Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Monday, April 06, 2009

The McYaya Chronicles

(The following was inspired by the yaya running gag from the “May-December Relationship Fabcast, part two”.)

* * * * *

My first yaya was always beside me. After all, she would carry me whenever mama was tired (“Yaya, carry baby J!”). When I could walk na, she’d follow me wherever I went. It was exercise for her, because our house in the province was so big back then eh.

By the time I was in grade school, we moved to a condo unit in the city. It was so small. I was so inis with yaya always standing beside me; she was making me claustrophobic. So I pushed her away and got a bell. So I would ting-a-ling-a-ling her whenever I needed her.

High school I decided to replace the bell with a buzzer. Kasi naman my friends kept teasing me, “You sound like the Magnolia ice cream man!” whenever they would visit and I’d call yaya to get us merienda or something. One time yaya actually brought in Magnolia Twin Poppsies for merienda. I never heard the last of it from my friends.

College came and I moved to a dorm near the campus; mama and papa didn’t like how our Rolls Royce would get scratched every time I took it to school; I blamed it on the small parking slots eh. Yaya moved in with me in the dorm, but since she had to stay at the ladies’ wing, I forced her to get herself a pager. I insisted Pocketbell or EasyCall; she got instead a Beeper 150 or something like that, I forget na the brand. Or was it Jaz Pager? Anyway, stupid beyotch. Good thing the pagers were replaced by cellphones.

Yaya always wanted to get a Sun Cellular line. “Yaya, you’re such a looooser!” I yelled at her and gave her Red Mobile instead cuz it’s new.

One day yaya came up to me and asked, “Can I follow you on Twitter?” I looked at her sharply and curtly replied, “I’ll open a new Twitter account!” Yaya’s the only one who follows me there; I block all others.

What a relief Twitter is! My colleague once brought a bag of tofu chips to the office; I took a photo of it on my cellphone and Twitpic’ed yaya, “Buy me these!” And one day I heard her listening to Regine Velasquez in her iPhone; I immediately’ed her the Ting Ting’s “Shut Up And Let Me Go,” which I immediately regretted because she might get ideas. Luckily she doesn’t get irony.

Recently I found out yaya was also in Plurk… with the driver. The hussy! I was so mad I deleted her from my Facebook, MySpace and MyBlogLog.

Now I’m thinking of sending her to Chip Tsao in Hong Kong. But I worry he might not get it that I’m just being satirical here.


Anonymous said...

ang funny nito. LOL.

we had to send our yaya away because she hurt me. i was a bratty kid, just like you. hahahaha LOL. :D

Theo Martin said...

masyado bang bisi sa opis mcvie? hehhee. :)

ako naman, i have this yaya, no labandera actually cause i was 14 na then and i dont want a yaya following me around. pero she kept looking at me, as if im like a pagkain to eat. nakakalokah. i felt violated. so among the three yayas, di ko siya pinapansin. at pag nagkamali siya, i always say, yaya, you're such a loser! :)

Anonymous said...

When I went overseas for work, they said that I cannot bring my yaya along. I asked them to explain. It didn't make sense. What? Yaya has no passport and can't get a working visa? What? I don't understand. Yaya is such a loser. ><

joelmcvie said...

HAHAHA! I want more yaya stories!

Ming Meows said...

Hanu bayan!!! Buti na lang ndi nagreklamo si Yaya na walang WIFI sa bahay! LoLz!

Tristan Tan said...

I so miss my yaya. I remember my mom would say, "Yaya, it's time for Tristan's hug..." Hug naman si yaya. ;)

But and of course, who could forget the time when yaya eloped with the gardener who I had an affair with. I was devastated. From then on, I refused to have a yaya anymore; they bring me so much pain. LOL.

Mac Callister said...

hinahanap na ni michael V itong script nila kinuha mo pala!LOL