Here’s Why I Can’t Be A Movie Mogul

A pitch for an indie movie starring Coco Martin and Sid Lucero.

Coco Martin plays a tricycle driver. Sid Lucero works at a call center and is enjoying the initial trappings of a high-paying salary—he now has a small condo unit in QC and has just purchased his first (second-hand) car.

One night Sid’s car conks out; he flags down Coco’s tricycle. Instead of just driving Sid back to his condo, Coco offers to help Sid try and repair his car. They both end up sweaty, greasy and shirtless; much touching, accidental brushing of skin-to-skin, and occasional glances at one another ensue. They manage to start the car; Coco offers to follow Sid just in case the car stalls again. They get to Sid’s driveway and eventually inside his unit and into each other’s pants.

Sid employs Coco as his driver. But one day Coco accidentally runs over a child thief that Sid was chasing after (meta-movie reference alert!); Coco takes the rap instead of Sid. In jail, Coco becomes the new bitch for the inmates; rape scenes abound. Until one day Coco decides he can’t take it anymore (in the ass) and flips roles; he rapes one of the inmates (played by none other than Allan Paule, who else?). Coco now becomes a torero inside the jail, tasked by his fellow inmates to devirginize new inmates.

Sid hears about Coco’s new role in prison during one of his visits. Heartbroken, he breaks up with Coco. In a drunken state, Sid goes to the Quezon Circle area and picks up tricks. Night after night he indulges in anonymous pick-ups. Until one evening the trick he approached turned out to be an undercover cop. Because he didn’t have enough money to pay off the fine or the policemen, he gets thrown in jail—the same one where Coco is in.

Faced with his former lover, Coco has no choice but to rape him in front of the inmates. But what starts out as an act of violence turns quickly into an act of love and reconciliation as the two lovers make love in front of everyone. This angers the other inmates, who proceed to beat up the two. In the ensuing melee, the two are stabbed to death and die in each other’s embrace.

Hey, wait a minute! Why do they have to end up dead? Heck, I’m the one who’s making this up. Erase, erase, erase! Here’s the revision.

As they make love with such passion and abandon, the other inmates start feeling hot and bothered all of a sudden. They turn to one another; a massive orgy happens. The guards come in to break up the action; instead of encountering resistance, they encounter kisses, caresses and fondling fingers. The guards join in the fun. FYI, the Viva Hot Men and the Provoq guys will play all of the inmates and guards.

Only the warden stays out of the mass action. Instead, he grabs his cellphone and starts taking videos of the action. He then posts them on YouTube. Soon after, “Jail Inmates Orgy” tops YouTube’s Most Watched Clips, eclipsing the “Cebu Inmates Does ‘Thriller’” clip.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

I need help in coming up with a title. Here are some that I’ve thought of:

[1] Basta Driver, Sweet Lover
[2] Rear View
[3] Behind (Huy, maraming meanings yun, ha: behind the wheel, behind bars, behind his back, doing him from behind….)
[4] Gulong
[5] Coco And Sid Go To Prison

Anyway, maybe you have better ideas for a title. Suggest away!