Watch Me Entertain Myself!

Sacha Guitry once said, "You can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty." Oh yes, I'm the great pretender.
(pilot episode: 20 January 2004)

Friday, April 27, 2007

Turning Gay

It saddens me when some people—gay and straight—believe that once a straight man has had sex with another man, then he cannot be considered straight anymore, that he has “turned gay” already. I’ve heard and read people express this idea, that once you “taste” your own gender you will become gay and the change is irreversible. Like getting bitten by a vampire. Worse, they say it with such a dismissive, negative tone.

Sigh.

Either they’re narrow-minded or they lack exposure to the diversity of reasons why people do what they do. Is it so inconceivable that a straight man will have sex with another man for reasons other than sexual attraction? Like perhaps financial desperation—in Filipino, “kapit sa patalim”? Or perhaps they do it with their gay manager as part of an “under-the-table” (or more like “under-the-sheets”) deal to get ahead in their career? The human heart is capable of so many secrets, even to itself.

If ever someone—like Robert Redford’s character in 1993’s Indecent Proposal—will offer me a million US dollars (!) to have sex with his wife, I will. Believe me. (Although why they’d offer me of all people, I have no idea, hahaha.) But here’s the thing: even if I have sex with a girl, that won’t make me straight.

How many gay men have married and had sex with women and conceived children, all for the sake of keeping up appearances? Kung kaya natin tiisin makipag-jugjugan sa mga pukengkang, kaya rin ng straight na lalake na tiisin na tumikim ng kapwa lalake, kahit sumubo ng burat.

So whenever straight male friends of mine kid me and tell me, “McVie, why don’t you try and have sex naman with a girl, just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!” I always respond with, “Ikaw naman ________, why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!”

Tit for tat. That always shuts them up.

12 comments:

Pao Pielago said...

"...why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!

Weenurr! I really believe that more than anything else, it is a matter of personal preference. We all make our own choices.

Hmm...you just gave me an idea to try this to someone...hahaha!

Phillip said...

“Ikaw naman ________, why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!”

HAYLUVET!!!!!

MISTERHUBS said...

True. Just look at those gay-for-pay porn sites. Some straight dudes would do just about everything for money. And that's mighty fine with me.

I disagree with Pao that it's a matter of "preference." I didn't prefer to be gay as much as I didn't prefer to have straight hair or be Filipino. I just happen to be born gay. I think it's a matter of genes, not preference, but that's just my opinion, of course. a

Anonymous said...

To each his own, I guess but basically I think the source of the problem is our inability to let go of labels - why can't we just have sex (or relationships) with people we want to have sex (or relationships) with and leave it at that. Fear of the unlabeled is parallel to fear of the unknown. Best regards - Homie

joelmcvie said...

HOMIE: In an ideal world we'd "just have sex (or relationships) with people we want to have sex (or relationships) with and leave it at that."

However, I do acknowledge that it is a very real, very human need to use labels and to generalize. It's how our brain works; it's how we as human beings try to make sense of the world. Which of course explains exactly your point: "Fear of the unlabeled is parallel to fear of the unknown."

If we can be aware of our need to label and generalize, and be open-minded and humble enough to realize the inadequacies of labels and generalizations, especially when confronted with the individual's specificity, then perhaps we'll be more understanding, patient and inclusive of people different from us.

SHET. I should be telling myself to be more understanding, patient and inclusive, hahaha! Actually, I'm just impatient that's why I make fun of them. Actually I just like to make fun of them because... well, comedy is comedy, AHAHAHA! (Shet, do I justify myself? Hihihi.)

Joel said...

Da best talaga ang hirit mo! Hahahaha! Sa iyo na lang ako hihingi ng tips para mangbara ng tao!

Neil said...

Damn. Hahaha. “Ikaw naman ________, why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!” --> Next time hihirit yung barkada ko sa akin about my proclivities, I'm gonna use a variation of this (Not that exactly though, otherwise baka ma-ban ako sa overnights hehehe).

Yung ginagamit ko right now effective lang sa isang tao eh (he doesn't know I'm gay and I refuse to confirm or deny.

A: Aminin mo na kasi bading ka!
Me: Oo, A, Bading ako. But only for you! *Sabay deliberate hipo*
A: *evade* Walang hiya ka.

Works everytime.

Yung hirit ng isang friend ko sa akin when he confirmed that I was gay was --> "Magpahypnotize ka! That way sure na magiging straight ka".

Horny Peter said...

“Ikaw naman ________, why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!”

--- The best pambara line ever!

I like your posts and I've been reading them on my free time,a nd I can't help myself from laughing. BTW, can I put you in my links please?

joelmcvie said...

HORNY PETER: Go! Link-kiti-link ka lang. :-)

Q The Conqueror said...

Mcvie, pa add rin :D

joelmcvie said...

Q THE CONQUEROR: Go, add-kiti-add ka lang. :-)

ian said...

“Ikaw naman ________, why don’t you try and have sex with me naman (mas lalo na kung type ko yung guy, di ba?), just so you know what you’re missing? Malay mo, you might like it!”

The best!!! Ayos ka talaga McVie. Hehehe... Sana kaya ko rin yang sabihin sa mga guy friends ko. Hehe.

@Neil
Ayos din yung strategy mo ah, with matching hipo... hehehe...:)