t know which of those synonyms of “liberated” Norman meant to describe me (definitely I can scratch “activist” off that list, hahaha!) but I had this OMG realization when he said that. No wonder I value people who can banter and discuss things with me. And no wonder I inwardly raise an eyebrow whenever gay guys tell me about wanting to get married, or wanting the traditional relationship trappings.

So many Filipino men—gay or otherwise—are just too traditional, conservative and vanilla in their way of thinking. I need a liberal Asian man (yeah, I’m still very much in my sticky rice queen stage), and if in Metro Manila they’re already slim pickin’s, where can I find them? Singapore? Hong Kong? Bangkok?

One day I might just do an Amazing Race Asia.

P.S. – Yeah, that’s where I got my McQuote for The Day which I tweeted: “No I’m not liberated, I’m Pisces.”