What’s New With Astrology?

I was curious what the “New Astrology” thingy was on Facebook, so I plugged in my birthday and I got the following results:

Aaah, sooo! It actually combined Western astrology (Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, you know the drill) with Eastern astrology (monkey, horse, rat, ox, squid… oops, Fabcast inside joke there). Hu-well, hu-well, hu-well, that’s nothing new, I’ve seen that done before. Still, I was curious what my results were.

The Pisces/Horse
Talents of all types swim about in the heads and bodies of these lithe and spirited people. Unlike most Horses, these people are not stubborn. They bend to the whims of others. In love and business, the Pisces/Horse procrastinates and often marries late.

“Often marries late.” AHA! Ayun na. I’m doomed, my stars in both the western and eastern hemisphere say. Then again, I was never a big fan of marriages.

Detailed Description: THE BEGUILING ARTISTE
The apparent peacefulness of this combination of Fish and Horse is but a fine shell surrounding a highly fragile and spiritual nature. Pisces/Horse people are both clairvoyant and humanistic. They give of themselves without expecting more than a pat on the head in return. In this double sign, the Horse’s ordinarily selfish push for autonomy is quieted. Pisces keeps the Horse’s dander down, teaches him to be self-effacing, and shows him the wonders of clairvoyance. The Pisces/Horse is well-advised to find a real passion (music, dance, art, building or even business) while still young and follow his or her star throughout his entire life. If he waits too long to find his path, he may become distracted and fritter away his energies looking for just the right profession. In love the Pisces born Horse has the capacity for undying devotion. He or she may be slightly on the shy side in bed. But the intuitive mate will know how to turn this charming creature on with tons of reassurance and smooches. In turn, he will admire and applaud his mate for bringing him pleasure.

Hmmm, “beguiling artiste”? Sounds promising, hahaha!

That thing about finding a real passion and following it throughout my life? I really think I kinda missed the boat on this one. Another astrology book also said the exact same thing. So now my interests are spread out in music, theater, movies, art and, uhm, sex? Speaking of sex….

“He or she may be slightly on the shy side in bed.”

Okay, this whole “new astrology” thingy? Bogus!

Mwhahaha!