Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Here’s Why I Can’t Be A Movie Mogul

A pitch for an indie movie starring Coco Martin and Sid Lucero.

Coco Martin plays a tricycle driver. Sid Lucero works at a call center and is enjoying the initial trappings of a high-paying salary—he now has a small condo unit in QC and has just purchased his first (second-hand) car.

One night Sid’s car conks out; he flags down Coco’s tricycle. Instead of just driving Sid back to his condo, Coco offers to help Sid try and repair his car. They both end up sweaty, greasy and shirtless; much touching, accidental brushing of skin-to-skin, and occasional glances at one another ensue. They manage to start the car; Coco offers to follow Sid just in case the car stalls again. They get to Sid’s driveway and eventually inside his unit and into each other’s pants.

Sid employs Coco as his driver. But one day Coco accidentally runs over a child thief that Sid was chasing after (meta-movie reference alert!); Coco takes the rap instead of Sid. In jail, Coco becomes the new bitch for the inmates; rape scenes abound. Until one day Coco decides he can’t take it anymore (in the ass) and flips roles; he rapes one of the inmates (played by none other than Allan Paule, who else?). Coco now becomes a torero inside the jail, tasked by his fellow inmates to devirginize new inmates.

Sid hears about Coco’s new role in prison during one of his visits. Heartbroken, he breaks up with Coco. In a drunken state, Sid goes to the Quezon Circle area and picks up tricks. Night after night he indulges in anonymous pick-ups. Until one evening the trick he approached turned out to be an undercover cop. Because he didn’t have enough money to pay off the fine or the policemen, he gets thrown in jail—the same one where Coco is in.

Faced with his former lover, Coco has no choice but to rape him in front of the inmates. But what starts out as an act of violence turns quickly into an act of love and reconciliation as the two lovers make love in front of everyone. This angers the other inmates, who proceed to beat up the two. In the ensuing melee, the two are stabbed to death and die in each other’s embrace.

Hey, wait a minute! Why do they have to end up dead? Heck, I’m the one who’s making this up. Erase, erase, erase! Here’s the revision.

As they make love with such passion and abandon, the other inmates start feeling hot and bothered all of a sudden. They turn to one another; a massive orgy happens. The guards come in to break up the action; instead of encountering resistance, they encounter kisses, caresses and fondling fingers. The guards join in the fun. FYI, the Viva Hot Men and the Provoq guys will play all of the inmates and guards.

Only the warden stays out of the mass action. Instead, he grabs his cellphone and starts taking videos of the action. He then posts them on YouTube. Soon after, “Jail Inmates Orgy” tops YouTube’s Most Watched Clips, eclipsing the “Cebu Inmates Does ‘Thriller’” clip.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

I need help in coming up with a title. Here are some that I’ve thought of:

[1] Basta Driver, Sweet Lover
[2] Rear View
[3] Behind
(Huy, maraming meanings yun, ha: behind the wheel, behind bars, behind his back, doing him from behind….)
[4] Gulong
[5] Coco And Sid Go To Prison

Anyway, maybe you have better ideas for a title. Suggest away!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Joel you are A W E S O M E!!

I first thought of "Inmates Gangbang", but that would be too obvious. So I guess i will go for the more subtle "THE GANG THAT BANGS...Prison Love". LOL.

Chin

palma tayona said...

hahahahahaha.... BILIBID GAYS

pwedeng ipa-franchise yan at gawan ng mga sequel. mala-Indian Jones.

MISTERHUBS said...

The Untold Story of Sam Milby

Anonymous said...

pwede po, Peanut Butter Factory?

Baklang AJ said...

Gulong: A Gay Indie With A Happy Ending for A Change!


Galeng! lol! Pangarap kong in between coco and sid! cocosid sandwich! hehehe

John Halcyon von Rothschild said...

ITitle: In Between...

Will this be directed by Chi Chi LaRue?

joelmcvie said...

@CHIN: The "Prison Love" part makes it franchise-able. I can see "Prison Love 2: Naked Behind Bars (Of Soap)", "Prison Love 3: Back In Barracks" and "Prison Love 4: You're Top, I'm Bottom (Bunking Blues)"

@PALMA TAYONA: Basta hanggang cameo role lang si Kuya Dick (Paulate), may chance itong franchise na ito!

@MISTERHUBS: Wait! I was thinking of throwing in Sam as an inmate also.

@ANONYMOUS: Ewww!

@BAKLANG AJ: Huy, magandang merchandising idea yang "Cocosid Sandwich"! I can see the tagline na: "Coco'ng-Coco sa laman, sisi-Sid ka sa sarap!"

@JOHN HVR: ChiChi's beyond our budget. We're thinking Artemio Marquez, so his daughter Melanie might appear in the movie for free.

Anonymous said...

Actually, pwede na yung "Basta Driver, Sweet Lover" pero kabitan mo kaya ng "God Knows Hudas Not Pay"...Kalokang assignment itu..c",) Peanut Butter Factory - good one..Best regards - Homie

joelmcvie said...

I was going to also call it, "The Fellowship of Uring" but then it was too obvious.

But if I cast Zanjoe Marudo and Janvier Daily as fellow tricycle drivers, and Victor Basa and Sam Milby (sorry Misterhubs, I changed my mind) as a couple of Sid's pick-up tricks, plus--in a casting stunt--Robin Padilla as the warden (let him be on the side of the law for once), then I'll just make the movie's title "The Nosebleed Project".

cant_u_read said...

anupaman ang title nyan, basta kailangang kasama ko sa cast. kahit na zero exposure pa!

closet case said...

here's my take on this:

coco & sid?
bilibid or not!

lobster-tony said...

Selda meets Sikil meets (insert favorite gay porn here). Hahaha.

For a change I want to have a simple yet well told love story between two men.

And title ng movie na ito eh: My Wet Dream. lolz

ash said...

at first i thought this is for real till i got to almost of the end part...guess was so caught up playing the details in my mind hehehe **wink**

trey said...

take your pick! hehehe...

- the big house
- caught!
- rampage
- locked up love
- slammers
- penal promises
- the institution

so many titles, so little time. haha!

Anonymous said...

copyright na bato? ma-pirate nga haha!