Ladies’ Choice

I believe that emotions are best embraced not repressed. Emotions, after all, are neither good nor bad; they just are. So it’s good to feel those emotions—they’re proof that you’re still human, that you’re still alive. Feeling joy, sadness or anger towards someone are emotions. Feelings of infatuation—having a crush on someone—are also emotions.

I’ve also often heard the sentiment, best encapsulated in a song title: I can’t help falling in love with you. Is falling in love an emotion? We all like to say that we can’t help it. Sometimes we cannot even tell who we’re going to fall for. So falling in love appears to be an emotion that’s often outside of our control.

We’ve also heard the phrase “to control one’s emotions” which I believe is misleading. Controlling emotions can be problematic because what it entails is either repression or transference. I still believe that an honest acceptance of one’s emotions is the best way to deal with them. But what we do have control over are our decisions and actions, and how much we allow our emotions to affect our decisions and actions.

Let’s cite an example to clearly illustrate my point. When a stupid driver suddenly cuts into my lane while hurtling down EDSA, I often feel a sudden surge of road rage; that is the emotion generated by the situation. But what I do afterwards is something that’s totally within my control. When I was younger, I’d let my emotions affect me, and I’d honk angrily at the culprit while flooring the gas pedal to overtake the shmuck. But nowadays I’ve learned to just accept the anger and let it pass, without necessarily altering my driving. You cannot imagine the number of erring drivers that I have killed in my mind but who’ve escaped unscathed in real life. I’ve also learned to not retaliate but instead just allowed karma to take care of the road injustice done to me.

And that is why I personally am wary of falling in love without thinking; to me, it implies choosing to ignore self-awareness of one’s actions and their possible consequences. And an unexamined life is a sad thing in my book.

Of course, it’s possible that there are people whose emotional strength and fortitude are so formidable that they can survive a massive fall—they definitely are no emotional Humpty Dumpties. I know I’m not one of them.

And that is why I try to play my cards as wisely as I can. I do allow for making my own mistakes; in such instances, the line “without the hurt, the heart is hollow” comes to mind. But I’m through with recklessly throwing myself into it or playing things too safely to the point of being boring. When it comes to falling in love, I prefer the defensive driving approach.

(Then again, maybe I have yet to meet the other one who will have me driving in circles. Who knows?)