Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, October 08, 2007

“Everyone's A Little Bit Racist”

(This is from the Tony-award winning musical Avenue Q. The characters: Princeton is a fresh college graduate, Kate Monster is a monster, Gary Coleman is a has-been actor of African-American descent, and Brian is a jobless Caucasian married to Christmas Eve, an overweight Korean woman. In this hilarious musical number, the cast talks—and sings—about racism. Take note that they’re smiling when they’re singing, just like in Sesame Street.)

Princeton: Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?
Kate Monster: Sure!
Princeton: Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?
Kate Monster: Uh huh.
Princeton: Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.
Kate Monster: Right.
Princeton: You're both Monsters.
Kate Monster: Yeah.
Princeton: Are you two related?
Kate Monster: What?! Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!
Princeton: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Kate Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?!
Princeton: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.
Kate Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.
Princeton: Well, look who's talking!
Kate Monster: What do you mean?
Princeton: What about that special Monster School you told me about?
Kate Monster: What about it?
Princeton: Could someone like me go there?
Kate Monster: No, we don't want people like you—
Princeton: You see?! You're a little bit racist.
Kate Monster: Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton: I guess we're both a little bit racist.
Kate Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Princeton: But I guess it's true.
Kate Monster: Between me and you, I think

Everyone's a little bit racist
Doesn't mean we go
around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
no one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
we all should face.
Everyone makes judgments
based on race.

Princeton: Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from—
Kate Monster: No!
Princeton: No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!
Kate Monster: Right!

Everyone's a little bit racist
So, everyone's a little bit racist—
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
but you laugh because
they're based on truth.
Don't take them as
personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them—
so relax!

Princeton: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Kate Monster: Okay!
Princeton: There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Kate Monster: And a black guy!

Gary Coleman: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate?
Kate Monster: Uh...
Gary Coleman: You were telling a black joke!
Princeton: Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes.
Gary Coleman: I don't.
Princeton: Well, of course you don't—you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?
Gary Coleman: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!
Princeton: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?
Gary Coleman: Well, damn, I guess you're right.
Kate Monster: You're a little bit racist.
Gary Coleman: Well, you're a little bit too.
Princeton: We're all a little bit racist.

Gary Coleman:
I think that I would
have to agree with you.

Princeton/Kate Monster:
We're glad you do.

Gary Coleman:
It's sad but true!
Everyone's a little bit racist—all right!

Kate Monster: All right!

Princeton: All right!

Gary Coleman: All right!
Bigotry has never been
exclusively white.

If we all could just admit
that we are racist a little bit,
even though we all know
that it's wrong,
maybe it would help us
get along.

Princeton: Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Gary Coleman: Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
Princeton: Who?
Gary Coleman: Jesus Christ.
Kate Monster: But, Gary, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, Jesus was black.
Kate Monster: No, Jesus was white.
Gary Coleman: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black—
Princeton: Guys, guys... Jesus was Jewish! Hahaha!
Brian: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Gary Coleman: Racism!
Brian: Cool.
Christmas Eve: BRIAN! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!
Princeton: What's that mean?
Brian: Um, recyclables. Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?
Kate Monster: Oh, come off it, Brian! Everyone's a little bit racist.
Brian: I'm not!
Princeton: Oh no?
Brian: Nope! How many Oriental wives have you got?
Christmas Eve: What?! Brian!
Princeton: Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!

Christmas Eve:
I know you are
no intending to be.
But calling me Oriental—
offensive to me!

Brian: I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
Christmas Eve: And I love you.
Brian: But you're racist, too.

Christmas Eve:
Yes, I know.
The Jews have all
the money.
And the whites have all
the power.
And I'm always in taxicab
with driver who no shower!

Princeton: Me too!
Kate Monster: Me too!
Gary Coleman: I can't even get a taxi!

Everyone's a little bit racist—
it's true.
But everyone is just about
as racist as you!
If we all could just admit
that we are racist a little bit,
and everyone stopped being
so PC.
Maybe we could live in—

Christmas Eve: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!


Anonymous said... loving memory of malu fernandez and teri hatcher.


THE GRIPEN said...

I'm not a psychologist, but I think everbody has feeling of superiority to another being in many anyway. It keeps them to have pride on themselves. (to the expense of others). The only difference is that liberal secularist like us is that we know how to contain ourselves and emotions before we open our mouths....

PS: thanks for visiting my blog =), Ill link you up as well!