Hair’s The Buzz

Disbelief was my initial reaction when my friend told me there was a guy in G4M advertising his pubic hair trimming and shaving service.

Here’s your lower jaw, I picked it up off the floor. You’re welcome.

I mean, whaddafuck?! Would you actually place your balls into the hands of a guy holding a sharp object?

My friend says the guy is quite old. He is strictly professional and clinical about the whole thing. He even allows customers to bring their own razors for him to use, if the customer is averse to the idea of their privates touched by a razor that shaved other guys’ pubes. (Hahaha! I’m sure these same guys wouldn’t mind having their privates come in contact with a tongue or lips that have touched other guys’ privates, but a razor that’s been cleaned and sterilized? Noooo siree.)

I wonder: does he offer just one kind of trimming, or are there others? Like a gupit-binata? One-by-one? Semi-kal? Or for a more 80s feel, the tsunami? Now that would be such a conversation piece in gym showers and bathhouses.

I also wonder if he does extra service. That will put the “sex” in “sexagenarian.” He should advertise his services as “Snip & Fuck: Strictly Geriatric Sex.”

Was he a closeted barber before? For all we know he’s actually straight. Why should a straight guy mind touching another guy’s dick and balls just to earn a living? Callboys do it all the time.

Right now I suspect he has a monopoly of the marketplace. But he better be careful. One day some aging hairdresser will decide to invade that market and offer other services like highlights, rebonding, braiding, perm, hot-oil treatment and blow-drying. (Must. Resist. Obvious. Pun. Here.) Hey, he might even give the Reyes Haircutters a run for their money. Hey, maybe even Manay Ricky himself can go into that business. I can see them now, massive billboards one after the other along EDSA; that campaign will be pubicquitous. It will feature a fabulous hair shot with the tagline: “Ang ganda ng bulbol mo!”

Ganda!