Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, March 31, 2008

Video-not-oke, Okay?!

Unfortunately our neighbors right across our house brought home a videoke machine. You know, those big ones with a TV monitor, buttons immediately below the monitor, and huge speakers underneath so that it looks like a cross between an old-school videogame machine at the arcade and a jukebox? And where did they put it, of all places? Right in their garage area.

And ever since then it’s been death by audio assault—they’d scream their hearts and tonsils out to our dismay. They especially favor power ballads, i.e. Celine Dion and Bon Jovi mid-tempo songs that one associates with half-naked dancers on ledges and poles. Worse, they love singing them again and again and again.

And every night I think of ways to put an end to the singing. I wanna lay them down in a bed of gunfire.

At first I imagined myself having super powers and clicking the machine off from a distance—they’d never know why the machine shut down. Then as days passed and they continued singing, I imagined bigger powers. I’d cause a power outage on their house—and their house alone. Or whenever they’d sing The Corrs’ “Breathless” (one of their all-time multi-repeat songs), the singer will lose his or her breath. Or I’d detonate the machine with a mere gesture.

Then I decided to imagine a more realistic scenario, like me sneaking in to plant a bomb that will detonate the moment any one of them will hit a score of 99. Tan-tara-tan-tan-tan-tan-taaaaan, tan-tan-tan— KA-BOOM!

One day the machine went dead; apparently it needed repair. Ah, the sound of silence!

Last Friday I was shocked when I heard the familiar sound of a mangled “Breathless” as I neared our gate. Damn those videoke repair shops! Now I have to think of other creative ways to silence them again.

Meanwhile, if any of you here have videoke machines in your houses, please do be considerate to your neighbors and soundproof your walls. Otherwise music will make the people come together—and tear you limb to limb.

9 comments:

Chris said...

i remember when our neighbor used to do videoke galore whenever they a have party, good thing they migrate in the US... tahimik na ulit buhay namin :D

cant_u_read said...

hahahaha!

di ba pweeng ireklamo na lang sa barangay?

Quentin X said...

I don't think anyone can get away with that here in Australia. We're not even allowed to keep a rooster for crying out loud.

Misterhubs said...

Ireport mga yan sa barangay.

Anonymous said...

good thing it is not ". . . and did it my way" every night.

R-yo said...

yup! barangay is the best recourse. but from then on, dala ka na rin lagi ng icepick dahil baka merong mag physical assault sa yo. :-)

joelmcvie said...

@R-YO (and everyone else who mentioned "barangay"): Actually I've long wanted to do that, whether via anonymous phone call or filing an official complaint. But my Mom would just say, "Ay, hayaan mo na, Doy. Baka malaman pa nila na tayo ang nag-complain." Like most typical Pinoys my mom would value "smooth interpersonal relationships" over peace of mind--and ears. =)

Good thing they've lessened their videoke nights. I think the summer heat has something to do with it. GO GLOBAL WARMING! LOL!

ONAI said...

katawa tong post na eto

Marielle said...

Nice read =)We also have a neighbor who frequently hosts parties with videoke.my gulay!!
Would you mind if i place a link to your site in my blog? Pls let me know, thanks!!