Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Friday, September 28, 2007

Bi Now, Gay Later

Last night someone asked me this question: How come most gays don’t believe me when I say that I’m bisexual?

* * * * *

Who are these people who call themselves bisexuals? Let McVie count the ways.

[1] I believe there are gay men who just hide behind the label “bisexual” because they’re afraid of being labeled “gay”. They are the scared ones.

[2] I believe there are men who may just be discovering that they are gay, after years of ignorance or denial. They may have had relationships—sexual, even—with girls. So from girls they are just crossing over to the other side of the fence. They are the sincerely confused ones.

[3] I believe that there are a number of gay men who call themselves bisexual because of ignorance between the terms “bisexual” and “straight-acting”. They are the stupid ones.

[4] I suspect there are a few men—gay or straight—who just want to project themselves as cool, and bisexual is the new cool. They are the style-over-substance ones.

[5] Then there are those who really get sexually aroused by guys and girls. Maybe the attraction to each gender is not equal; maybe not at the same time. They are truly the swinging ones. They are also, I suspect, the silent ones.

* * * * *

Coming out can be a difficult process because it asks a person to be honest with who he really is, not who he wants to be. And in the process of coming out, a gay man may hold on to several defense mechanisms. Not being honest with oneself is one such defense.

It is not surprising therefore that certain gay men, usually the more militant ones, hold suspect those who say they are bisexual. Given the examples above, the likelihood of that guy being a real bisexual is one out of five. No wonder the knee-jerk reaction to the statement “I am bisexual” is an arched eyebrow and a high-pitched “Bisexual, my ass!”

And that’s why I think true bisexuals are the silent shadows lurking within the gay community, a darker shade of pink that’s ever changing, ever shifting, ever wondering if people will believe them for who they say they are.

9 comments: said...

ive long made peace with bisexuals. as long as they got a pole i can ride, they're ok hehehe

Nelson said...

I've met true bisexuals before, and they NEVER call themselves as such. Most don't really care about labels, and they just want to have sex with whoever strikes their fancy.

On the other hand, most of the guys who call themselves bisexuals often wear a very thick foundation, and their eyebrows are plucked into very thin lines. They might even go as far as call themselves metrosexuals, but yes, my reaction to them is "Bisexual, my ass!"

Kai Santorino said...

agree with ALL of the above...
I guess it's one of the most misused terms in the dictionary. But the label's too easy to wash away when you see a guy claiming to be a bisexual being with JUST a guy for too long. i mean his preference has definitely changed, right?

for me, a bisexual is BI-Sexual. You have to be with both a man and a woman AT THE SAME TIME. It's not like I've had a girlfriend BEFORE and now I prefer cocks. That's a ridiculous example of men who think they're bi.

joelmcvie said...

@KAI: Yes, example #2 is particularly tricky.

Thanks to our culture, kids grow up thinking that the only combination acceptable is "man-and-woman" (and when they see that other permutations are frowned upon or laughed at, the lesson they imbibe is: "Gay equals bad"). So it's possible that, growing up they genuinely fell for women. It's also possible that they just "faked" falling for women. Who can really tell, if THEY are the ones who lie to themselves?

Kai Santorino said...

alhtough lemme just add that I have been with some men who really are bisexuals... they have girlfriends or they're married but they just like having sex with men--some even love being a bottom but when they leave the room, they shapeshift back to their masculine figures, as if they just took a pee...

so bottomline is THEY exist..

PS: Of course I found out they are hooked only AFTER the sex hehehe For the record!

joelmcvie said...

@KAI: They're called men on the "down low".

Anonymous said...

learning so much here... :-)

yuriki.kun said...

you know what, I shared this post with my officemates, and woah, questions began shooting in my direction.

obviously, a lot of people still needs to be educated. I'm trying my best too.

joelmcvie said...

@YURIKI.KUN: Naku, hinay-hinay lang, ha. I learned that the fewer, the better. Mas madaling mag-explain, mas bukas silang makinig dahil iilan lang kayo, at hindi overwhelming ang number of questions. :-)