The Troika Review

Sigh. Where do I begin? How do I begin?

Maybe it was the narration. Delivered in a breath-y yet breathless manner (try imagining that!) by lead actress Mara Altiera, the script is, uhm. Hmmm.

Maybe it was the occasional gasp-and-giggle-inducing leaps from logic in the script. Do we just leave a mildly autistic child alone in a tent? Do we just become one big happy threesome just because said autistic child had an attack?

Maybe it was the I-can-see-it-coming-from-a-gazillion-miles-away predictability of the script. Yeah right, the child playing with the Zippo lighter is to establish the explosive ending. That and the dialogue about the dynamite being left behind. And all that talk about gold and man’s need for it.

Maybe it was the silly subplot—irrelevant to the plot but necessary to make a point—involving the two female investigative reporters. And do we need to show Criselda Volks in her panties? Speaking of underwear, isn’t Baguio too cold to be wearing nothing but your underwear at night?

Maybe it was the music. Ominous music to signal some sexy scene to come: “Cue in music!” Music plays. “Cut to sexy scene!”

Maybe it was the adequate (the leads mostly) to bad acting (the slutty best friend comes to mind).

Maybe it was the mildly anti-Indian sentiments present throughout the movie.

Maybe I should say something good about it. Okay, it was unintentionally funny at times. The leads are quite sexy, and they make an effort to be more than just eye-candy. And to be fair, the videography is excellent. Lighting design, camera work and production design are a cut above the usual haphazard standards of indie digital films.

Maybe because the movie is somewhere between an all-out soft-porn and a well-intentioned indie film. Maybe the filmmakers should have just stuck to one instead of straddling between two directions. Wait a minute—were they doing a cinematic equivalent of a troika? How very post-modern.

Troika is a bisexual’s fantasy movie. With gold. Funny enough, there are many scenes in the gold mine, but not once does the audience see any gold. The same thing can be said for the movie.

(Meee-yowr!)

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If there’s one thing good about watching the movie, it was the chance to go out with a new set of people. And what a fun set they are. Maybe one day we’ll be able to put up a bathhouse with thematic rooms (let me worry about the tilting floor and the flooding water for the “Titanic” room). Maybe we’ll spill more wax on someone else’s pair of shoes. Maybe we’ll all end up leaving incriminating letters on typewriters. And maybe one day we all have a lover.